Tag: family (Page 1 of 3)

When Ministry and Family Collide in the Best Way

February 20, 2026 / / 1 Comment

A little over a year ago, I hired a young woman to join our church family and help lead our kids and students in the way of Jesus. At the time, it was about calling, gifts, and mission. We were excited about what God might do through her leadership with our families.

What I didn’t know was that God was quietly writing another story at the same time.

Over the months, she and my son started spending time around the same ministry spaces. Financial Peace University. Spiritual First Aid. Church events. Conversations after things wrapped up. The kind of ordinary moments where you slowly start to realize someone matters to you more than you expected.

They encouraged each other. They laughed together. They shared life in the natural rhythm of church and ministry.

And eventually… they started to like each other.

In fact, there was a moment when they sat down with me and said something along the lines of, “We don’t think we should like each other… but we can’t seem to help it.”

As a pastor and a dad, that’s a unique conversation. It’s one that seminary can never prepare you to have!

But sometimes the best things in life are the ones God gently grows when nobody is trying to force anything.

What started as friendship slowly turned into something deeper. And last night, it became something official.

My son asked her to marry him.

He took her back to the place where they had their first date. The whole evening involved a bit of strategy on his part. The rest of us were part of the distraction so she wouldn’t suspect what was coming. Watching it all unfold was one of those moments you wish you could slow down and hold onto for a while.

And when the moment finally came… she said yes.

As a dad, there are moments that fill you with a quiet kind of pride. Not pride in accomplishments or achievements, but pride in the kind of people your kids are becoming.

Watching my son step forward with courage and commitment meant a lot to me.

And watching the woman he chose, the same woman who has been faithfully investing in our church’s kids and families, made it even more meaningful.

Sometimes God writes stories that none of us could have planned.

A year ago, I was welcoming a staff member into our church family.

Last night, we celebrated welcoming her into our actual family.

Life has a funny way of doing that.

To both of you: we are proud of you, we love you, and we can’t wait to see the life God builds through your marriage.

Congratulations Matthew and Molly! The best chapters are still ahead.

3 Life Lessons I Learned on Vacation

August 19, 2025 / / 1 Comment

Vacations are supposed to be about rest and fun, but they have a funny way of teaching you life lessons, too. On my recent getaway, God reminded me of a few things, some lighthearted and some challenging, that I think are worth sharing.

1. There’s always someone less fit than you, so stop hiding from the sun.
It’s easy to get self-conscious at the pool or the beach. But here’s the truth: there’s always going to be someone in worse shape than you and someone in better shape than you. The key? Don’t let insecurity steal your joy. Be grateful for the body God’s given you, flaws and all. Try to just enjoy the moment. Psalm 139:14 reminds us, “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” That truth doesn’t take a vacation.

2. Be content, but never complacent.
I noticed something while on vacation: there are always people who can do more than you…and people who can do less. That’s life. Instead of comparing yourself, focus on growing. Be content with where God has you, but also push yourself to be stronger, wiser, and more faithful than you were yesterday. Philippians 4:11 says, “I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content,” but contentment doesn’t mean laziness. It means gratitude in motion.

3. Memories last longer than money.
This one is hard for me. I tend to want to be wise and careful with money (and we should be by the way), but God reminded me that while money comes and goes, memories are what we carry to the grave. The laughter over a shared meal, the sunset you watched with someone you love, the silly inside jokes – those are treasures no bank account can hold. Jesus even said in Matthew 6:20, “Lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven.” Sometimes those treasures are the moments we make with the people we love.

Vacations end, the tan fades, the suitcase gets unpacked…but the lessons stick with you. And maybe, just maybe, the best souvenirs aren’t things you buy. They’re truths you carry home in your heart.

Parenting By Proxy

June 26, 2023 / / 0 Comments

How much time do we spend with our kiddos a day? How much time do you intentionally set aside to be home with them through a week? How about a year? What about through their growing up years? Who gets the most amount of time with our children in their day to day lives?

I would venture to say that if we’re being honest with ourselves many of us would answer that we don’t spend enough time with them and that someone else spends more time with them. Whether that’s a babysitter, teacher, school system, church – who knows pretty much anyone.

Now who’s responsible for making sure our children are raised properly? You know to be people of humility, integrity, faith, respect, kindness, generous, and all those cool attributes. I sure hope that you said that you as the parent are responsible for making sure that your child is raised properly!

Unfortunately there are far too many parents in the world today who are parenting by proxy. They’re letting someone else raise their kids. From assuming the schools are teaching everything they need to know to just letting the church teach them about faith matters to letting screens occupy them while we’re busy doing other things to letting the coach teach them about obedience – we have a tendency to pawn our parenting responsibilities off on someone else.

Now before those of you in two working household families get all bent here, I’m not saying that you have to homeschool your children. Not against it by any means but definitely not for everyone. I’m not saying you can’t have a job outside the home or both of you work. As a matter of fact there is something powerful that a child learns when they see mom and dad working and still engaged in their lives.

But I am saying that parenting is your responsibility not someone else’s! Here’s a quick example of what I’m trying to convey. I recently had a conversation with a group of people from a church. We were talking about the role of the pastor in the lives of the children in the church family. I want to be very clear. I am not a proxy parent for anyone’s kiddos. I’ve done enough damage as a less than perfect parent to my own three children. This church was saying that they want their pastor to be the one who is the primary teacher of faith to the children in the church.

Well, I don’t parent by proxy and I don’t think the pastor should be the faith builder in a child’s life. We’re to teach them but we’re not the one’s who are primarily responsible for the faith development of children. I also don’t think it’s the pastor’s job to do the whole catechism teaching bit for the youth of the church. I think if the pastor does his job rightly, then the parents will be the primary teachers of this to their children. Pastor should most certainly be involved and active and encouraging but the parent should be the primary discipler of the children.

This analogy is true for other areas like math and science and grammar and economics and you name it! The parent cannot shove the kids to someone or something else to teach them. That’s not parenting. All of these other things are assets and tools in the raising of children but they cannot replace what it means to be a loving and true parent.

Look teachers can only teach so much. Pastors can only reach so far. Coaches can be great role models but are limited. You are the parent. You can’t parent your kiddos if you’re never home. You can’t teach them the faith if you don’t open your mouth and teach them. No one is responsible for the development of your children but you. It’s time our culture stopped trying to parent by proxy.

Margin

April 27, 2023 / / 0 Comments

If you’re a reader, then you know what margin is. It’s the space we see around the edges of a book or paper. It’s the white space that lets our eyes rest so we don’t have to read from edge to edge on a piece of paper. Margin in a book is extremely helpful, and is equally necessary in our day to day lives.

I’m currently sitting at my computer trying to focus through some mental fog. Mental fog happens when we’re pushing into the margins or when we’re recovering from illness or suffering from exhaustion. For me, it’s the second on the list. Mental fog induced by illness and medication. It’s the whole medicine head feeling and I can’t stand it! But what does this have to do with margin?

Well sometimes we find ourselves living in the margins of life and something has to happen to get us to slow down and leave some white space. This is pretty much what happened to me. I have a tendency to live life at a 100mph pace. It’s constantly a go…go…go…scenario. From church to family to home to property matters to membership issues to community engagement to social life there are so many things that pull for our attention and it’s easy to find ourselves living in the margins of life.

So the question is do you have breathing room in your life? Have you created and protected space in your life for margin? Or have you scheduled your life so tightly and so completely that you have no room to add anything additional?

Living life without margin is dangerous. It’s dangerous because we weren’t created to live without it. We were created for a healthy give and take between work and rest. We were created to rest from our work and work from our rest. But when we fill the white space in our lives, leaving no room for rest, then we’re not able to recover and get back to the stuff of productivity.

There are plenty of ways to preserve margin in life. You just have to make it a priority. Margin can look like 15 extra minutes between appointments. Adding 10 minutes to your estimated drive time so you don’t have to rush. Scheduling a block of time for recovery or study time or a nap.

Now I know what some of you are thinking. You don’t nap. And well I really don’t either but some people find a nap superbly rejuvenating. There are actually studies that show a 26 minute nap can essentially reset your day and start your productivity clock over again. That means if you can carve our 26 minutes to completely disconnect and shutdown to nap, you can haver two day’s worth of productivity in one day!

You see when we don’t preserve our margin, something will happen to force that reset. For me it generally comes with migraines of in the latest case a dose of illness to knock me off my feet for about 10 days. It sucks to say the least.

So take it from me, you can save a lot of downtime and exhaustion by just carving out some margin and preserving it like your life depended on it…because it kind of does!

Trip Down Memory Lane

March 29, 2023 / / 0 Comments

I recently had the chance to take a trip down memory lane. You know one of those moments when you’re surrounded by people you knew in a former life and all the feels came flooding back. After getting home from a funeral in my home town, I started thinking about all the people that have impacted my life through the years. And be careful because the older you get, the more people are on that list.

As I looked around the room that day, I saw face after face of people I knew. Some of them I haven’t seen in more than 20 years! It was crazy to see that many people from my past all in one place. It was saddening to see that so many of them had become sheer memories until we walked into that funeral home.

The really sad part was that so often these trips down memory lane happen at life altering moments. Sometimes they’re at weddings and reunions but often we see these people and trigger these memories as we walk past the family at a funeral. And that was the case for me.

I was leading a funeral service for the mother of a friend. He and I connect periodically. But the crowd that came into the funeral that day to pay their respects were the ones I hadn’t seen in far too long. In an age of social media and all the communication devices that we have at our disposal, there’s really no reason to not stay connected.

It’s as if we’ve grown comfortable with being isolated from one another. It’s as if we’ve grown somehow ok with distant relationships and virtual connections. There’s nothing ok about virtual relationships! Call me old fashioned or whatever you want for that matter, but relationships are best celebrated in person!

I can’t tell you how to do life. I don’t have that right to be honest. But I can tell you that even if you’re an introvert you still need people. Doing life in a bubble of isolation is not good. Removing yourself from the people who mean something to you is unhealthy and will eventually leave you stranded on an island of loneliness.

Don’t wait for a funeral to reconnect with friends from your distant past. Reach out. Grab a coffee. Sit down over a glass of bourbon. Go for a walk. Have a barbecue. Host a game night. Gather as friends. This life is far too short to try to go it alone. Open up and let people in. You won’t regret it especially when you’re wading through the mess of life, broken and lonely.

Take your own trip down memory lane! It will do you some good.

What are we to do?

March 24, 2023 / / 0 Comments

Yesterday we dealt with the uncomfortable question of what’s going on in the world. The trouble we face in the world is not a change in God’s plan rather it’s stuff that happens while God is doing his main work. That work is the work of building his church.

Today we’re going to get to the issue of what then is the church supposed to be doing during these crazy and, for many, challenging times. The short answer is doing what Jesus would do. But what does that look like?

The Bible clearly states that the church, assembly of God’s people, is known as the body of Christ. So if we, when we function together, are actually the body of Christ, then shouldn’t we be functioning like the body of Christ?

What this does not mean…

Let’s set the stage here a little. Functioning as the body of Christ does not mean that we all have to look and act the same. We don’t have to have the same vocabulary and posture either. We do, however, have to possess the same focus and intent. We must be about the same purpose as Jesus.

We do not have to do it the same way in every context. This might be hard for some to hear, but different cultures have different values and ways of expressing themselves. When we function as the body of Christ, we must take into account the cultural makeup of the group we’re reaching. Neither Jesus nor his disciples made the people all adhere to the same rituals and customs. The matter of circumcision is one that comes to mind here. They didn’t force the people of other cultures go through the rite of circumcision in order for them to be saved.

What then should we do?

Look at what Jesus actually did. He got to know the people around him. Before throwing forgiveness bombs into the crowd, he often healed and fed them and provided for their felt needs. What would happen if the church became known for the types of things Jesus was known for in the community in his day?

We spend a lot of time as churchy people acting anything but like Jesus. We become so adamant on the who, what, where, when and how of the things we do that we often neglect the why. Instead of asking who are the people in our churches, we should be asking who are the people not in our churches?

Take an honest look at your community. Do a quick needs assessment. What are the needs that are present in your community? Where are people hurting? Where are they struggling? What are the things they’re trying to accomplish that they just can’t seem to get done?

Then match that up with your passions, skills, resources and people. Where these overlap, you’ll see how you have been uniquely placed in your region as the church Jesus is building.

There is a bit of an art to this process and can be overwhelming at times because it’s not our natural way to look at life. If you’re struggling with this process and would like some help with focusing your efforts, reach out. I’m part of a team that has this process nailed down pretty tight. We’d love to help you to focus your efforts to do the work of the church that Jesus is building in your midst.

What Do I Do With My Child?

December 13, 2022 / / 0 Comments

So I think as parents we’ve all been there. Our child says or does something and we don’t know how to respond. They say whatever comes to their mind whenever they feel like it. They can’t sit still and are disruptive when we’re in groups of people. There’s a feeling of embarrassment when they just can’t seem to get it together. We wonder things like why won’t my child just sit still?

Well let’s look at the last line there to get started. Why won’t my child just sit still? You want to know the answer? Because they are a child! I know that sounds less than caring and possibly that I’m making fun but I’m not because I’ve been there too. But they are children and they have no idea how to sit still. We haven’t taught them that yet.

And for that massively disrupting behavior you fear your children are making, yeah it’s really not as disrupting as you likely believe. As a matter of fact, most of the distracting noise you hear isn’t really noticed by many others around you in large group settings.

Now I’m a pastor of a church, you know the place where people come and everyone sits as quietly as they can for a duration of time while the pastor talks. Yeah not the most conducive atmosphere for a child, especially your child who can’t sit still – right?! Actually wrong. Really you couldn’t be more wrong on that one. Church is the best place for you to take you child if you feel he is unruly or that she won’t sit quiet or he won’t listen or she can’t stop fidgeting.

Sure there are some of those people who are a bit on the judgmental side who take issue with any noise other than the noise they make. But by and large those gathered as the church have mostly been right where you are. They’ve had the nerves going crazy and the red face moments when their child made too much noise. Give yourself and your child some grace. Church is the place where you are surrounded by parents of all ages who can lend a helping hand if you need it.

Ok so enough commentary. Let’s get to a few tips and tricks learned by hard experience.

Set Expectations

I know that sounds a bit odd especially if you’re talking about a pretty young child or infant but setting expectations is really important. Set your own expectations and theirs! Set the expectation for yourself that you child is a child and will make some noise and that’s ok. For your child, set the expectation of what the situation you’re going into means. To use the church example from earlier, let them know that we’re going to sit and listen when we go in. We’re going to use our inside voice, and use yours when you tell them that.

Sit Close

I know this one runs completely contrary to how we normally think and act but if you sit closer to the front they can see what’s going on. And kids are curious little creatures. If they can’t see, then they’ll likely let you know by making too much noise. Sit in the front third of the room and when you sit down explain what you’re seeing.

Explain Things

Now’s the time to play a little game of I spy with your child. Tell them the colors you see and what might be different than the last time you were there. Point out people you know. What do the symbols mean? Why are they there? What’s about to happen? Who are some of the people around you? Something kind of key here is to introduce them to other people, which means you might have to arrive a little earlier so make sure you plan accordingly.

Keep Them Involved

Even from a young age involve your child in what’s goin on. Things like we’re going to sing a song now to let’s fold our hands to pray are great ways to let them be a part of the worship experience. I remember as a child my parents helping me follow along with the songs as we sang them out of the hymnal. These are all ways to help your child stay connected to the service and be more engaged.

Praise Them For Getting It Right

When the service is over and you are headed to your car, make sure to tell them how great they did. There is even a place for rewarding good behavior after successful trips out like this. Nothing huge or over the top but a stop at the local ice cream shop after 4 straight weeks or watching a new movie with the family or a new coloring book are some options. Pretty much anything that will let your child know that this is the right behavior and it is appreciated.

Grab And Go But Don’t Play

Ok so there will come a time when you have to practice what I call the grab and go technique. This is when the child becomes inconsolable or has a loud outburst that you just can’t get under control quickly. In this case you have to simply grab them and go out. The grab and go is important but what you do when you go out is equally important. It’s the tendency of many parents to go out and let them just play with toys or run around to get the wiggles out, but this sets a bad precedent actually. Your child is smarter than you realize and if when they don’t behave the way you expect they get to go out and play are you sending the right message? They’ll quickly learn that all I have to do to get out of this place is to act like a little terror and I get to go play! When you take them out, stand by the windows that let them see what’s going on. Keep the same expectations of quiet and calm as you did when they were sitting inside. Then when they calm down and the atmosphere allows it, bring them right back in.

I get it. None of this is easy. You’re going to have to work at it pretty hard. But it’s not impossible by any means. Parents across time and space have been doing this and fighting the same battle you’re fighting right now. Stick with it. If you need a hand, ask for some help from those around you who’ve been through this stage of parenting. You’ll be surprised at how much collective wisdom is out there!

What’s Your Story?

September 9, 2022 / / 0 Comments

There’s nothing like a good story! If you get the right story, it can suck you in and almost pull you through it. All good stories have a few things in common. They have relatable characters, a good plot, generally there’s some good tension that needs to be worked out, and in most cases good stories have some form of a happy ending or at least a good resolution.

So what’s your favorite story? Why is it your favorite? Do these common ideas for good stories apply to your favorite story?

As I see it there’s a pretty straightforward way defining a story. Here’s my definition: a story is the life or adventure of a character who wants something and is willing to overcome challenge(s) to get it.

I think our lives are a lot like story as well. So often we get bored with our lives. We get bored with our relationships or with our jobs or with our hobbies. Why? I think it’s because we have lost the art of story in our day to day lives. We’ve stopped seeing the plot of our lives develop and our character progress through the narrative of life.

Think about your life as a story for a minute. You are the main character. There are protagonists (those are the good guys) and there are antagonists (those are the bad ones). Some of the bad guys are really bad and some of the good guys are, well nominally good at best and eventually prove to be not in your corner the way you thought.

Our lives have some form of adventure as well, even if it’s not climbing mountains or repelling off of buildings or saving the world. We can have adventure in driving to work or walking the dog or making dinner. There is adventure in just about every aspect of our lives if we just open our eyes to see it.

Our life has a plot as well. Although admittedly this one is an area of our lives that we don’t focus on nearly enough. What’s the plot of your life story? Do you even know what you’re about or why you’re here? This is your plot. The why behind the what of your day to day life. Without a plot we grow tired and wear out quickly. We burn out. We give up. We walk away. Not knowing our plot or having the wrong plot, i.e. life story, is what causes us to drift and lose focus on important relationships or even lose our jobs. The lack of plot, in my mind, is a huge factor in much of the depression we see in our world and honestly a significant factor in divorces, college drop outs and the inability to hold a steady carrier.

Think about marriage for a second. Marriage has a plot. But for many couples with children, those kiddos are the plot of their life. This is why so many couples have trouble when they become empty nesters. The kids were the plot to their story, and with no children around they seemingly have no plot. So little marriage tip – your children are not the point of your marriage. A product of it to be certain but they are not the point of it. The sooner you figure that one out the healthier your marriage will actually be.

Our faith lives are the same way. If our lives as followers of Jesus are only about the Sunday morning church attendance gig, then we’re doing it wrong. Then we’re going to burn out on “doing church.” We’re going to wander to the next church around the corner when this one doesn’t give us what we want. And quick hint…that new church won’t cut it forever either. That is until you figure out your story. Faith is about far more than going to church or giving an offering or singing a song or which book we use in worship. Faith is about story. It’s about your story and God’s story colliding in a fantastic adventure.

A life of faith is the adventure of a character who’s willing to overcome adversity to achieve something. This was what drove Jesus to do what he did for us. This is what took him to the cross and out of the grave. It was the story of salvation. Our story isn’t one of salvation. It’s the story of discipleship. This is what Jesus told us to do and what we’re supposed to be about daily.

Living a life of faith is about growing in our love for Jesus. It’s realizing every day just how loved we are by the one who created all things. It’s the story of loving one another and serving one another and being with one another. It’s about letting the image of Christ come to light in all we do.

So I guess now is the best time to start living that story!

Time to Fight!

August 22, 2022 / / 0 Comments

In my previous post, I referred to a book that basically addressed the three things every man needs in his life. We called those a battle to fight, an adventure to conquer and a beauty to pursue. These ideas come from the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. If you have a guy in your life, whether husband – boyfriend – child or dad, I do recommend this book. If you’re raising daughters, I still recommend this book so they know what a man looks like in a world filled with boys.

The first thing a man needs in his life is a battle to fight. I know that sounds a tad morbid and maybe a little pushing the envelop too much but I definitely agree with this in my own life! Just look at how we live or lives as men. We love to fight. Not fist fight or beat someone up or shoot someone. I don’t mean we’re all evil villains or anything like that. But something happens in a man when a fight presents itself.

Again, before we get too far into this, remember this is not a gender bashing seminar. I’m not talking men over women or anything like that. This is just a way to look at the men in your life and understand a little about what makes us tick. There’s a companion to this book which I’ll be reading next and I’ll give a similar summary for women. This is not saying that women can’t fight or don’t have a fight instinct. I know plenty of women that seem to enjoy a good fight from time to time. But the inner workings of a man need a fight.

So it’s time for war then right?

Not so fast. That’s not exactly what we’re talking about with fight. The idea of a battle to fight is embedded in most every video game boys gravitate toward. It’s written on the hearts of the boys who all they want to do is join the military and defend (read fight for) their country. It’s written in the instincts of married men to defend and fight for their families.

There are some outliers here but at the heart of every man who desires to be a man is the need to fight for what is in their life. Fight for their wives and children. It’s why if someone breaks into our home in the middle of the night, we jump to see what’s going on instead of throw our wives out in front of us. It’s the fight instinct that is built into men.

I believe that’s part of how God designed us and if we’re not living up to this instinct and fighting for our families, then we’ve abandoned God’s design for our lives. Essentially we’re not really men anymore.

This fight instinct is what drives most men to work harder. It’s what makes them want to beat the car beside them off the line at a red light as if they were in a drag race. It’s what makes their heart race and blood pressure swell when they see someone in danger.

There’s one drawback however. Most of the time the man inside is a bit of a pansy. And by that I mean most of the time men pick the easier battle to fight and run from the one that takes more time and effort and energy. This is why some guys fall for porn or extra-marital affairs. It’s because they don’t have the guts to fight hard enough. Being married isn’t easy. Not sure who ever convinced you it would be, but it isn’t. Two different lives are blended as one. That doesn’t sound easy to me at all! But it’s not just marriage. It’s virtually everywhere in life. Doing what’s right is generally the harder task. Dieting isn’t easy. Eating healthy isn’t easy. Exercise isn’t easy. Creating a healthy mental routine isn’t easy. But it’s all necessary!

So what then?

Whether you’re a guy or you have one in your life who you call husband or son, there are some things you might want to consider.

  1. Don’t try to tame the wild heart. All too often we tell our sons to be more gentle or to calm down or don’t get so worked up. Sorry but no. That’s just not going to cut it. Men need to be able to be wild at heart as the book title demonstrates. We need to be able to swell up and fight when the time is right. Don’t make tame what God created wild.
  2. Learn to redirect. The issue with most boys is that they don’t know how to direct their excitement or passion. Their instinct to fight hasn’t been honed yet so most boys don’t know how to fight appropriately given the circumstances. Teach your sons not to calm down but how and when to be excited. Show them what it means to be controlled even in the throws of a battle. Teach them what it means to fight for what is worth fighting for and not fall for the lies that will end up leaving you empty when pursued.
  3. Be present. We’ll get to this one later but the best thing for a boy becoming a man is to have a dad who’s present fighting for them and their mom. Boys learn from their dads by what they say and what they do. So dads set the right example. It’s far too easy to run to our work, hobbies, other interests. When you’re home, then be home. Don’t take your parental task lightly.

So it’s time to fight and I mean really fight for the things and people in our lives we care about. If it’s hard, don’t back down. If things get challenging and we think it should be easier, don’t take the easy way out and run. Don’t give up just because you’re having a hard day, month, year or even decade. Be a man and fight. Do the hard work. Put in the hard time. Fight because that’s what you were made for! Anything else is giving in to the wimp that Satan wants you to be.

Boys and Guns

August 16, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I still remember the day we sent my sons to stay with my in-laws over night. I wasn’t nervous about them going or worried I was going to miss them too much. I mean my in-laws did a pretty good job raising their three daughters. They would be just fine. But that’s what got me. Three daughters. My boys are not daughters. They are boys. And they were just at the age where they were really intrigued with playing with toys.

Whether it was racing toy cars around or building with blocks, they loved to make things work. It was just who they were. But they were going to a home that had only seen girls. All girls meant all girl toys. Now don’t get your panties in a bunch or anything. I wasn’t afraid if they played with a doll or something they’d somehow change identities. I just was a little concerned that they didn’t have anything to play with is all. But was I ever surprise…

Boys have something that is born into their DNA. As author John Eldredge explains in his book Wild At Heart, males have three things they need. They need a battle to fight, an adventure to conquer and a beauty to pursue. No one has to teach a male child any of these things. They just kind of happen.

Battle to Fight

Ever wonder who came up with the ideas of hockey, football, even golf? They were dudes. They were men who needed to fight something, even if it was a tiny white ball in the middle of the grass. Getting out there and smacking a ball into oblivion somehow spoke to the battle sense of a man. You don’t have to teach a male child how to fight for what’s right. And you really shouldn’t try to teach them out of that fight instinct either!

The idea of having a battle to fight and having men willing to jump into that role has kept us in a safe place in the greatest country the world has ever seen. Men needing a battle to fight is what took one of my sons into service in the US Army. Needing a battle to fight is what saved that weekend at grandmas too.

You see when we picked them up, I was amazed at what I saw. Both of my boys were playing with Barbie dolls. But not exactly how one normally plays with dolls! They had them contorted in some way to make them look like guns. They, without any provocation or enticement from anyone, took the dolls and folded their arms as a handle. Then made the noises of guns. We didn’t have guns in the house at the time. We didn’t watch war movies or really much of anything but Veggie Tales in front of them. So where did they get it? A need for a battle to fight. It was born into them.

Adventure to Conquer

Eldredge says that men need more than just a good fight. They also need to find adventure in life. We’ll pick these apart a tad more in the next couple of weeks, but the gist is that men like to find new territory. Climb to new heights. Make things into an adventure. Just look at how boys play. They build forts. Have wars to fight. Even the video games that most guys grab are all about adventure and battle.

Beauty to Pursue

Ladies this one is for you. Men have an innate desire to fight for, protect and provide for the woman in their lives. Now as a guy, I can admit we don’t always do it correctly. But the idea is there. We want to provide for the family. We will do anything to protect our wife. We wouldn’t trade that for the world, well most of the time. Again, we’ll hit on how this goes awry in a future post.

There are some key things that make men who and what they are. These three ideas are some of the basic elements of what it mens to be a man. Please don’t read this as all men are like this, because there are some outliers. Also don’t read that no women have these same desires or abilities. The purpose here is to see how a man’s mind is wired. It’s a fundamental part of how we were built.

And, as a follower of Jesus, I think this is very much part of how God designed us to live in his image. But we can hit that topic another time. For now cherish the “man’ness” of that guy in your life. Don’t try to stifle what appears to be a violent streak when he talks about war or gathers his arsenal for the zombi apocalypse. Don’t get worried when he looks for adventure around every turn. And remember that his goal is to pursue the beauty in his life. Sometimes that doesn’t look how you might want it to but if he’s logging extra hours and making sure there’s cash in the bank to have that great vacation you’re wanting…yep that’s likely part of this pursuit.

All in all, men don’t need to be taught how to be men as long as there’s a strong male influence in their lives. So dads don’t slack on this one. It’s time to log off the computer for a bit, come in from the shop, set aside some real time to be with your family. Whether you’re a dad of boys or girls, they need to see what a real man is like around the house.

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