Category: Catalyst (Page 25 of 35)

A catalyst is one that sparks something. The catalyst speaks from experience and enables others to move forward more freely. These articles are written to act as a catalyst in your life.

Stop Being So Shallow!

January 7, 2022 / / 0 Comments
Why Most Men Prefer the Shallow End of the Spiritual Pool | HuffPost Life

I have to say there are a lot of shallow people in this world. And even more so that’s really what’s being pedaled through our media. From printed news stories to tv news broadcasts to the infamous social media streams, there’s an abundance of surface level junk floating around. And in a superficial world, depth can be very attractive.

The set up

It’s no secret if you’ve been around this blog for any length of time, or if you know me at all, you will know that I’m a pastor of a semi-rural/suburban church in central Ohio. So much of my thinking revolves around my experience in that world. However the principles I’m about to share while mostly from my immediate context can be applied to a number of different fields from small businesses to politics to friendships and much more.

Cool versus Authentic

Ok so this is a pet peeve of mine. People trying to be super cool or hip or culturally relevant and totally missing the point of what’s happening around them. There was a craze in the church about a decade ago, that still is very much prevalent today, where churches tried to be mini versions of their culture. For many of them you couldn’t tell where the culture ended and the church began. This is a problem!

Churches did this because they wanted to be relevant to culture. They wanted the world to like them. They fell prey to the 3 Bs of life: boards, budgets and butts. Boards represent our power structure. Budgets represent our financial stability. And butts represents our fame or connectedness, aka church membership. When any of these are driving forces for you, then you will quickly realize that you’ve fallen for cool over authentic.

People are not walking away from God. They’re walking away from the church and fake expressions of the gospel.

It’s not just churches either. You can see it in businesses trying to become all things to all people and then quickly becoming nothing. It would be like McDonald’s trying to market as a 5 star sit-down restaurant for you to go for your 50th wedding anniversary. If they did this, they’d lose some clientele. Admittedly they might pick up some others but I hope you get the point. Focus on your purpose.

The church’s purpose is to bring the good news of Jesus to the world. When the how becomes more important than the what, we’ve missed the point. When we become more interested in laser shows and perfected Instagram stories than we are with the gospel, we have a problem!

No Pain Here

Another issue we deal with when it comes to being authentic is the illusion of perfection. The old workout adage of no pain, no gain is well known by many. But I think in the church we try to paint this sick image that we’ve got it all together and that nothing is ever wrong.

Get a group of pastors in a room and ask them how ministry is going and inevitably the conversation will turn to performance instead of authentic pain. We measure our effectiveness by how many people we have or how much money we make or what kind of building we’re in. We leave no room for real hurt and recovery and pain and stress and weakness.

If the church wants to be relevant in the world, stop pretending to be perfect. If the band is off, claim it! If the pastor blows the message, admit it. If the lights don’t put on the show you’re looking for, then who really cares! What’s the main point anyway?

When we embrace our struggles and surround ourselves with people are gifted where we are not, we stand a much better chance of reaching people that are not exactly like us. It’s ok to have a bad day. It’s ok to not be ok. Don’t paint yourself with a pretty made up face when you’re broken. Sometimes we can’t heal until we face the pain we’re going through.

Are you against everything?

Ok so this one might be a little personal for some of you, and that’s ok. Do people have any idea what you stand FOR? Or do they only know what you’re against? I have had many conversations with people who are not what we would call churched people. We’ve talked about sports, beer, marriage, community, politics, health. You name it, we’ve probably talked about it. But more times than I’d like to admit, whenever the topic of church or religion comes up I get a similar answer.

Is the church for anything? Or is it just completely against everything in this world?

I think this is a dangerous image to portray! The church should most certainly take a stand on what it believes. Without question there are some things we most assuredly need to stand against. However, if the main voice coming out of the church today in our 21st Century culture is what we’re against we’re giving the wrong message.

Over and over again Jesus told us who he was for. He didn’t agree with the lifestyles of everyone he defended or came alongside but he still showed that he was there for them. The woman caught in adultery is a fine example of this. There’s a story in the bible of a woman who was caught in the act of adultery. Cultural norms said she was to be stoned. But Jesus steps in the middle. Now understand fully that Jesus had every legal and moral right to throw that first stone. He could have annihilated her with thou shalt and thou shalt not commands. Instead, he stepped between her and her accusers and loved her.

Where is the church today when it comes to the oppressed and the marginalized? Where is the church for those who’ve been displaced from their homes or lost loved ones in tragedies? Where is the church with those who are considered like this adulterous woman?

You see the church is called by God to be encouragers and equippers who are compelled with a mission far greater than ourselves to accomplish something that is far beyond ourselves. When the church stays steadfast in its confession of who God is while regaining this beyond self mindset, we’ll become truly relevant again. Essentially, we don’t need to change our message. We need to change our attitude.

Do you know who your real friends are?

January 6, 2022 / / 0 Comments
60 Best Friendship Quotes - Cute Short Sayings About Best Friends

As I was driving to the gym this morning, I had the chance to listen to one of my frequent podcasts. This one has been a regular for me the past 2 years. The topic was all about what we’ve learned in 2021. It was kind of the wrap up podcast for the year. The podcast guest was talking about the challenges of life he’d experienced in 2021 and something really stood out at me.

He said that he’s learned who his real friends are and who his seasonal friends are. He described the difference between real friends – those who are there for you no matter what, and seasonal friends – those who are there as long as you have something they want or need then they leave you as soon as you’ve fulfilled that felt need.

Wow. I have to say that was a pretty hard knock on the chin as I listened. I think I’ve felt and probably been both of those kinds of friends. Now some key take aways for me from this podcast, and how it has applied to my life. The speaker was a pastor so understand he is speaking from a perspective that I can very much relate to. As a pastor, it’s hard at times to fully invest in every relationship that comes my way. There are times when I have to honestly tell people that I just can’t invest a ton of time into a new relationship at the moment. I know that sounds weird but we only have so much capacity and I am becoming increasingly aware of my limits. With age evidently does come some element of wisdom. You can keep your comments to yourself here thank you very much!

Friendships take time and effort to be certain and a real friend is one who understands that these efforts have to be reciprocal but not always equal. The speaker on the podcast went on to say that throughout the past couple of years in his church, he’s lost several people he thought were real friends. Some left when things got challenging. Others bailed when they didn’t like how he handled a certain situation. And some just quit communicating altogether for reasons unknown to him.

I think we’ve all seen this to some extent or another over the past several months and even years. Maybe you’re the one who’s lost friends like this? Maybe you’re one of those who’s abandoned a solid friendship for something that is more to your liking in the moment? No matter on which side of this you land, know that relationships are a two way street that take effort which ebbs and flows over time.

The distinction between friends who are there for you until they get what they need then leave and those who are there when you have nothing left to offer was intriguing to me. Have you ever experienced that? Someone seemingly receives the encouragement, support, companionship and help from you for a period of time – then they vanish like the cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland?

I know this is a hard statement to hear and even harder to apply but don’t take it personally. If you’ve lost friends in this way, know that sometimes God has to remove some things from your life to free you up for new things. Not always better things but there will always be something new around the corner.

I think that many friendships will last beyond our apparent usefulness. There will be those people in your life who will always be there regardless of time and distance and even you ability to be helpful to them. Some of our friendships are just that solid. I know that I have several of these kinds of friends in my life and I value them highly. But we’ll also have some friendships that will be around for a season, then vanish like the fog as the sun rises. I value these friendships as well. All of those people who come into our lives are there for a reason. They are present to teach us something about life, friendship, and even ourselves.

To those I call friend thank you for being a part of my life in any variety of ways. To those who’ve come and gone, you’re likely not even reading this but thank you for the ways you’ve supported and influenced me through life. I value each of you for who God made you to be and the impact you’ve had on me.

As I grow older I realize that real friends who are there through thick and thin are much more valuable than I ever thought possible. Cherish the ones you have! Pour into those relationships because they are more precious than the finest gold.

A Small Surprise

January 5, 2022 / / 1 Comment

Parents if you’re anything like me, you probably wonder Am I doing this right? I’ve wondered that for the last 18 years. I’ve wondered why in the world God would entrust the lives of 3 small, vulnerable little beings into my care! I just didn’t get it. I remember bringing the boys home from the hospital wondering NOW what!? I had absolutely no clue what I was doing. Well, I’m here to tell you to stick with it moms and dads. Stay the course. You never know when life is going to come full circle and your children are going to shock you.

Now at the outset I’m going to tell you that my children have an amazing mother. She was there for each of them pretty much consistently from birth until present day. She worries for them. Nurtures them, yes even at nearly 19 she’s still in full on nurture mode at times. And to be completely honest my children are amazing! Despite my lackluster parenting skills they turned out pretty good if I do say so myself. But sometimes even my good kids shock me!

Short Back Story

For the past two weeks we were together at home as a whole family again. The last time that happened was on Father’s Day of 2021. We celebrated Christmas and New Year’s and just enjoyed some relaxing time together. Totally not normal for me but it was wonderful! Then this weekend I had to take Lucas back to Fort Drum. We talked about life and how his Team Leader and some of his superior officers have told him that he’s very respectful and that he follows orders well.

He replied to them Well, my dad told me to keep my chin up and my nose clean. So that’s what I’m doing.

You see the one piece of advice I gave him before heading out to basic training was to not stand out too much and keep his nose clean and chin up. He was going to have hard days but keep the chin up. There’s always something good to see. And keep your nose clean meant to not get in trouble that would get you disciplined or singled out.

Well the drive was long and a tad rocky at times due to ice and snow storms on our way to upstate New York. And I didn’t get home until 4am after the nearly 16 hour round trip drive.

The Real Shocker

I backed in the garage, barely able to keep my eyes open. Dropped my bag and keys off in the kitchen. And was ready to just pass out in bed. When my eye caught something on my safe. As I was getting ready for bed I saw a small Moleskin notebook that I had given to Lucas before he took off for basic training. I told him he could use it for whatever he wanted. I knew he was making notes of what he learned and that it was kind of a journal of sorts for his time in training and that I’d get it for Christmas. But honestly I just assumed he’d forgotten.

But there it was. Right on top of my safe. He knew I would see it there because I see that safe every night before I go to bed. I thumbed through the pages quickly. It was full of daily accounts of what he did in the field and some things he felt I could use or would find interesting. Why he thought I needed to know how to effectively clear a room is beyond me but I got your six if you ever need help. LOL

I was too tired to read it all but as I flipped through the pages one page stood out at me. The pages weren’t dogeared or anything. It just kind of opened to this page. It was kind of the hinge point of the entire journal. I read that page in its entirety and stood quiet and dumbfounded.

You see the point of this is that sometimes our children surprise us. They do things we aren’t expecting. I never would have expected my son to write prayer journal and explain the ways he saw God working while at training. I never would have guessed that he’d already have volunteered to get involved in assisting with worship at the chapel on base. These are just little things that blew me away.

You see parents your children will do things that surprise you if you let them. I want to remind you to set healthy boundaries for your children. They need to be able to count on you, but you have to let them fly. And when you set healthy rhythms and boundaries for them, you’ll quickly see how easily they’ll surprise you if you just give them the chance.

The Spiderman Leader

December 28, 2021 / / 0 Comments

The new Spiderman movie was released recently and it has taken the box office by storm! While I haven’t seen the movie yet, I have heard some pretty stellar reviews to say the least. The Spiderman saga has been a pretty good series of movies from my perspective and I’m excited to be able to see this one soon. But as I consider the movies I have seen, one thought stands out at me from these movies. It has to be my favorite quote from the series.

With great power comes great responsibility.

Spiderman

Leadership is a pretty challenging thing, especially in our world today. Being a leader of any organization is not fun when you can’t see where you’re headed and don’t know what to expect. The graphic above contains a quote from Peter Scazzero who wrote a series of works title Emotionally Healthy_____. The blank is for the different topics he’s written on over the years from spirituality to discipleship and much more.

A person who’s in leadership, whether they want to be or not, has a great responsibility and weight on their shoulders. As leaders, we’re responsible for casting a vision for a preferred future and making corrective action as problems arise. Good leaders will even anticipate challenges before they arise. The closer to the top of an organization you rise, the more power you have. And the more power you have, according to Peter Parker, the more responsibility you must shoulder.

Something that’s become fairly evident through the past 24 months of life challenges is that many leaders are wanting the power but lacking the maturity. They have the obligations but lack the desire and intestinal-fortitude to get the job done. There are a lot of immature leaders in the world and in the church these days.

The above quote from Scazzero is a reminder that each of us have inner demons with which we have to wrestle. We have to work through our challenges and find creative and effective ways to manage the troubles in life. If it’s true that higher levels of leadership, power and responsibility bring out deeper levels of inner struggle, then we as leaders need to surround ourselves with some key people.

I strongly recommend something that was shared with me years ago. It’s called a personal board of directors. No, it’s not nearly as formal as it sounds, but it is very important. I have people in my circle whose opinion I value in different areas of life. They are friends or voices who I respect and who are able to challenge me because they are professionals in their respective fields. I used to call on these people all the time. And admittedly, I don’t use them nearly as much as I used to, until life explodes.

As a leader, it’s important to know your weaknesses and fill your life with people who are strong in those areas. You don’t need a board of directors for your personal life, but you do need the self awareness to know when you can’t do something. I’ve seen far too many leaders do far too much damage to their organization by permanently taking on a task that isn’t theirs to do. This is called micromanaging. I did it for a while and it was awful! I suck at many things in life and the sooner you as a leader can realize what you just flat suck at doing, the better your organization will be.

So the long and short is that you have the power you have for a reason. Use it wisely. Wield that power with the responsibility that it warrants. And be honest with yourself and those around you when you just are in over your head. It eliminates a lot of stress and your organization will flourish when you get the right people in the right places in your organization.

A year in review

December 27, 2021 / / 0 Comments
2021 Year in Review | HCPLC

Something I like to do at the end of each year is look back and see where we’ve been. Some of what follows is more personal while other parts are more general and I believe can apply to most of us. But none of this is intended to be depressing! As a matter of fact the point of this year in review is to see what we can learn about ourselves and the community around us. So buckle up for a trip down short-term memory lane.

Ok so we start with calling out the elephant in the room. The year for some flat sucked. And for others it was ok. But I don’t think many people experienced a banner year. That’s a pretty big overgeneralization, but I think it applies to most of the population. From constant guessing about what’s next to trying to figure out how to stay healthy to keeping the income more then the expenses has proven to be challenging to many Americans.

The year started off with many of us trying to get back to normal, or as close to it as possible. We quickly figured out that what normal means for one person isn’t the same as normal for the next. Enter 3 issues that I feel summarize this year.

Is mutual respect still a thing?

So this is going to sound negative but stick with me for a second. One thing the last year+ has taught us is that mutual respect isn’t really something we can all agree on. It depends on where we get our information, what we believe to be real, whose opinion we actually value, and who our true friends are. This year has tested all of these ideals. And the challenge we have faced in 2021 was to not let these differing opinions divide us.

Something that we’ve all seen this year has been the walk away or lash out methods. It’s heartbreaking to see family and friends disagree on something, then let that disagreement lead to division. We can have fun rivalries in sports, why not in other areas of life? We have thick skin with some topics, so why has 2021 thinned our skin so badly? I really think it’s an issue of respect. We want someone else to respect us but we’re not as willing to humble ourselves to let someone else have an opinion that’s different than ours.

A token to take into a new year is to watch our reactions. Think before you speak or act. It’s easy to yell at someone or virtually erase them when they say something we don’t agree with. It’s easy to talk behind their back and belittle them. But it takes maturity to open up and welcome an honest and heartfelt disagreement. Then walk away as friends who see things differently.

We’re all going to die…eventually

I get it no one wants to talk about it but it’s true. We can’t live our lives in fear and that’s unfortunately what I have seen a lot of the past 12 months. No this is not a political or even a simply health related statement. Just look at how we react when storms are predicted. If we get word that a snow storm is coming, we rush to the store to get all the batteries, water and bread we can find. This past year has seen some shortages of products on shelves in part because when bad news spills into the airwaves we jump to fear mode.

Something to take with us into the new year is to find a place where you can grab ahold of hope. For some it’s in their loving family. For others it’s found in their friendships. For me and many like me that hope is found in my relationship with Jesus. Not everyone is a person of faith but I can attest personally to the fact that when my faith seems less, my fear increases.

Surround yourself with people who can encourage you. If you have a group like this, know you are blessed tremendously! Don’t be so easily offended when one of your encouragers actually puts the screws down and challenges you. If you can’t take challenge from a friend, then you might have your hope in the wrong place.

Way more good has happened if you just open your eyes.

Have you ever purchased a new to you vehicle? Then you realize that everyone in the world drives the same car! I remember getting my Black Ram 1500. Then I realized three of my neighbors had very similar trucks. You tend to see what you feel most closely.

The challenge we’ve faced in 2021 has been a product of our society lusting after scandal and fear and the whole sex sells mentality. If there’s bad news or a juicy story, you better believe that will flood the social streams! And when that’s what fills our minds, that’s all our eyes will see. As we move into a new year, we have the chance to change what our minds see. We have the ability to alter what we put into our minds so that our eyes can actually focus on something totally different than scandal and all the negative floating around.

As a person of faith, one thing I like to do is join members of the church I serve in reading the bible. We read the whole New Testament in 2021 and it helped so many people! In 2022, we’re doing another reading plan but this time it will be a more chronological approach to the Bible. We’ll read a little bit from all over the Bible in order of how it would have happened. We’ll leave out some of the parts that are, well harder to get through. The point will be to fill our minds with the things we want our eyes to see.

So all in all the year 2021 wasn’t the best of my 45 years to be certain. I suffered loss in areas of my life that I never would have predicted. But the true blessing of 2021 was that something happened in my heart that made me appreciate the simplicity of certain moments. What used to really irritate me, doesn’t seem to take the same toll. I’ve been able to see the people who are really there for me to support, encourage and challenge me. I’ve also been able to see the ones that aren’t. They each hold a special place in my life. I wouldn’t be who I am without the disagreements, encouragement, challenge, support, accountability, and camaraderie of so many. Thanks for a great year in 2021 and I can’t wait to see what new things God has in store for us in 2022!

Terrifying Statistics

December 23, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Be kind to your pastors. I know that many of you are just that, extremely kind and generous to your pastors. And to those I have the privilege of doing ministry with you are beyond kind and generous, so I thank you! But the reality is like every profession, Pastors are struggling and according to the studies it seems their struggle is impacting them more than we realized.

Through the last 20+ months many studies have been done on the great resignation and transitions in life and work. But there have also been targeted studies dealing with specific occupations, including pastors. The most recent study shows that pastors are hurting…bad!

The shocking statistic shows that nationwide over 38% of pastors are or have been contemplating leaving their position. And to make that even more real the research broke that out to pastors from mainline denominations where the number skyrocketed to 51% of pastors contemplating leaving! That’s scary!

Now before we get all suck it up buttercup, which is my normal reaction to things like this, we have to understand the landscape a bit. As pastors, we were not trained on how to lead and do ministry in a divisive context. We were not given the tools and resources on how to handle real relationships in congregations that we thought were strong implode overnight. We are not financial gurus. We are not perfect husbands and fathers. We are not superbly gifted in leadership or administration. For some reason many pastors act as if this whole church thing is a competition or something. We are taught, albeit implicitly, that growing churches with good finances and clear discipleship growth is a sign of healthy leadership and good biblical teaching. If we’re not seeing these things then are we really doing our jobs right?

I have to tell you these are dangerous places to sit!

If you’ve made it this far and you’re not a pastor, this one is for you. What can you do? Encourage your pastor. I don’t mean give them gifts, but real encouragement. Not just a good sermon pastor comment on the way out the door. Share a story of how the bible came to life in your week. Tell of the struggles you’re facing as you seek to apply the biblical teaching to your job as a teacher or trash collector or physician. Ask them questions about things you don’t understand in your daily devotional life. Show up! Seriously, a great source of encouragement for your pastor is to just be present. Be present in worship. Be present in bible class. Be present in service to those around you in your congregation and community. Be present in sharing your faith story with those around you.

Look pastors it’s going to be hard. And if I’m being honest, and not some negative Nancy, it’s going to get worse. I know that doesn’t sound very encouraging. But stick with me. The one thing you can do to break through this time of challenge and desire to quit is to realize what you’re actually here to do.

Your God-given mission is not to grow the church. Your call is not to build a bigger building or call another staff member. Your goal isn’t to get your members back in church or to make all the right decisions. Your call has nothing to do with balancing a budget. These are all good things and things to work toward, but they are not the main thing.

We are called to do two things: preach and administer God’s good gifts (sacraments). Really and truly that’s what we’re here to do. We are here to give away to our churches and communities everyday the wonderful message of how grace conquered sin, death and hell. We are called to make sure the gifts of baptism and communion are present as often as possible and that those who come participate in these gifts know what they are and why they are of value.

If I can give you any encouragement brothers it is this. You’re not in this alone so stop acting like it. Whether you’re in a mainline denomination or a nondenominational setting, there are thousands of us called by God to bring the joy of Christ to the world around us. Reach out to another pastor. Confide in your leadership. Share your struggles and your successes. It’s ok to celebrate the wins no matter how small! It’s ok to mourn the losses no matter the size. Reach out to someone if you’re struggling. Pray with your people. Know that we’re in this together, so reach out and we’ll share the burdens of ministry together.

Stay the course my friends. Reach out if you need some encouragement and coaching. I’m always here.

A Message of Hope This Year

December 22, 2021 / / 0 Comments
Hope is often found in unlikely places.

It’s no secret at all. The last two years have been harder than many of us could have imagined. We have dealt with trials that we only thought existed in books. It’s felt at times in these past 22 months like we’re living in some alternate, sci-fi reality world. No matter what field you’re in, this has not be easy and many are giving up hope. I wanted to share with you a little bit about how we can remain hopeful when it seems all hope is lost.

Now admittedly the idea for this post came from an article I read but the content included is my own. So credit for the idea goes elsewhere. Thank you to whomever wrote the article and I don’t even remember where I read it!

In the book of 2 Corinthians in the Bible, Paul writes about navigating times of challenge and trial. And while this passage does not directly apply to our current situation is does speak to the reality in which we are living. Here’s the passage:

We are afflicted in every way but not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; we are persecuted but not abandoned

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 CSB

Pressed but not crushed

I know the feeling of being pressed down fairly hard. Circumstances of life can really weigh a person down. This year is probably one of the hardest many of us have experienced. The weight of the holidays combined with the pressures of how different people react to illness and vaccines is really causing trouble in so many places.

But the passage tells us that as followers of Jesus, we should expect to be pressed but know that the pressing will not crush us. I think of it like pressing grapes or squeezing an orange. The good stuff of grapes and oranges is found on the inside. And without the external pressures of hardship and squeezing, we’d never have great things like orange juice or even wine. Could God be doing the same thing for you?

It’s not fun to think about being pressed by any means, but when you realize the pressing is to bring about something even better it makes things more manageable. Your hope is found in that while pressed you will not be crushed.

Perplexed but not in despair

Perplexed. Such a fun word. It simply means to be baffled or puzzled. Have you felt perplexed the last couple of years? I know that I sure have! Some days I don’t know which way is up. It’s hard to know if your words and actions will make someone happy or if it will thoroughly upset someone.

The idea behind being perplexed is that we are thrown off of our normal. We get confused. In and of itself, being perplexed is not a bad thing. It’s how we deal with the perplexing feelings that makes a difference. All too often the feelings of being perplexed lead to despair. When we don’t know where we are, it’s hard to know where we are going. And as leaders it can easily lead to despair when we aren’t able to know where we’re headed or even where we even are! The hope here is that God promises that being perplexed doesn’t have to lead to despair. When we find our truth and our way in Christ, we can remain hope-filled even in the most perplexing times of life.

Persecuted but not abandoned

This is one I hear far too often here in the USA. We act as if our inconveniences are persecutions. While that is true to a greater or lesser degree, we have to make sure we keep this in context. We are not persecuted when you compare how we have thing to how people are treated around the world.

But even if you happen to be reading this in a part of the world where persecution is real and dangerous and on a scale that much of the world can’t understand this promise is for you too. You can have hope knowing that even if life is dangerous and we are truly being persecuted for our faith, God is present. He is with us through it all. He won’t take away the pressure or persecution but he will be with us through it all. He’ll stand beside us to give us the aide we need to get through the trials of life. We are not abandoned.

So the long and short of the challenges we face is that they are not the end of the world. They are there to point us to how amazing and wonderful God is. He’s faithful. He’s present. He’s protecting us in ways we don’t even see. Stay strong friends. Rely on the power of the ever present God to get you through.

The Great Resignation

November 30, 2021 / / 0 Comments
Blog: The myths around quitting your job — People Matters

It’s no secret and not a political statement whatsoever, but people are leaving jobs at alarming rates. They’re just not feeling satisfied or fulfilled in the current situation. Some are leaving because they believe a better thing is over the horizon, even though they do not have that better thing locked down yet. Whatever the reason, the departure of key people in an organization can take its toll pretty rapidly. But there are a few things leaders can do to take the pressure off of those who remain.

Don’t be a cry baby.

Ok so I’m not trying to be mean here but far too often we gripe and complain when things don’t go our way. We whine that someone hurt our feelings. We blame others for what in reality we played a significant role in making happen.

Look none of us picked to live or lead through a challenging time like 2020 and 2021, but honestly we don’t have a choice. I’ve been known to give a good suck it up buttercup line every once in a while, and I know it seems harsh and uncaring to say it. But in reality we were built for such a time as this. The longer we spend complaining about what’s not going right, the harder it will be to see the great opportunities right in front of us. Mourn the loss but do it while you’re moving forward.

Make a decision already!

I’m not a huge fan of waffling. I like to eat waffles but can’t stand waffling in decision making. I know some decisions are huge and require time to think, pray and gather insight from friends and family. But if you’re truly honest with yourself, the longer you wait the harder the decision becomes. Additionally, in most cases we already have our minds made up. We know what we’re going to do, we’re just afraid to actually pull the trigger.

I’m going to be totally honest here. Indecision and momentum rarely coexist. You can’t move forward if you can’t make a decision. If you’re not able to make that hard call, then surround yourself with people who can help you make wise decisions. If you just can’t bring yourself to do the hard thing you know needs done, then bring someone on board in your life who can nudge you gently in the direction you need to go. NOTE: this nudging, no matter how gentle will feel like they’re beating the crap out of you but they really are most likely being very gentle. Just start small and move in the direction. It’s far easier to make corrective action when you’re moving than when you’re sitting still.

Keep your chin up.

This summer my son left for basic training in the United States Army. Before he left, I told him to keep his chin up and his nose clean. The nose clean business is basically don’t do anything stupid and stay out of trouble. But the chin up was very intentional. One of the things that happens a lot in life is that we let situations around us bring us down. When my son left he was sad to leave home and everything he knew. He was scared and didn’t know what to expect. Chin up son. Keep focusing ahead on what’s coming.

Friend, I know life likely isn’t what you planned or expected or even hoped for just a couple short years ago. I know things come at you at lightning speed and catch you off guard. I know that you have to make decisions that you really don’t want to make. I also know very well that other people’s decisions will impact you whether you like it or not. But keep your chin up because brighter days are coming.

It’s been a theme in life for me the past 15 years or so that something will catch me off guard and I’ll stumble a bit. The longer I look at the problem the worse I feel. The longer I think of the thing or person that caused hurt, the bigger and all consuming that problem becomes and the more it impacts everything else. But sometimes you just have to chin up and see beyond the present moment. When we lift our chins we can see past our feet and over the hill to the horizon. It’s there that we find hope and future. Don’t get stuck gazing at your toes! They won’t tell you what’s coming.

Keep moving. Keep looking ahead. Keep taking one small step after another. It’ll be alright.

Do Not Run-away

November 3, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Well, it’s Wednesday and if you’re awake anywhere in the world, you undoubtedly know that life can sometimes be challenging. As a matter of fact the odds are pretty strong that you are having a bad day right now.

If you’re having a great day, then good for you! I pray it stays that way and that this might be helpful sometime down the road. If you’re in one of those rough slumps, then I want to encourage you to keep going.

There are a couple different natural reactions to challenge in life. We call them fight or flight typically. The one is to rise above and push hard to bull your way through a challenging ordeal. The other is probably more typical, and it involves walking away and never looking back.

While the fight or flight methods are generally applied across the board in a variety of scenarios, there is a stark reality that we rarely consider when it comes to running away from our struggles or from those situations that are hard for us. You can’t really run away. It just doesn’t work like that.

You cannot run away from your problems because you bring you with you wherever you go. Nine times out of ten, we play a significant role in the problem we’re trying to flee. And if we’re trying to get away from a problem that we’re part of, then it just won’t work. You can’t run away from yourself!

We love to push blame on other people when it comes to our problems. It’s always someone else’s fault. She said such and such. He wasn’t kind. But what if the issue is inside us? What if it’s not her words or his tone or their actions? What if the problem really is our predisposition to not be able to handle our own shortcomings?

I know it’s tempting to hit the road when challenges arise. I know that many feel this is the best way to handle things, but it really isn’t. It might get you away from the person you no longer want to be around. It might get you out of a situation that’s uncomfortable. But it won’t fix anything, because there’s a really good chance at least part of the ownership of the problem lies in you.

Take time to evaluate the real root of the problem. Take inventory of what role you played in the situation from which you’re trying to run. Pause to collect yourself. Then step back in with a cool head and honest heart. It’s the only way to make sure you don’t take the problem with you wherever you go.

A Culture Lusting To Be Offended

November 2, 2021 / / 0 Comments

It should be no secret that being offended is almost like a new drug in our culture. I don’t really understand it. I mean I get a nice cold beverage on a hot summer day. I can even see someone grabbing a scratch off ticket just out of curiosity if they might win a few dollars. But I’ve never understood some of the other addictions in the world. I know being addicted is an illness and it’s not something you can just get over on your own either. It takes work and help…lots of help.

But there’s a newish trend in our culture right now that has elevated a new addiction above some of the bigger more glamorous ones. It’s the addiction to being offended. I see this all the time. From friends to neighbors to family members, people just have a new desire to be upset.

Now when it comes to being offended there are two sides. There’s the one who is offended and the person who gave the offense. So who’s at fault? Something to remember that is challenging in the moment.

Just because you take offense does not mean it was given.

I know that sounds like an oxymoron but think about it. Have you ever had someone talk to you and you just got all bent out of shape because of some external circumstance that had little to nothing to do with the person who was talking to you? This is that very thing. When you’re offended here are some keys to dealing with that feeling of offense.

What do I know about the person?

One idea to consider when dealing with an offense is to evaluate the relationship you have with the individual or group of people. How well do you know them? Is the way you’re taking this event consistent with how they have treated you in the past? Could they be dealing with something of which you’re unaware?

What’s going on in my heart?

Another thing to consider is yourself. You see a lot of the time when we are offended we are struggling with something of our own and it’s just easier to emotionally throw up on someone else than deal with our own heart. So before you let someone’s words or actions cause you to say/do something you can’t take back, make sure you do a little introspection. What are you going through? What is eating at your heart? What emotion are you struggling with that you haven’t fully addressed?

Is what I heard actually what was said?

This is a hard one, probably the hardest one of all. It’s super easy to infuse our own thoughts and concerns and emotions into someone else’s communication with us. It’s super hard to objectively step back and offer an honest assessment of a situation at which we might be at fault. This is why I have made it a practice to follow most of my harder conversations by writing a verbatim, or as close as possible to a word for word account of what was said as I am able. Remove all emotion. I don’t write down tone of voice or body language just the words that were actually said as close to verbatim as I possibly can get. This has helped me numerous times diffuse my own offense addiction. When I can re-read what was actually said it forces me to remove my preconceived ideas and disconnect my emotion from the situation.

The long and short is simple. Just because you feel offended does NOT mean someone offended you. Perhaps their words were heard in a way that wasn’t what you had hoped to hear. Perhaps what you heard wasn’t actually said. Or perhaps there’s more to the story that you can’t see because you’re just too close. No matter. If an offense is made either by someone else or by you, seek restoration quickly because the longer you go having been offended the more it will eventually effect your other relationships as well.

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