Tag: Friendship (Page 2 of 2)

Do you know who your real friends are?

January 6, 2022 / / 0 Comments
60 Best Friendship Quotes - Cute Short Sayings About Best Friends

As I was driving to the gym this morning, I had the chance to listen to one of my frequent podcasts. This one has been a regular for me the past 2 years. The topic was all about what we’ve learned in 2021. It was kind of the wrap up podcast for the year. The podcast guest was talking about the challenges of life he’d experienced in 2021 and something really stood out at me.

He said that he’s learned who his real friends are and who his seasonal friends are. He described the difference between real friends – those who are there for you no matter what, and seasonal friends – those who are there as long as you have something they want or need then they leave you as soon as you’ve fulfilled that felt need.

Wow. I have to say that was a pretty hard knock on the chin as I listened. I think I’ve felt and probably been both of those kinds of friends. Now some key take aways for me from this podcast, and how it has applied to my life. The speaker was a pastor so understand he is speaking from a perspective that I can very much relate to. As a pastor, it’s hard at times to fully invest in every relationship that comes my way. There are times when I have to honestly tell people that I just can’t invest a ton of time into a new relationship at the moment. I know that sounds weird but we only have so much capacity and I am becoming increasingly aware of my limits. With age evidently does come some element of wisdom. You can keep your comments to yourself here thank you very much!

Friendships take time and effort to be certain and a real friend is one who understands that these efforts have to be reciprocal but not always equal. The speaker on the podcast went on to say that throughout the past couple of years in his church, he’s lost several people he thought were real friends. Some left when things got challenging. Others bailed when they didn’t like how he handled a certain situation. And some just quit communicating altogether for reasons unknown to him.

I think we’ve all seen this to some extent or another over the past several months and even years. Maybe you’re the one who’s lost friends like this? Maybe you’re one of those who’s abandoned a solid friendship for something that is more to your liking in the moment? No matter on which side of this you land, know that relationships are a two way street that take effort which ebbs and flows over time.

The distinction between friends who are there for you until they get what they need then leave and those who are there when you have nothing left to offer was intriguing to me. Have you ever experienced that? Someone seemingly receives the encouragement, support, companionship and help from you for a period of time – then they vanish like the cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland?

I know this is a hard statement to hear and even harder to apply but don’t take it personally. If you’ve lost friends in this way, know that sometimes God has to remove some things from your life to free you up for new things. Not always better things but there will always be something new around the corner.

I think that many friendships will last beyond our apparent usefulness. There will be those people in your life who will always be there regardless of time and distance and even you ability to be helpful to them. Some of our friendships are just that solid. I know that I have several of these kinds of friends in my life and I value them highly. But we’ll also have some friendships that will be around for a season, then vanish like the fog as the sun rises. I value these friendships as well. All of those people who come into our lives are there for a reason. They are present to teach us something about life, friendship, and even ourselves.

To those I call friend thank you for being a part of my life in any variety of ways. To those who’ve come and gone, you’re likely not even reading this but thank you for the ways you’ve supported and influenced me through life. I value each of you for who God made you to be and the impact you’ve had on me.

As I grow older I realize that real friends who are there through thick and thin are much more valuable than I ever thought possible. Cherish the ones you have! Pour into those relationships because they are more precious than the finest gold.

Are You A Good Friend?

August 6, 2021 / / 0 Comments

So I’ve been doing a little thinking lately (can you smell brain cells burning?). I’ve been thinking about friendships and what it takes to be a good friend. I really didn’t think about writing anything about this because, well to be honest, I don’t consider myself a super friendly person. It’s not that friendship isn’t important to me but it seems in life friendships come and go based on preference and time. But perhaps it’s because we don’t really understand how friendship works at its core.

I believe that many friendships are internally focused. We kind of ask the whole what’s in it for me kind of question when it comes to friendships. But that’s really not what friendships are about. Friendships are not about me but about the other person. If we’re asking the me questions then we have the wrong focus. And I fear that we have an improper focus in a lot of areas.

So if friendships aren’t about me then what are they about? The other person!

We enter friendships with questions like why don’t they do things how I want? or I don’t like it when they tell me that truth, even though it’s truth, because it hurts my feelings.

I recently ran across an article titled 7 Tips for Being a Good Friend. It had some pretty golden points in it. I’ve linked the article here, but below are the 30,000 foot view of those points. By all means follow the link to check out the full article.

  • Face to Face is Best – we live in a tech savvy world and often prefer text and social media to actual contact but when it comes to friendships in person is always the best option.
  • Establish Rhythms – when our friendships are not intentional they’ll easily dissolve into something unhealthy and eventually just fade away.
  • Ask Deeper Questions – friendships sometimes deal in some pretty surface level stuff, but a lasting friendship will go deeper to what’s behind the obvious.
  • Be Affirming – there’s nothing better than to have someone who’s opinion you value give you some affirming feedback. Give and receive this affirmation well.
  • Get Away Together – so this might be a little more challenging in some circles but taking a friend-cation might be a fun thing to do to deepen and grow your existing friendships.
  • Be Early Stay Late – one challenge the last 18 months has brought us is a lack of connection at church. So when it comes to worship, show up 15 minutes early and don’t bolt when it’s over. Instead stick around and strike up conversations with people you care about.
  • Dig Deeper with Discipleship – So for those of us who are Jesus followers taking a friendship to the next level will happen only when we bring Jesus into the middle of that friendship.

While this list is likely not exhaustive, nor will it fit all friendship circles, there is certainly some friendship gold in here for all of us. I have some friendships that don’t do all of these things, but the biggest part of friendship is being present in the moment.

Finally, if you and your friend don’t see eye to eye on something, it doesn’t mean you have to disown them. You can be friends with people with whom you don’t agree. Have some robust conversations. Engage in dialogue. Listen well. Be there for them. Most of all be kind it goes a long way in a world that’s void of kindness.

Three Directions That Matter

May 12, 2021 / / 0 Comments

I’ve been spending a lot of time considering relationships lately. There are so many key relationships that we need to tend in our lives. We need to maintain healthy relationships in so many areas of life. From family to friends to co-works to neighbors balancing all of them and figuring out how to keep all these relationships going can be challenging. But what if we can categorize things into groupings that allow us to see our relationships from a different light.

I’ve been considering my relationships as focusing on three different areas or in three different directions. These directions are up, in and out.

Up

The relationship that fits in this category is the relationship we have with God. This is a super important relationship. We need to spend intentional time focusing on and growing in our relationship with God. It’s done through time in worship, Bible study and prayer to name just a few. This relationship is critical to say the very least. It’s important because it sets up how we view the other relationships in our lives. If this relationship is not in focus, then the other two categories will not be in focus either.

In

There’s a distinction in our world between people who are in and those who are out. This generally means that one group, the in group, believes what you believe and see life how you see life. While the out group is not seeing life how you see life and does not believe what and how you believe. We’ll use this category the same way. Those who fall in our in group are those who see, think, believe and even act like we do. They generally are people who are believers as well. They have an up relationship with God. They talk about that relationship and share very similar values that you share. Growing relationships in this category is critical.

This is like building your family. You are surrounding yourself with people who are of a similar mindset. It’s the whole strength in numbers or brotherhood in suffering mentality. When you’re surrounded by men and women who see life through a similar set of lenses as you see life, you’ll find comfort in rough times and power in good times.

Out

The final category of relationships are those who don’t see life the same way. And to be totally honest this set of relationships is extremely important just like the other two. Think of it as a triangle. You need all three sides and all three angles to make a proper triangle. Well to have a balanced and healthy lifestyle, you need all three types of relationships. The people who find their way into this category are those who don’t see life the same way you see life. But just because you don’t agree on the best color of carpet or the best sports team, doesn’t mean you can’t still engage in dialogue and have a healthy relationship. These are neighbors and coworkers, teammates and classmates.

We don’t share everything with these people but we do share some overlap in our interests and hobbies and extracurriculars. These people are everywhere and we need to invest some healthy time in these kinds of friendships and relationships.

The key for all of this is to balance the three. If we are too heavy on any one side of this triangle the whole thing gets wonky. We’ll spend some time over the next few weeks looking at lopsided relational triangles. But for now, here’s a little more explanation of the three sides and how we live them out.

Friends Are Friends Forever

November 20, 2017 / / 0 Comments

Friends are something that all too often are overlooked. I’m not talking about a friend who’s here one day and gone the next but a real friend. A real friend is one who is there with you through the greatest of times and sticks around when everything is falling apart. A friend isn’t there for themselves but there for you. A true friend can see your hurt and is comfortable just being present to hold you up when you’re too weak to stand. Friends bring fun and exciting things to life and can put a smile on our faces just by walking in a room. Continue reading

It’s Not Over Yet

March 27, 2017 / / 0 Comments

Man sometimes life can just stink! I mean you plan and prepare and have everything all lined up and then WHAM! out of nowhere your day just goes down hill and I mean quick! It’s tempting in these moment to just throw in the towel and give up. It’s easy to just let that feeling of defeat overwhelm you. But what should you do when it’s all but over?  Continue reading

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