Tag: family (Page 2 of 3)

What’s Your Story?

September 9, 2022 / / 0 Comments

There’s nothing like a good story! If you get the right story, it can suck you in and almost pull you through it. All good stories have a few things in common. They have relatable characters, a good plot, generally there’s some good tension that needs to be worked out, and in most cases good stories have some form of a happy ending or at least a good resolution.

So what’s your favorite story? Why is it your favorite? Do these common ideas for good stories apply to your favorite story?

As I see it there’s a pretty straightforward way defining a story. Here’s my definition: a story is the life or adventure of a character who wants something and is willing to overcome challenge(s) to get it.

I think our lives are a lot like story as well. So often we get bored with our lives. We get bored with our relationships or with our jobs or with our hobbies. Why? I think it’s because we have lost the art of story in our day to day lives. We’ve stopped seeing the plot of our lives develop and our character progress through the narrative of life.

Think about your life as a story for a minute. You are the main character. There are protagonists (those are the good guys) and there are antagonists (those are the bad ones). Some of the bad guys are really bad and some of the good guys are, well nominally good at best and eventually prove to be not in your corner the way you thought.

Our lives have some form of adventure as well, even if it’s not climbing mountains or repelling off of buildings or saving the world. We can have adventure in driving to work or walking the dog or making dinner. There is adventure in just about every aspect of our lives if we just open our eyes to see it.

Our life has a plot as well. Although admittedly this one is an area of our lives that we don’t focus on nearly enough. What’s the plot of your life story? Do you even know what you’re about or why you’re here? This is your plot. The why behind the what of your day to day life. Without a plot we grow tired and wear out quickly. We burn out. We give up. We walk away. Not knowing our plot or having the wrong plot, i.e. life story, is what causes us to drift and lose focus on important relationships or even lose our jobs. The lack of plot, in my mind, is a huge factor in much of the depression we see in our world and honestly a significant factor in divorces, college drop outs and the inability to hold a steady carrier.

Think about marriage for a second. Marriage has a plot. But for many couples with children, those kiddos are the plot of their life. This is why so many couples have trouble when they become empty nesters. The kids were the plot to their story, and with no children around they seemingly have no plot. So little marriage tip – your children are not the point of your marriage. A product of it to be certain but they are not the point of it. The sooner you figure that one out the healthier your marriage will actually be.

Our faith lives are the same way. If our lives as followers of Jesus are only about the Sunday morning church attendance gig, then we’re doing it wrong. Then we’re going to burn out on “doing church.” We’re going to wander to the next church around the corner when this one doesn’t give us what we want. And quick hint…that new church won’t cut it forever either. That is until you figure out your story. Faith is about far more than going to church or giving an offering or singing a song or which book we use in worship. Faith is about story. It’s about your story and God’s story colliding in a fantastic adventure.

A life of faith is the adventure of a character who’s willing to overcome adversity to achieve something. This was what drove Jesus to do what he did for us. This is what took him to the cross and out of the grave. It was the story of salvation. Our story isn’t one of salvation. It’s the story of discipleship. This is what Jesus told us to do and what we’re supposed to be about daily.

Living a life of faith is about growing in our love for Jesus. It’s realizing every day just how loved we are by the one who created all things. It’s the story of loving one another and serving one another and being with one another. It’s about letting the image of Christ come to light in all we do.

So I guess now is the best time to start living that story!

Time to Fight!

August 22, 2022 / / 0 Comments

In my previous post, I referred to a book that basically addressed the three things every man needs in his life. We called those a battle to fight, an adventure to conquer and a beauty to pursue. These ideas come from the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. If you have a guy in your life, whether husband – boyfriend – child or dad, I do recommend this book. If you’re raising daughters, I still recommend this book so they know what a man looks like in a world filled with boys.

The first thing a man needs in his life is a battle to fight. I know that sounds a tad morbid and maybe a little pushing the envelop too much but I definitely agree with this in my own life! Just look at how we live or lives as men. We love to fight. Not fist fight or beat someone up or shoot someone. I don’t mean we’re all evil villains or anything like that. But something happens in a man when a fight presents itself.

Again, before we get too far into this, remember this is not a gender bashing seminar. I’m not talking men over women or anything like that. This is just a way to look at the men in your life and understand a little about what makes us tick. There’s a companion to this book which I’ll be reading next and I’ll give a similar summary for women. This is not saying that women can’t fight or don’t have a fight instinct. I know plenty of women that seem to enjoy a good fight from time to time. But the inner workings of a man need a fight.

So it’s time for war then right?

Not so fast. That’s not exactly what we’re talking about with fight. The idea of a battle to fight is embedded in most every video game boys gravitate toward. It’s written on the hearts of the boys who all they want to do is join the military and defend (read fight for) their country. It’s written in the instincts of married men to defend and fight for their families.

There are some outliers here but at the heart of every man who desires to be a man is the need to fight for what is in their life. Fight for their wives and children. It’s why if someone breaks into our home in the middle of the night, we jump to see what’s going on instead of throw our wives out in front of us. It’s the fight instinct that is built into men.

I believe that’s part of how God designed us and if we’re not living up to this instinct and fighting for our families, then we’ve abandoned God’s design for our lives. Essentially we’re not really men anymore.

This fight instinct is what drives most men to work harder. It’s what makes them want to beat the car beside them off the line at a red light as if they were in a drag race. It’s what makes their heart race and blood pressure swell when they see someone in danger.

There’s one drawback however. Most of the time the man inside is a bit of a pansy. And by that I mean most of the time men pick the easier battle to fight and run from the one that takes more time and effort and energy. This is why some guys fall for porn or extra-marital affairs. It’s because they don’t have the guts to fight hard enough. Being married isn’t easy. Not sure who ever convinced you it would be, but it isn’t. Two different lives are blended as one. That doesn’t sound easy to me at all! But it’s not just marriage. It’s virtually everywhere in life. Doing what’s right is generally the harder task. Dieting isn’t easy. Eating healthy isn’t easy. Exercise isn’t easy. Creating a healthy mental routine isn’t easy. But it’s all necessary!

So what then?

Whether you’re a guy or you have one in your life who you call husband or son, there are some things you might want to consider.

  1. Don’t try to tame the wild heart. All too often we tell our sons to be more gentle or to calm down or don’t get so worked up. Sorry but no. That’s just not going to cut it. Men need to be able to be wild at heart as the book title demonstrates. We need to be able to swell up and fight when the time is right. Don’t make tame what God created wild.
  2. Learn to redirect. The issue with most boys is that they don’t know how to direct their excitement or passion. Their instinct to fight hasn’t been honed yet so most boys don’t know how to fight appropriately given the circumstances. Teach your sons not to calm down but how and when to be excited. Show them what it means to be controlled even in the throws of a battle. Teach them what it means to fight for what is worth fighting for and not fall for the lies that will end up leaving you empty when pursued.
  3. Be present. We’ll get to this one later but the best thing for a boy becoming a man is to have a dad who’s present fighting for them and their mom. Boys learn from their dads by what they say and what they do. So dads set the right example. It’s far too easy to run to our work, hobbies, other interests. When you’re home, then be home. Don’t take your parental task lightly.

So it’s time to fight and I mean really fight for the things and people in our lives we care about. If it’s hard, don’t back down. If things get challenging and we think it should be easier, don’t take the easy way out and run. Don’t give up just because you’re having a hard day, month, year or even decade. Be a man and fight. Do the hard work. Put in the hard time. Fight because that’s what you were made for! Anything else is giving in to the wimp that Satan wants you to be.

Boys and Guns

August 16, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I still remember the day we sent my sons to stay with my in-laws over night. I wasn’t nervous about them going or worried I was going to miss them too much. I mean my in-laws did a pretty good job raising their three daughters. They would be just fine. But that’s what got me. Three daughters. My boys are not daughters. They are boys. And they were just at the age where they were really intrigued with playing with toys.

Whether it was racing toy cars around or building with blocks, they loved to make things work. It was just who they were. But they were going to a home that had only seen girls. All girls meant all girl toys. Now don’t get your panties in a bunch or anything. I wasn’t afraid if they played with a doll or something they’d somehow change identities. I just was a little concerned that they didn’t have anything to play with is all. But was I ever surprise…

Boys have something that is born into their DNA. As author John Eldredge explains in his book Wild At Heart, males have three things they need. They need a battle to fight, an adventure to conquer and a beauty to pursue. No one has to teach a male child any of these things. They just kind of happen.

Battle to Fight

Ever wonder who came up with the ideas of hockey, football, even golf? They were dudes. They were men who needed to fight something, even if it was a tiny white ball in the middle of the grass. Getting out there and smacking a ball into oblivion somehow spoke to the battle sense of a man. You don’t have to teach a male child how to fight for what’s right. And you really shouldn’t try to teach them out of that fight instinct either!

The idea of having a battle to fight and having men willing to jump into that role has kept us in a safe place in the greatest country the world has ever seen. Men needing a battle to fight is what took one of my sons into service in the US Army. Needing a battle to fight is what saved that weekend at grandmas too.

You see when we picked them up, I was amazed at what I saw. Both of my boys were playing with Barbie dolls. But not exactly how one normally plays with dolls! They had them contorted in some way to make them look like guns. They, without any provocation or enticement from anyone, took the dolls and folded their arms as a handle. Then made the noises of guns. We didn’t have guns in the house at the time. We didn’t watch war movies or really much of anything but Veggie Tales in front of them. So where did they get it? A need for a battle to fight. It was born into them.

Adventure to Conquer

Eldredge says that men need more than just a good fight. They also need to find adventure in life. We’ll pick these apart a tad more in the next couple of weeks, but the gist is that men like to find new territory. Climb to new heights. Make things into an adventure. Just look at how boys play. They build forts. Have wars to fight. Even the video games that most guys grab are all about adventure and battle.

Beauty to Pursue

Ladies this one is for you. Men have an innate desire to fight for, protect and provide for the woman in their lives. Now as a guy, I can admit we don’t always do it correctly. But the idea is there. We want to provide for the family. We will do anything to protect our wife. We wouldn’t trade that for the world, well most of the time. Again, we’ll hit on how this goes awry in a future post.

There are some key things that make men who and what they are. These three ideas are some of the basic elements of what it mens to be a man. Please don’t read this as all men are like this, because there are some outliers. Also don’t read that no women have these same desires or abilities. The purpose here is to see how a man’s mind is wired. It’s a fundamental part of how we were built.

And, as a follower of Jesus, I think this is very much part of how God designed us to live in his image. But we can hit that topic another time. For now cherish the “man’ness” of that guy in your life. Don’t try to stifle what appears to be a violent streak when he talks about war or gathers his arsenal for the zombi apocalypse. Don’t get worried when he looks for adventure around every turn. And remember that his goal is to pursue the beauty in his life. Sometimes that doesn’t look how you might want it to but if he’s logging extra hours and making sure there’s cash in the bank to have that great vacation you’re wanting…yep that’s likely part of this pursuit.

All in all, men don’t need to be taught how to be men as long as there’s a strong male influence in their lives. So dads don’t slack on this one. It’s time to log off the computer for a bit, come in from the shop, set aside some real time to be with your family. Whether you’re a dad of boys or girls, they need to see what a real man is like around the house.

We See You

March 25, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Sometimes it’s easy to feel like you might just slip through the cracks. It’s never been your style to flaunt yourself for anyone. You have never tried to get your name in lights. Not even once. You’re quiet and unassuming. Yet you’re there whenever we need you. You don’t want attention and probably wouldn’t approve of this post – so I’m not asking. But I think it’s important for you to know that we see you.

You played the part of nurse when we were sick. You bandaged our wounds and made sure we had the right treatment for any illness we met. You didn’t ask for accolades but we see you.

You were there when we made the wise choices that you asked us to make. You praised us for doing things right. You celebrated our wins, even when those wins weren’t anything all that spectacular. You were the first to clap at our concerts or recitals. You were the biggest, proudest smile in the crowd. Even though you never wanted to stand out, you should know we see you.

You were there when our choices were less than wise, some would say downright stupid! Your discipline was firm but gentle, if that’s possible. Your reprimands were more communicated through disappointment in our choices than a harsh laying on of hands. Yet through the disappointment, we never doubted your love for us. We see you.

You’ve been care give many times over now and that’s an exhausting task. Whether it’s helping through a post surgery recovery or guiding loved ones through the pains of Alzheimer’s, you were there and it seems you’re at it again. The task of caring for someone else can be exhausting and a seemingly unthankful task. Everyone asks how the patient is doing, but we see you.

The work you do and the things you say impact so many people. It’s like a rock dropped in a pond whose ripples echo out seemingly forever. This is how your love for us and those around you has impacted so many.

The days and weeks ahead through dad’s post surgery recovery might not be what any of us asked for, but we all know one thing for certain. God gave us a gift in you to watch as you handle these challenges. We’ve learned a lot and, even as we are grown, are still learning even through yet another round. You will get tired. You will grow weary. You might even ask if anyone cares. So let me remind you now – Mom, we see you and we love you.

A Small Surprise

January 5, 2022 / / 1 Comment

Parents if you’re anything like me, you probably wonder Am I doing this right? I’ve wondered that for the last 18 years. I’ve wondered why in the world God would entrust the lives of 3 small, vulnerable little beings into my care! I just didn’t get it. I remember bringing the boys home from the hospital wondering NOW what!? I had absolutely no clue what I was doing. Well, I’m here to tell you to stick with it moms and dads. Stay the course. You never know when life is going to come full circle and your children are going to shock you.

Now at the outset I’m going to tell you that my children have an amazing mother. She was there for each of them pretty much consistently from birth until present day. She worries for them. Nurtures them, yes even at nearly 19 she’s still in full on nurture mode at times. And to be completely honest my children are amazing! Despite my lackluster parenting skills they turned out pretty good if I do say so myself. But sometimes even my good kids shock me!

Short Back Story

For the past two weeks we were together at home as a whole family again. The last time that happened was on Father’s Day of 2021. We celebrated Christmas and New Year’s and just enjoyed some relaxing time together. Totally not normal for me but it was wonderful! Then this weekend I had to take Lucas back to Fort Drum. We talked about life and how his Team Leader and some of his superior officers have told him that he’s very respectful and that he follows orders well.

He replied to them Well, my dad told me to keep my chin up and my nose clean. So that’s what I’m doing.

You see the one piece of advice I gave him before heading out to basic training was to not stand out too much and keep his nose clean and chin up. He was going to have hard days but keep the chin up. There’s always something good to see. And keep your nose clean meant to not get in trouble that would get you disciplined or singled out.

Well the drive was long and a tad rocky at times due to ice and snow storms on our way to upstate New York. And I didn’t get home until 4am after the nearly 16 hour round trip drive.

The Real Shocker

I backed in the garage, barely able to keep my eyes open. Dropped my bag and keys off in the kitchen. And was ready to just pass out in bed. When my eye caught something on my safe. As I was getting ready for bed I saw a small Moleskin notebook that I had given to Lucas before he took off for basic training. I told him he could use it for whatever he wanted. I knew he was making notes of what he learned and that it was kind of a journal of sorts for his time in training and that I’d get it for Christmas. But honestly I just assumed he’d forgotten.

But there it was. Right on top of my safe. He knew I would see it there because I see that safe every night before I go to bed. I thumbed through the pages quickly. It was full of daily accounts of what he did in the field and some things he felt I could use or would find interesting. Why he thought I needed to know how to effectively clear a room is beyond me but I got your six if you ever need help. LOL

I was too tired to read it all but as I flipped through the pages one page stood out at me. The pages weren’t dogeared or anything. It just kind of opened to this page. It was kind of the hinge point of the entire journal. I read that page in its entirety and stood quiet and dumbfounded.

You see the point of this is that sometimes our children surprise us. They do things we aren’t expecting. I never would have expected my son to write prayer journal and explain the ways he saw God working while at training. I never would have guessed that he’d already have volunteered to get involved in assisting with worship at the chapel on base. These are just little things that blew me away.

You see parents your children will do things that surprise you if you let them. I want to remind you to set healthy boundaries for your children. They need to be able to count on you, but you have to let them fly. And when you set healthy rhythms and boundaries for them, you’ll quickly see how easily they’ll surprise you if you just give them the chance.

Are You A Good Friend?

August 6, 2021 / / 0 Comments

So I’ve been doing a little thinking lately (can you smell brain cells burning?). I’ve been thinking about friendships and what it takes to be a good friend. I really didn’t think about writing anything about this because, well to be honest, I don’t consider myself a super friendly person. It’s not that friendship isn’t important to me but it seems in life friendships come and go based on preference and time. But perhaps it’s because we don’t really understand how friendship works at its core.

I believe that many friendships are internally focused. We kind of ask the whole what’s in it for me kind of question when it comes to friendships. But that’s really not what friendships are about. Friendships are not about me but about the other person. If we’re asking the me questions then we have the wrong focus. And I fear that we have an improper focus in a lot of areas.

So if friendships aren’t about me then what are they about? The other person!

We enter friendships with questions like why don’t they do things how I want? or I don’t like it when they tell me that truth, even though it’s truth, because it hurts my feelings.

I recently ran across an article titled 7 Tips for Being a Good Friend. It had some pretty golden points in it. I’ve linked the article here, but below are the 30,000 foot view of those points. By all means follow the link to check out the full article.

  • Face to Face is Best – we live in a tech savvy world and often prefer text and social media to actual contact but when it comes to friendships in person is always the best option.
  • Establish Rhythms – when our friendships are not intentional they’ll easily dissolve into something unhealthy and eventually just fade away.
  • Ask Deeper Questions – friendships sometimes deal in some pretty surface level stuff, but a lasting friendship will go deeper to what’s behind the obvious.
  • Be Affirming – there’s nothing better than to have someone who’s opinion you value give you some affirming feedback. Give and receive this affirmation well.
  • Get Away Together – so this might be a little more challenging in some circles but taking a friend-cation might be a fun thing to do to deepen and grow your existing friendships.
  • Be Early Stay Late – one challenge the last 18 months has brought us is a lack of connection at church. So when it comes to worship, show up 15 minutes early and don’t bolt when it’s over. Instead stick around and strike up conversations with people you care about.
  • Dig Deeper with Discipleship – So for those of us who are Jesus followers taking a friendship to the next level will happen only when we bring Jesus into the middle of that friendship.

While this list is likely not exhaustive, nor will it fit all friendship circles, there is certainly some friendship gold in here for all of us. I have some friendships that don’t do all of these things, but the biggest part of friendship is being present in the moment.

Finally, if you and your friend don’t see eye to eye on something, it doesn’t mean you have to disown them. You can be friends with people with whom you don’t agree. Have some robust conversations. Engage in dialogue. Listen well. Be there for them. Most of all be kind it goes a long way in a world that’s void of kindness.

Perhaps An Unpopular Opinion

May 5, 2021 / / 1 Comment

I want to start by saying this will likely be unpopular with some of you and I respect your opinion. However this is something I am starting to believe more and more firmly as I watch my own home, church, community, country and the world as a whole. To put it short, the biggest challenge facing the world right now is not political, medical or financial. It’s about family.

Everything in our world right now is messed up and upside down and it has nothing to do with who’s in the White House or how imbalanced the sides of the aisle are currently. It has nothing to do with unemployment or national debt. The problems that we are facing by and large come from the breakdown and devaluing of the family unit and men it’s our fault.

Now before you go getting all upset and crankified hear me out.

Men have neglected their responsibility, and it’s killing families which in turn kills communities which in turn kills cultures which in turn is messing up the whole world in which we live.

If we want to really right the ship we’re all sailing on we’ll focus on raising men who know how to be men. We’ll raise a man who stays with his wife even when he disagrees with her. We’ll teach a man to be there for his family, not just abandon them or throw a paycheck at them. We’ll teach a man to claim responsibility for failures and mistakes. We talk about abortion but why not focus on teach the boys in our culture to keep their pants on! We talk about getting handouts from the government but why not teach boys to get jobs and stick with them!

The problem isn’t about jobs or politics or even race. It’s that we as a society have let men get off the hook with being pansies. We’ve let them stay boys in a world that needs men. We’ve let them run off and abandon their wife and kids. All this does is teach the next generation that this is the way you can treat a woman. And the cycle continues and spirals.

If we want a movement in our world that will really impact an entire nation and that balances presumed racial hate and elevates women, then we need to start teaching men how to be men. When men reach the top of our potential, we’re better able to lift the ceiling so that our wife and children can go farther and higher than we were able to go.

We’ll never grow as a society on the shoulders of weak men. We’ll never conquer the hate in our world be belittling anyone. You don’t empower one people group by putting another group down.

Men we haven’t lived lives worth following. We haven’t been worthy of the respect we so badly want from those around us. We’ve been weak and at time pathetic. It’s time to man up and raise the bar.

This weekend I challenged a group of guys to grow as men. I challenged them to journey with me in a study of what a man is supposed to be. I challenged them to gather in groups of three to work together and challenged each other to grow as strong men who take responsibility for their actions. Men you aren’t going to do it alone. Find a band of brothers to sharpen you. Find the group who can hold you accountable. Push each other to be present for your family. Raise you sons to be strong men of faith willing to serve those around you. It’s time we as men take our God-given responsibility seriously and man up before there aren’t any men left to stand.

Power Of Habits – Supper For 2

December 9, 2020 / / 0 Comments

Yesterday we started talking about how small habits done over time can change things in a big way in our lives. We’re going to look at daily and weekly habits over an eight day time span here. These habits come from a book that I’m reading titled The Common Rule by Justin Earley.

The premise of the book is that our habits are the waters in which we swim. The more intentional we are about choosing our habits, the more we can direct the flow and pattern of our lives. The first habit we looked at was setting your Daily Frame. You can go here to read what was all about. Today we look at a habit that is best done on a daily basis.

Supper For Two

Some of the greatest rhythms in life happen when we’re with other people. And some of the most powerful moments of conversation and friendship develop over food. This habit is pretty simple. It’s the combination of people and a good meal.

Simply put find time to eat at least one meal a day with other people. From the lunch table at school or work to the supper table at home to the coffee shop or local pub we can always find a way to be with other people.

Practical Ideas

  • no phones at the table
  • If you’re at a bar and around other people you don’t know, don’t bury your head in your device so you can have the opportunity to talk with those around you.
  • Let one person share something going on in their life as you eat together.
  • Do highs and lows around the table.
  • Share your good, bad and funny stories of the day.
  • Read a devotion together.
  • Pray for one another.

The possibilities are pretty much endless. The point however is very simple. Life was meant to be shared in rhythm with other people. Let people into the daily parts of your life even if only once a week. This will establish the rhythm of community into your life.

Image of God

November 2, 2020 / / 0 Comments

This week I wanted to share this song with you. It’s a song about who we are and how we need to view one another. This song isn’t about which side of the aisle you sit, what color your skin is, what gender, nationality, or financial status. This song is really about everyone on this earth.

We’ve lost sight of something really important. We’re all made in the image of God. Whether you believe it or not, doesn’t really change the fact that we didn’t have life until God gave it to us. We often live this image well, but there are times when we falter and live out a broken image.

Today I ask you to pause and just look around. Look at how different we all are. But look at how similar we all are too. It’s easy to see the things that make us different. It’s easy to see the things that separate us and cause division. It takes work to focus on the things that unite us. We all need air to breathe and food to survive. We all walk by putting one foot in front of the other. We all need sleep to stay healthy and exercise to stay fit.

We don’t all eat the same things or sleep at the same times or workout the same way. But just because we do things differently doesn’t mean we’re any less made in the image of God. Take time today and look around you and value the image of God that is present in everyone around you – yep even those people who are way different than you!

Respect Goes Both Ways

October 20, 2020 / / 0 Comments

What a crazy world this has turned out to be! Nothing is as it seems. It’s for sure not how it used to be. From the pandemic to the swelling political climate and from the racial divide to the quest for normalcy we’re in a time when everyone is on high alert. And hardly anyone has the tolerance for anything other than their own opinion.

I don’t like to post things on social media. As a matter of fact I don’t do a whole lot on my social feeds at all anymore. The daily Bible verse, a few blog post pushes to my feeds, and the occasional picture of a fire in the fire pit is all you get from my social networks these days. And yes that’s intentional.

Just because we have something to say doesn’t mean it always has to be said. But what’s more is that when someone says something that’s different than your way of approaching life, it does not make them the enemy.

Respect goes both ways. Share on X

We’ve grown weary of the demands on our time throughout this unpredictable year. Introverts are handling the isolation better than extroverts, but they’re having their own set of issues. Just when we think that we’re handling one problem fairly well another one smacks us in the face out of nowhere.

The message below is an excerpt from Sunday’s service. We talked about honor and respect. We looked at what it means to value those with differences of opinion.

Take a few minutes. Put your emotions to the side. Listen to what it means to love your neighbor through a challenging time.

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