Category: Catalyst (Page 23 of 35)

A catalyst is one that sparks something. The catalyst speaks from experience and enables others to move forward more freely. These articles are written to act as a catalyst in your life.

Everyone Has An F3

July 7, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Have you ever been in one of those situations where you had to make an immediate decision? One of those emergency type moments when you feel threatened or in danger? It’s in these moments that we have one of three typical reactions. We are pretty aware of the two most common: fight or flight. But the third one is pretty popular and equally important. Flee is the final F in the F3 triangle.

Knowing your F3 response is critical, not just in crazy cases like a zombie apocalypse or a terror attack, but it will help determine how you deal with conflict in general. When you’re called on in class and you don’t like to talk in front of people, your F3 will kick in immediately. When you’re cut off on the free way typically your F3 will take over. When your lost in an unfamiliar city while driving in rush hour, your F3 will default your behavior.

So what do each of these mean for how we react? It might seem like this should be simple knowledge but there are some nuances to each of these that are important.

We’ll start with my personal F3 category – Fight. This is the category that means when the stuff hits the fan, we generally come out swinging. Fight doesn’t just mean literally fighting, actually to the contrary most of the time it’s not a real fight at all. The fight response is one of a reaction. Those of us in this category will generally take fear and try to over compensate for a fear filled moment by becoming bigger than our fear. Fear is essential and dangerous at the same time, which is something we’ll cover in a future post.

The Fight F3 response sees any type of conflict as something that has to be managed, right away. The challenge with this mentality is that we often will shoot from the hip and tend to over react to a scenario we’re facing. If you’re a Fighter on the F3 scale, hit the pause button for a predetermined amount of time. Don’t fire back an email when someone angers you. Don’t react right away to something done to you. Take time to evaluate what type of response will yield the best possible results. Showing someone who’s boss in the moment might give you 60 seconds of satisfaction but in the process you can easily end up hurting someone who cares about you (and all because of what is likely a misunderstanding or overreaction).

The second F3 response is known as Flight. And it is pretty much what it sounds like – you run from the problem. Now don’t get me wrong each of these have their time and place and none of them are inherently wrong in and of themselves, but knowing your default will help you better manage how often you lean into each category. The Flight response means that when any kind of trouble arises you simply walk away, or run away depending on the intensity. And it’s not getting away to avoid unnecessary conflict, it’s running away because you’re too afraid to deal with the problem head on.

The Flight F3 response sees any type of conflict as something you need to avoid and you’ll go out of your way to get as far from it as possible. The challenge here is that in an effort to avoid any type of conflict or have a hard conversation with someone with whom you don’t agree or by whom you feel challenged, you’ll end up losing friendships and causing undue strife in a relationship. Your F3 Flight response could be the reason your circle grows smaller over the years.

Finally the third F3 response type is called Freeze and it means just what it says. When trouble arises the Freeze response makes you unable to move, sometimes literally. Freeze is what happens when you’re so flustered that you can’t make a decision. Your brain becomes so fogged over with what is happening around you that you can’t make a rational decision. So you instead of doing anything (fight or flight) you just do nothing. Literally nothing. This would be the equivalent of seeing a burning building with someone hanging from a window and you not thinking you have the skills to help so you just stand back and watch in terror. Now I’m not saying you should run into the house and put yourself in danger, although that’s what we Fight people would do. But there are other options like call for emergency help!

You see it’s not just the big hairy problems that manifest these F3 response types. It’s the everyday situations as well. We can see it in social media and even friendships in general. Someone says something you don’t like or their opinion doesn’t line up with your opinion so what do you do? Do you lash out at them and get angry? Do you essentially cancel them by walking away from the friendship altogether? Do you sit dumbfounded with no answer or thought at all? None of these are the right way to handle this type of situation and for certain they are not the Christian way to do it. All too often we let our F3 over rule our way of Jesus method of handling problems.

The point here is simply to make you aware of your default so you can better keep it under control. So whether you normally fight, flight or freeze you have the power to adjust your response if you hit the pause button and collect yourself before you lash out, run away or collapse in fear.

Would The REAL Men Please Stand Up

June 8, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I’m going to not apologize for what follows. I’m not going to apologize because this is my honest assessment of where we are in our world. I’m not going to apologize because I have the right to my opinion just like you have the right to yours. If you don’t agree, that’s totally fine. You’re welcome to form your opinions or reach out to have a robust conversation with me about my personal beliefs and thoughts.

Let’s set the stage. I believe that there are two kinds of people in this world: men and women. These are, in my mind, determined by the genetic make up of the individual. So for all of you science loving people out there, we’ll let science take the driver’s seat on this one. Males have a unique make up of genetic material, namely an “x” and a “y” chromosome that determine the male genetic make up. The female, on the other hand, is made up from two “x” chromosomes. There are many more things that go into the differences between males and females, not to mention the basic plumbing matters, but we’ll let you figure those out in your health classes.

So if there are two genders, namely male and female, how are these two genders to operate in an advanced society like the one in which we live?

This post will deal with the male gender and how we, as men, are to live in the world today. We’ll address the ladies in an upcoming post. So would the real men please stand up!

There are three basic stages of what it means to be a person of the male gender in this world. We’ll call them male-hood, boy-hood and man-hood. Let’s start with male-hood.

The first stage of being someone of this particular gender is really nothing we do. It’s something that is determined for us before we’re even born. It’s the genetic make up of the individual in their mother’s womb. This is the whole “XY” thing I referred to earlier. It deals with the plumbing and all the reproductive details that make a male able to provide the necessary contribution to pregnancy. So male hood isn’t something you do, it’s a marker of who you are as a…dude!

The second stage we’ll call boy-hood. This one is the fun stage for many of us. It deals with the boys and their toys mentality. It’s when we can take anything and make it into a battle field or construction site or weapon. It’s about making noises with our cars and jet engine sounds to match our GI Joe sets. Boy-hood is marked by selfishness however. Most of the time, as boys, we are solely focused on what we want. We want our toys. We want our food at a certain time. We want our new gadgets, new cars, new anything really. We want the biggest, loudest, flashiest things in life. We want the broken things that we can fix to give us a sense of accomplishment. Boys have little to no regard for responsibility. We live at home with no real cares in this world. Boy-hood isn’t marked by age alone because to be quite frank – I know many boys in the world today who happen to be of the age that they should be men but they care too much for themselves to really be called men.

The third stage here is what we call man-hood. This is when a boy realizes that life doesn’t revolve around him. It’s when he begins to put the needs of others before his own. It’s when he realizes that his girlfriend, or wife, is of greater importance than his car, job, home or hobbies. Being a man means we have to be willing to lose a toy or two if it means protecting and providing for those around us.

You see the problem as I see it is that men stopped caring about being men. Many men have become boys again and left their children and wives to handle what they were meant to handle. Men have stopped taking the lead in society, schools and politics. We’ve let the masses tell us what to do. We’ve forced our wives to deal with matters they are fully capable of dealing with but that they shouldn’t have to mess with at all! Ladies this is not a knock on you. You can do anything. I firmly believe that! But I also personally believe that men, if they’re really men and not boys dressing up as men, should be willing to do everything possible to make your lives easier.

In short men we are the reason our society is where it is. We are the reason chaos has enveloped our world. We’re to blame because we stopped standing up for what’s right. We stopped taking responsibility for our actions. We let the world tell us who we could be and what we were allowed to say. Men it’s time to stand up. Hold a door for a lady, not because she can’t hold it herself but because you value that woman as a part of society that deserves to have a door held for her. Men be willing to give up a little something to let those around you know they are valued and loved and cared for in this world. It’s your job and mine to do the hard things so those around us can thrive. Enough of this merely surviving life crap. It’s time to make sure those around us thrive in life, and it starts by putting our childish ways behind us and being the men we were called to be.

Man up guys! Now is the time.

How About We Try Something New?

May 25, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Growing up my dad used to tell me to close the door to the house when I walked out. He’d say things like “were you born in a barn?” Of course he knew I wasn’t because I’m pretty sure he was there when I was born! The point is the door can’t close itself. The same is true for many other things in our lives. They just don’t do their intended work without some form of help.

It’s the law of physics. You know the whole object in motion tends to stay in motion, object at rest tends to stay at rest concept. But that simple scientific law proves far beyond objects in motion or at rest. It can apply to some of the problems we face as a society today.

Now before you read any further understand very clearly that acts of violence perpetrated on innocent people are wrong. Harming innocent children is wrong. I do not and will not ever condone such behavior. That said we have to make sure we’re approaching things from the right angle. Give me a minute to explain.

Just like the door to my parent’s home didn’t close on its own and my car doesn’t drive itself and the refrigerator door won’t close itself and my new puppy won’t train herself, weapons used in acts of violence don’t work without an outside force acting upon it.

Now depending on which side of the issue you’re landing right now, you’re either thinking right so ban guns or whoa don’t you dare touch my rights to own a gun. And to be totally honest, I’m not interested in either one of those options. Banning guns just won’t work. Stronger laws unfortunately won’t work either. Don’t believe me? Just watch the next construction zone you pass through. Fines are doubled and enforcement is higher, yet people still break the rules. All the time! I’m guilty of it and I would venture to guess you are too.

We’ve banned some substances as illegal and they still find a way into the black market. Stealing is illegal and some people do it. Murder is against the law and yet people find a way to kill others. the point is that evil just always finds a way. Stronger laws won’t change that at all. As a matter of fact stronger laws make us want to break them even more!

I remember my grandma’s cookie jar. I never really cared about the cookies in the jar until she told me that it was too close to dinner time and I had to wait. That’s when I had the craving for a cookie! That’s when I found ways to sneak one of her soft batch cookies when she wasn’t looking. Laws don’t stop people doing wrong things.

Sure they are detergents. They might slow the process down but we can’t just slow down the process of violence. I don’t have all the answers, but what I do know is that if we taught men and women the simple facts of safety and sheer power that a weapon possesses. Teach them how to use it properly. Teach them the value of life for every single person on the planet. Teach them what it means to be kind and respectful. And I don’t mean one time when we’re 16 years old or when we become an adult (whatever that even means).

I’m talking ongoing conversations that value people. Not putting one people group down to make another feel better. But legit walking in our own lanes and valuing one another. If we would sink as much effort into raising our children to be kind and loving people as we do blaming corporations for someone doing something that’s already against the law, we might have a little traction to a better society.

In a recent comment from the White House a question was raised. I’m afraid it was rhetorical but I’m hoping someone actually takes the time to do the research and find an answer. The question basically asked why do these kinds of things happen in America more than any other country? Ok so there are likely a lot of answers that could be possible. But here are a few things I’d throw out there to consider.

What is the single parent rate in each of these other countries? Sorry ladies this is no way disrespectful to you or the role you have in raising children but look at the statistics in our own nation. The more absent the father is in the raising of the children the higher the likelihood of a child getting caught up in activity that is illegal. Just think how many of the mass acts of violence are done by women? Ever wonder why? Boys think they have to act big to be men when they don’t have a good, healthy role model for a father.

The second observation I have is with regard to training. So many other counties around the world have massive training for people to own, carry and keep any form of weapon. I wouldn’t stop at weapons either! As much of a pain in the butt as it would be, I think to get, keep and continue to use your Drivers’ License one should have to retest every 3-5 years. I know it would thoroughly suck, but you’re driving a vehicle that weight a few thousand pounds. Do you know how many people get in accidents every year because the person behind the wheel doesn’t function properly as a driver!?!

Finally, there are several countries that require some level of military service for citizens. I’m not talking mandatory draft for everyone but I really think if we had some level of safety training program in place for the men and women of our country it wouldn’t hurt one little bit! Learn basic self defense. Learn weapon safety. Learn how to work as a unit. Learn how to follow orders and listen to those in authority. There are a ton of things we could learn if we had a nation of citizens with some level of soldier training.

Look I know this isn’t a popular thought for anyone. But a reactive approach isn’t going to help anyone. None of the back and forth between sides of the aisle is going to bring any of these children back. Friends we are leaving our children with a mess. We can and must do better. That’s all there is to it. If you don’t agree with me, I respect that. You are entitled to your opinion. I just know there has to be a different way.

The people of this country are worth it. You are worth it. Our children are worth it.

Mission Driven Metrics

May 12, 2022 / / 0 Comments

For decades the church has done a relatively decent job at measuring the things that are measurable. Things like church attendance, Sunday School attendance, offerings are the typical measures for a local congregation. But is there a better metric? Is there a metric that better aligns with the present reality of the church life in which we currently exist?

To start with, I want to be clear, that measuring things like attendance and offerings is not a bad thing. As a matter of fact they give us a baseline view of the church. Is the church growing numerically? Are we slowly dying and need to figure out why? So by all means, measure these things. But don’t stop here. There is so much more that we need to be about as churches and this is just the surface.

Are we asking how people are sharing their faith?

Part of the life and ministry of any local church should be built around the idea of sharing stories of faith. If we’re not sharing our faith stories, then how will others know who we are and why we exist? One of the powerhouse metrics is the simple question: with whom have you shared your faith this week?

I know this question seems like an intangible type of metric. It doesn’t measure someone coming through your doors or giving to the mission of the congregation financially, but it measures how much someone buys into the mission by sharing it with someone else.

Do people live differently?

The bible teaches that a follower of Christ is one who is transformed by the renewing of our minds in Christ. This means that we need to look and act different than the world. So how are people in the local church context behaving differently? How are they showing signs of spiritual maturity? What are the men and women of the local church doing that demonstrate their close relationship with Jesus?

In the congregation I am honored to serve, we have a pathway or cycle that we use to measure this kind of life change. We call it our discipleship pathway. I’ve talked about this in other posts but here’s a quick 30,000 foot view of the way we measure and why it works for us. Quick note – do not just copy someone else’s activities or even metrics without knowing why they do it and why it works for them.

Our discipleship pathway is a circle that is constantly repeated and never ending. Kind of like a wheel on a bicycle that spins over and over and over. This is what we’re looking for in the life of followers of Jesus. The wheel has four key quadrants kind of like a pie. These quadrants are worship, grow, serve, and invite. And each of them represent a different way in which people engage in the life of the local church.

Worship is pretty much what you’d expect. It’s engaging in the Sunday morning (or whatever day you worship) experience. It’s going to worship, singing songs, hearing the message, being with others. These are lifelong followers of Jesus and those new to the faith. This number fluctuates based on time of year, cultural norms and key events in people’s lives. This is the attendance number that most churches measure. It’s a good number! But we can’t stop here.

We use the attendance or worship number as a baseline. You see when this number increases, the other numbers should increase in like manner, which brings me to the second stop in our Discipleship Pathway: grow.

Grow is representative of all the public gatherings of people around matters of faith. So for this number we watch Sunday morning Bible class, small groups, and any other gathering of people within the congregation. The point is when the worship numbers increase this number should rise at an equal rate. If these numbers don’t move together, then we have a spiritual health problem.

So measuring the measurables is really important! But we have to look at the whole picture. The point of discipleship is not just about worship. If, as pastors or church leaders, we only measure worship then we’re missing the boat of growing people in Christ. And we’re selling the Christian life drastically short. When I look out at the congregation on a Sunday, it is exciting to see new faces in worship. But even more exciting yet is when I see those same new faces join us for some Bible class or small group activity. Whether it’s an in-person gathering or a virtual one, welcoming new faces into more than just worship is critical to the overall health and vibrancy of a congregation.

Serve is exactly what is sounds like but maybe not where or how you’d think. The next step in the spiritual maturity and overall health of a congregation is breaking the 80/20 rule. I’m sure you’ve heard that in any organization, churches not excluded, 20% of the people do 80% of the work. Well this measure of health addresses this very problem. When a church is healthy and vibrant and the people of the church are spiritually growing and mature, there will be a plethora of servants available to pull off key tasks and start new ministries.

So how this works in our pathway of discipleship is pretty simple. Just like the grow quadrant, when worship increases and participation in grow activities increase those serving in a variety of places in the life of the church should increase at an equal rate. If people aren’t getting involved in acts of service inside the church structure, then you’re starting to notice signs of a consumer driven church and this is not healthy.

Invite is the old evangelism idea with a little twist. In traditional evangelism the idea is just getting someone to go to church. While this is not bad by any stretch of the imagination, it lacks personal relationship. And relationship is critical to what we’re called to be about as Christians. The point here is that we invite people to join us on the very same journey we’ve been on for a time.

When we invite people to come along with us, it keeps us accountable and shows that we have an ownership of the ministry to which we’ve become attached.

There’s no golden ticket on how to measure things in ministry. But the key is we can’t just stop at the easy stuff. Spiritual growth and discipleship are far more than Sunday morning worship. And our metrics need to be about more than butts in seats and bucks in the budget!

It’s Time To Be Bold!

May 9, 2022 / / 0 Comments
ready, set . . . audacious. | essence7 wellness, LLC

There’s a phrase that is quoted in a variety of circles that says go big or go home. I personally like that statement…a lot! It’s a phrase that reminds us that sometimes we need to be willing to take a bold step before we can see any forward progress. There is a time to be passive and lay back a bit, but there’s also a time when we need to take risks and do the unthinkable, bold things in life.

I know what some of you are thinking, but what if I mess up or fail? But my reply would be, what if you don’t!?

So often in life we have the chance to make big, bold, audacious moves but we don’t for fear of what others will think of us or fear that we’ll mess up. But sometimes we have to just step out and do the crazy things in life.

I read a book recently titled Love Does, by author Bob Goff. The premise of the book is simple actually. Basically he says in a much more eloquent way that talk is cheap and we need to back up our caring for one another with actions not just words.

One of the stories he shares about how love often leads us to do big, crazy and off the wall things was about a young man who wanted to ask his girlfriend to marry him. The long story made short is that this young man approached Goff and asked to use his patio, boat, kitchen and backyard all in an effort to wow his soon to be fiancee. That’s bold, big, and audacious!

We don’t have to go out of our way to use someone else’s property to ask someone out on a date but there are ways that we can step out and be a little audacious ourselves.

Living with an audacious love for the people around us means we put their needs before our wants.

Notice what I said there. Their needs before our wants. This doesn’t mean we go without food or water or the necessities in life. It just means if you know someone else is in need, that you can do without the new car if it means you can help someone in need. You can exchange the $5 coffee for a bag of grounds and make your own.

Along these same lines, we could really use to think a little less of ourselves. If you’re going through life hoping to be recognized by everyone, then you could probably use to be knocked down a tad. An audacious and bold life isn’t one that is found on neon signs but in simple acts of service.

Finally, doing something to make someone else’s life easier even if it makes yours a little harder is living this big, bold, audacious kind of way.

In all these things you need to know your boundaries and limits. Don’t over extend yourself. Don’t let yourself be used. But genuinely put someone else’s needs before your wants and do it with joy. You won’t regret it!

Learn To Fail

May 5, 2022 / / 0 Comments

No one likes to fail. Well, I’m pretty sure no one does, but I guess there could be that rogue person who just longs to fail at everything they do. Still failing isn’t really all that fun. But, oddly enough, I’m a huge advocate for teaching people how to fail because I firmly believe that failure is the best teacher.

In a former life I was a church planter. That pretty much is a person who desires to see a church started in a given area so they start it from just a seed of a few people. There’s no land, not much money, no formalized group of people, and often not even a building. The goal is over time to build a team to help you build relationships and start a church. Well, as I was building my team to start this would be church, one of the first questions I’d ask people was are you willing to fail.

If a person isn’t willing to fail then they’re sure to never succeed.

I firmly believe if we don’t have a willingness to fail, fear will creep in to the point where we won’t ever really accomplish the things we’re setting out to accomplish. In other words, fear of failing will seize us from taking the necessary risks needed to move forward. This is true on so many levels in our personal and professional lives.

If we are afraid of dropping a weight on ourselves while weight lifting, then we won’t stretch ourselves to lift heavy. If we’re unwilling to fail in a race then we won’t ever run. If we’re not willing to miss out on the promotion, then we likely won’t even apply for the job. There are so many places where failure is critical for success! I know that sounds like a contradiction but think about it.

Ever hear of WD-40? Most people know that it stands for Water Displacer. But the 40 is often lost. It represents the 40th try before getting it right. That means he failed 39 times before coming up with the product he was really trying to make. Thirty-nine failures? Most people would have given up after the third failed attempt. But 39?!?!

You see failure, while it doesn’t teach us the right answer, it always narrows down the field of possibilities. Every failure shows us what not to do. The issue is that most of us don’t research our failures closely enough to find out why they failed.

I have failed more times than I can even count! I know that each failure gets me closer to the real answer. Our system in life doesn’t really allow for failure in many places in life but I think a good leader will give his/her people the freedom to fail. When we teach people how to fail, we truly empower them to succeed.

One last illustration on failure. I can remember vividly learning how to ride a bicycle. I did the training wheel thing for a time but eventually I needed to learn how to balance without those extra (ugly) wheel additions. So my dad held my bike and ran with me as long as he could. But eventually he had to let go. In letting go he enabled me to fail. He was pretty sure that I’d fall but it was in falling off my bike that I learned how important balance really was. If I didn’t fall off my bike (read fail), then I would never have realized how important it is to not look behind you constantly to see if your dad is still holding the seat.

Failure is critical to any area of success. Until we’re able to embrace the failures in life, we’ll never experience the true success of which we’re capable.

Just Zip It

May 4, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I’ve been wrestling for a while this idea and after some time to let the idea simmer a bit, I decided it just has to be said. It’s simple really. The fact of the matter is that sometimes you don’t need to voice an opinion.

I’m not sure if you realized it or not but there are some pretty charged issues in our world right now. The political landscape is more polarized now than any time I can remember. People have opinions about everything right now! And worse yet, we all feel that our opinion has to be heard because it’s obviously the right one – or so we think.

I’m sitting back watching how many people I know handle some of the news hitting the air waves and I have to say that I’m disappointed and even appalled. We are so quick to offer our thoughts without really thinking through their implications. Yes I know, this is a post that will be shared on social media, so it kind of feels like I’m breaking my own rule here. But there’s no one sided opinion here. I’m just asking you to slow down. Before you hit send, post, or tweet, take a minute to just consider a few things.

Does this need to be said?

Most of the time the things that we offer don’t really need to be said. They are personal feelings that are more intended to harm someone else than build others up. You have the right to your opinion as much as the next person, but be careful that you don’t make it sound like yours is the only opinion that matters. Some things just don’t need to be said.

Is this meant to build up or tear down?

Far too much of what is going around right now in our world is not intended to do anyone any good at all. This is very unfortunate, but it’s true. There’s a saying from the movie Bambi where the little rabbit repeats what he heard from his mom. If you can’t say nothing nice, then don’t say nothing at all. I think we could all learn a lot from this little rabbit. If it’s meant to tear down, break someone apart, or do someone harm then just keep your mouth shut.

Hard truths spoken gently.

There will come a time when you have to speak a hard truth, but you better make sure you’re doing it right. Speak the truth in a way and at a time when it will do the most good. If the matter is private, then keep the conversation quiet. If the matter is public, then still keep the conversation between you and that person quiet. You don’t need to air your, or someone else’s dirty laundry in public. It just isn’t worth it. But when you speak the truth to someone, know that it will very possibly end in a broken friendship. No one likes to be shown errors no matter how much they need to be addressed. Just make sure that you’re having the conversation for the right reason.

Provide an alternative.

There will come a time when you need to take a stand. When that happens make sure you provide an alternative. Every hard decision and hard truth spoken will leave some carnage. And some people will be upset and angry, so one way to deflate and deescalate that problem is to make sure you account for the innocent parties left in the wake. Be kind. Look out for those that no one else is looking out for in the moment. And with more than just words provide for those in the weakest of circumstances.

There are more ways to handle the difficult kinds of situations, but these are just a few of the ways that I’ve found work best when wrestling with the should I say something question. And if you have to think twice about whether or not to post something on a social media platform, then you probably should just not do it. That little voice in your head that’s telling you to not do that is probably a good one to listen to in this moment.

Hope this serves you well and can help in how/when you communicate challenging things to people around you.

A Very Special Day

April 26, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Today is a very special day for about 80 men and their families. It’s a day when these 80 men will know where they are headed for the next phase of their lives. For some this next phase will last for decades, for others it will be a few very long years and for others it will be the only position they ever take in this field.

I remember this day very well. It was 20 years ago actually. I remember waiting in great anticipation over where I would end up. You see today is something called call day. It’s a churchy idea that really talks about where a pastor ends up. Under normal circumstances a church will seek a new pastor. They’ll look at information about the potential candidates, then interview and eventually extend a call.

The idea behind a call is that God, through the local church, is calling the man to come serve in a given location. The man receiving the call then prays about it and decides if he feels the same call from God. If so, then he makes the move. If not, then he stays put.

Well today there will be about 80 men and their families who will wait with baited breath for their loved one to receive his first position. Unlike the regular call that I described above, this one is an assignment. There’s not really the opportunity to prayerfully consider if this one is right for you. You take it and make the most of it.

Since many of the men and their families have no idea what’s coming I’d like to offer a few pieces of advice based on my 20 years of experience. Some of these aren’t just for you pastoral types too.

  1. It’s God’s will not your want. You may not get the placement you desire. You may not even be in the same ballpark as what you asked for, but God knows more than you. Just go with it.
  2. Make the most of it. So this should go without saying but there will be good and bad times in your first position. It’s up to you how you handle it.
  3. No matter how good, you will have rough times. Look you’re dealing with people, and you’re one of them. Some days will be the best of your life. Others…yeah not so much. There will be hardships so be prepared.
  4. You won’t be liked by everyone. This one will be hard for you people pleasers. There will be people in your life who say they are friends. They get close to you to get what they want and try to win influence. But when things get a little challenging or you challenge them by holding to your confession of faith (convictions), they’ll turn their backs on you and walk away. It’s ok you won’t always be liked and you have to be ok with that one.
  5. Over communicate. You can never communicate enough. You will get tired of saying the same things over and over, but when you’re tired say it at least 5 more times. Just because you understand it doesn’t mean anyone else does.
  6. Go slow. Ok for those of you type A personalities this one’s for you. You’ve been living in your head, wrestling with the ideas and plans for a while before they come out of your mouth. Give people time to catch up to you. Surround yourself with people who have the authority to push back a bit. You’ll thank me in a few years.
  7. You have to make a move. So for this of you who are terrified of us Type A personalities, this is for you. Some will be tempted to sit and wait for God to write something on the wall of your office or give you a divine revelation. Sorry sir but it doesn’t happen that way. The best way to learn if God is calling you in a direction is to take a few steps and see what you learn.
  8. Listen to your family. So for those of you who are married this one is critical. Your number one priority, after your faith, is your family. You are a husband and father before you are a pastor. (Before meaning in order of priority not chronology.) If you can’t serve your family well, you’ll never serve the church well.
  9. IT’S NOT YOUR CHURCH. Ok so I yelled at you a little but it was important. I can’t stand when I hear pastors call it “my church.” It’s not your church. You didn’t die for it. You didn’t call it into existence. It’s God’s church or the church God gave you the privilege of pastoring. This frees you to experience some grace. If it’s your church it rises and falls on you and brother you aren’t that good.
  10. Know your boundaries. Boundaries are critical. You need them all over the place. Set boundaries with your time. It’s ok to put family time in your calendar and tell members of the church that you’re busy or you have an appointment. Set boundaries with your finances. You are not going to balance the church budget with your offering or sacrificial salary cap. You work hard and it should be recognized. Set boundaries with relationships. Know your limits and surround yourself with people who will tell you when you’re pushing close to them.
  11. Know the primary call God has given you, and it might not be what you think it is. If you think your number one goal is to make Sunday morning happen, then you might be doing it wrong and in it for the wrong thing. Sunday worship is important for sure, but I don’t know of Jesus saying go make a good Sunday morning worship happen. He does give us other directions.
  12. Your example will be seen before your words heard. Brother if you tell the people you serve to do something that you aren’t doing, then it may be time to go flip burgers or something.
  13. Change is ok, even necessary, but know why before changing anything. I’m not afraid of change by any means, but I would encourage you to make sure you know why a change is needed before making it. And then communicate the heck out of it before you do it.
  14. Just because it worked for someone doesn’t mean it will work for you. You’ll meet others in the field who have experienced some pretty fantastic results with things they’re doing. You’ll be tempted to copy those same things. Don’t do that. Ask a few questions first to make sure you understand the situation and the actions because your context is likely very different than theirs.
  15. You’re not done learning. You just finished schooling and you’ve been through a lot. You might love school but you might be like me and hate it. Nothing personal to profs but I am not the greatest institutional learner. You need to be constantly learning. Read books. Have conversations with others who are ahead of you.
  16. Be discipled. There’s no simple or passive way to say this. You need to be discipled. You need to be following someone who’s ahead of you. Find someone you trust and from whom you can learn and spend intentional time with them regularly. This can be in person or using one of the joys of technology.
  17. Work from rest and rest from work. You undoubtedly know about the whole sabbath idea. Taking a day off to rest. But that isn’t how some of you are wired. The point is very simple know how you rest and do it regularly. Find ways to rest so you can be more effective at your work. And when you work find ways to rest to give yourself space to recharge.
  18. Your body is God’s temple keep it healthy. Get your rest. Workout. Eat right. These will benefit you greatly!
  19. Be flexible. You are soon going to be responsible for the souls of God’s people. Care for them well but in the process know that God might have plans that don’t match your gut reaction. Stay flexible.
  20. Love well. Finally it’s important to love people well. Loving means you are there for their biggest moments, good and bad. Be present with people. Turn off your phone and watch when you go to a visit. Hold the hand of the hospitalized when you pray with them. Serve others. Nothing is beneath you. Nothing is outside your job description.

That’s a list that is by no means comprehensive. Take them or leave them but they are learnings from an old guy with 20 years under his belt. Be blessed to be a blessing friends.

On A Mission

April 20, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Have you ever seen someone walk with authority? Or listen to someone talk with authority? It’s so cool to hear or see someone who owns their position in life. It’s like they are on a mission to accomplish something.

Most of my life is lived this way if I’m being honest. I generally walk and talk with conviction. I move a little faster than most, and I talk a little louder than many. Even if I’m unsure of something, I find it’s much better to boldly stand for what you’re doing than be all apologetic before you even speak. Then if I say or do something that’s not right, I’ll apologize but I’d much rather do that after I mess up than before I even have a chance to screw things up.

There’s a saying I grew up hearing that said if you’re going to sin, sin boldly. Now this statement in and of itself isn’t really all that helpful because it kind of sounds like we’re advocating doing the wrong things. The point isn’t to go out and do as much illegal activity as possible. It’s not even assuming that since you’re not perfect and going to mess up sooner or later that you may as well just excuse your bad behavior today. The saying is actually about confidence and conviction.

If you’re going to do something boldly it means you’re not going to just tip toe into it. It’s like the child at the swimming pool. Just jump in! I admire that about children actually. I love how they just jump in the pool. They don’t dangle their feet over the edge to get acclimated to the temperature of the water. No they jump in. Generally in a big splashy kind of way. Cannon balls. Bell flops. Just big old splash inducing jumps into the water.

But as we get older, we lose the courage to do this. We lose the adventure and wonder of jumping into the pool. But not just with jumping in the pool. We lose the courage in a lot of areas. We become toe dippers instead of belly floppers.

Sure there’s a time and a place for calculated risks and knowing your limits and all that. I totally understand being situationally cautious. But no every situation has to be fully mapped out before we begin to move. Not every situation needs a known ending before we take the first step.

I’d like to encourage you to take a step. Just one forward moving step. It might feel like you’re jumping into the deep end of the pool, but it’s one step. Move forward one little step and throw a little caution to the wind. Be confident in who you are and what you’re called to do. It’s not about being reckless. It’s about being confident and courageous and living like someone on a mission.

It’s Not Your Time

April 6, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Life can seem so unfair can’t it? I mean your best friend has a boyfriend when you can’t seem to even land a date. Your neighbor drives a new car every year and you can’t even afford to put gas in yours. Your coworker gets the promotion you’ve been working so hard to achieve. It just seems like everyone else gets what you’re after and it’s just not fair. 

When we compare ourselves to everyone else, no anyone else, life just seems unfair. But sometimes it’s hard not to compare. People love to post their instagram lives for the world to see. And no one posts the bad stuff. I mean does she always dress like that? Are his muscles always that defined or is the lighting just right in that pic? Comparison is a terrible enemy that can lead us to a place of brokenness and despair. 

I want to introduce a different way of seeing things. It’s not easy and it’s something that I am working on myself. Instead of asking why can’t I have this thing or be like that person, ask what if it’s just not my time? What if my time is yet to come? 

The idea behind it’s not your time is that even though someone else gets the blessing or the good day that you have been praying for and working toward and expecting for years, your time is coming. Maybe it’s a job that you have applied for but didn’t get. Maybe it’s a significant other that you have been trying everything you can to find. And everyone around you seems to be married and you can’t even land a steady date. Maybe it’s having a little bit of extra cash to go out on the weekend with your friends and you can barely scrape two nickels together. Whatever it is maybe it’s not your time.

I know that doesn’t take away the sting of not having it. I know it doesn’t make today any easier but when you realize that it’s not about your timing or your plans, it does make moving forward a little easier. 

And lest anyone think I haven’t had my “it’s not your time” moments, please come talk to me sometime. I will gladly share with you the plethora of moments that things didn’t go the way I had planned and I wondered the same thing you’re asking right now. 

So does life seem unfair? Yeah it sure does! I know that some days are going to be far worse than others. But when we shift our focus to a realization that my time is still coming approach, things tend to look different. Here’s an exercise I do to keep me focused when life seems a tad unfair. Take a deep breath and look at your own life. Really look at it. Not looking at what you don’t have but what you do have. Make a list, even if only mentally, of the things you have in your life today that you didn’t 1, 3, or 5 years ago. They are examples of the it’s not my time principle in action. Three years ago it wasn’t your time to have those things but here you are enjoying them. 

Again, I’m fully aware it’s not going to make a husband magically appear to your non-dating doorstep or a million dollars appear in your empty bank account, but it will shift your mind from absence to abundance. It’s not your time, but imagine how great it will be when your time finally arrives! That will be a day to celebrate for sure! 

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