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Things Aren’t Always As They Seem

April 11, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Growing up in the church world I was taught about good and bad, God and Satan, heaven and hell. We even had some of those not so greatly illustrated kids books about these topics. One image that always stuck out at me was the one of the devil, Satan. I don’t know about you but growing up I always thought of the devil as being red with horns and a pitchfork. I remember thinking why would anyone want to follow after something that told you it was going to hurt you? Why would anyone want that?

But over time I dug into the Bible for myself and started to realize that the kid’s version of these images wasn’t exactly correct. You see if they were, then very few people who really follow something like that. As a matter of fact, I started to realize that the devil’s goal might not be what I always thought it was either.

If you’re anything like me, you probably have had this notion that Satan wants us to worship him. Like he’s building a fan club or something. But what if that wasn’t his goal? What if his goal was much simpler than that? What if he didn’t care about our allegiance to him at all? What if I told you that we all have a little Satan worship in us?

Now for those of you died in the wool, church going types, you’re likely shaking your head thinking I’m off my rocker. And while I might be a little nutty, if you stick with me for a few minutes I’ll explain my thought process here. You see I don’t really think Satan cares who we follow or to whom we pledge our allegiance as long as it’s not Jesus. In other words, Satan is just trying to distract us from the only way to salvation. He hates all things Jesus so much that he’ll be glad if we follow anyone, anything as long as it’s not Jesus.

Still not convinced? Ok so think about the last time you sat down to read your bible or do a little quiet time in prayer. What happened? Did you get distracted? Did you think about the plans for the day? Or maybe where you want to go on vacation this summer? What about that noise you don’t remember hearing before that you just can’t seem to ignore? What about that funny feeling in your stomach? Are you hungry? Why are you so tired?

Am I onto something here? We sit down to do anything that draws our heart closer to Jesus and all hell breaks loose in our minds. We can’t stay focus for anything. And that’s just what Satan wants. He’s no idiot. Actually, he’s pretty darn smart. He knows that Jesus is the only way. He knows there’s no plan B when it comes to salvation. So all he has to do is to get us to look the other way. Anything else is fine as long as it’s not Jesus.

The goal then is to make us sit idly by and do nothing. He wants us to just let the world spin around us and keep us so focused on the pace of life, the hurry in our schedules, our wants, our desires, our passions, our…anything. As long as we’re not focused on Jesus. As long as we’re just sitting in neutral in life, Satan wins. Neutral is no good. Neutral means we’re not committed. Neutral makes us just as easily moved away from Jesus as toward him. The Bible even tells us to be hot for him or cold against him but none of this lukewarm, neutral, stuff. Neutral gets us in a really bad way in Christian life.

So the long and short is to make a decision right here, right now. Whom will you follow? Will it be Jesus? Or will it be anything else? There’s only one way and his name is Jesus. Nothing else will work. Nothing else will do. Nothing else will even come close.

I love the verse from Joshua 24 that says choose this day whom you will serve. How about it? Whom are you going to serve? God chose you in Jesus before the foundations of the world. Today he asks you to follow his lead and choose him.

It’s Time To Let Go

April 8, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Have you ever done one of those challenges where you held a glass of water (or other beverage) out in front of you to see how long you could hold it up? The challenge is actually kind of interesting. The glass is light so you’d think it wouldn’t be a problem. The glass, even when full, weighs hardly anything in the grand scheme of things you carry daily. So this can’t be hard right?

Well as you start out, it’s easy. The glass is just there. Then the task of holding it becomes a little annoying. How long can I actually do this? And eventually the shoulder starts to tremble and the water inside shakes a little. Then finally you just have to put the glass down because your arm can’t handle it anymore.

But why? Why did the glass get so heavy? You didn’t change its mass or weight. You didn’t hang anything extra off of your arm. It’s just there. A light weight glass with 8 ounces of water and somehow after a series of minutes, the glass got heavier and heavier even though it didn’t change at all.

I think we face our problems in life the same way. We hold them for far too long. I’m a pretty big advocate for making a decision and moving forward with it. I’m a big proponent of just ripping off the bandaid and dealing with things. But some people hold their decisions for far too long. When we have a decision to make and hold off on making it, bad things happen. We become someone we never wanted to be. We get feisty and anger easily. We soon realize the weight of the decision is becoming too heavy for us to carry, so we throw it at the people closest to us. It’s like the glass of water analogy. Even though the glass didn’t change size, shape, mass or weight it still became too heavy to hold.

The longer we hold our fears, anxieties, stresses, and even decisions the heavier they become. And eventually we’ll either drop them or hurt those around us when we throw things at them.

Look I know fears are real. I know anxiety is a true fact of life and many people have a hard time processing it. I know decisions have rippling effects far beyond what we might see in the moment. But holding them will only make things worse.

So find a friend. Seriously find a friend who will be there with you through the anxiety. Maybe someone can help you see the challenge from a different perspective. Maybe they can help you come up with some coping methods to get through the hard time you’re facing.

Imagine that same glass of water in your hand. This time when you’re holding it a friend comes up to put his hand underneath yours. All of a sudden the pressure of the glass no longer affects your arm. Immediately you have relief. The same is true with our stresses and fears and anxieties we hold onto in life. When we surround ourselves with people who are willing to challenge us and hold us accountable and help us when we struggle, we’ll realize we can carry the glass longer. We’ll even be able to set the glass down over time.

If you can’t set the glass down today, find a friend who you trust to help you hold the glass. I bet you’ll thank me for it.

It’s Not Your Time

April 6, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Life can seem so unfair can’t it? I mean your best friend has a boyfriend when you can’t seem to even land a date. Your neighbor drives a new car every year and you can’t even afford to put gas in yours. Your coworker gets the promotion you’ve been working so hard to achieve. It just seems like everyone else gets what you’re after and it’s just not fair. 

When we compare ourselves to everyone else, no anyone else, life just seems unfair. But sometimes it’s hard not to compare. People love to post their instagram lives for the world to see. And no one posts the bad stuff. I mean does she always dress like that? Are his muscles always that defined or is the lighting just right in that pic? Comparison is a terrible enemy that can lead us to a place of brokenness and despair. 

I want to introduce a different way of seeing things. It’s not easy and it’s something that I am working on myself. Instead of asking why can’t I have this thing or be like that person, ask what if it’s just not my time? What if my time is yet to come? 

The idea behind it’s not your time is that even though someone else gets the blessing or the good day that you have been praying for and working toward and expecting for years, your time is coming. Maybe it’s a job that you have applied for but didn’t get. Maybe it’s a significant other that you have been trying everything you can to find. And everyone around you seems to be married and you can’t even land a steady date. Maybe it’s having a little bit of extra cash to go out on the weekend with your friends and you can barely scrape two nickels together. Whatever it is maybe it’s not your time.

I know that doesn’t take away the sting of not having it. I know it doesn’t make today any easier but when you realize that it’s not about your timing or your plans, it does make moving forward a little easier. 

And lest anyone think I haven’t had my “it’s not your time” moments, please come talk to me sometime. I will gladly share with you the plethora of moments that things didn’t go the way I had planned and I wondered the same thing you’re asking right now. 

So does life seem unfair? Yeah it sure does! I know that some days are going to be far worse than others. But when we shift our focus to a realization that my time is still coming approach, things tend to look different. Here’s an exercise I do to keep me focused when life seems a tad unfair. Take a deep breath and look at your own life. Really look at it. Not looking at what you don’t have but what you do have. Make a list, even if only mentally, of the things you have in your life today that you didn’t 1, 3, or 5 years ago. They are examples of the it’s not my time principle in action. Three years ago it wasn’t your time to have those things but here you are enjoying them. 

Again, I’m fully aware it’s not going to make a husband magically appear to your non-dating doorstep or a million dollars appear in your empty bank account, but it will shift your mind from absence to abundance. It’s not your time, but imagine how great it will be when your time finally arrives! That will be a day to celebrate for sure! 

Just Be Real

April 1, 2022 / / 0 Comments

One thing that I absolutely cannot stand is people being fake. It shows a massive lack of integrity and I quite frankly don’t have space in my life for fake people. So why in the world do people pretend to be one thing in one group and then act totally different in another? What would it take for you to just be real, all the time?

In my nearly 46 years of life, I’ve met a lot of people. Some of those people have made an indelible mark, but not all for good reasons. There are some people who come across your life and just make a special handprint on your heart. You can’t really describe it. Something they say. Something they do. There’s just something about them. But what happens when those kinds of people turn out to be, well…fake?

There has been a trend in the past couple of years in many levels of relationships that has been startling. People have abandoned who they were for some new version of who they are today. People have given into some version of change that has shifted their entire being and made them less real.

Now some will say maybe this is who I was the whole time. But that’s rubbish. Which brings me to my first point. The person you really are is the person you gravitate toward internally, not the person you feel you have to be in order to be welcomed into a crowd. All too often we let the crowd determine who we are. We change who we are based on the company we keep. If you have to change to be accepted, then frankly those people aren’t worth your time.

This is where our second point comes in. Be very careful the company you keep. If the company you keep is bringing a significant shift in character or lifestyle, then you might want to give second thought to those so called friends. A real friend is one who is there for you even when you don’t act like them. If you have to change who you are and what you find acceptable to be welcomed into a specific group of people, then it’s pretty likely they don’t care about you at all. They just want something from you. Or they welcome you because of what you add to the group dynamic. When you have served your purpose, they’ll quickly set you aside.

Another aspect of this whole just be real idea is that many people are just weak. If you’re feeling the need to do something you never before would have done or that is questionable relative to your morals, then you’re probably a pretty weak person. Look I know this is going to hit some people the wrong way, and that’s ok. Sometimes you need someone to tell you the truth, even when you don’t like the message. But seriously get some guts.

Something we have tried to instill in our children is the realization that you don’t need to be liked by everyone. There will be people in your life who won’t like what you do or say just because it’s different. That’s ok. Just be you. Be true to who you are. Don’t shift your character because you want to be included, or you’ll end up with a compromised character and no friends in the end. Don’t be one person in public and another in private or you’ll soon not even know who you are anymore. And for crying out loud man up a bit, or woman up works too. Be confident in who you are. You’re not a spineless piece of clay that everyone can mold.

The long and short is that people change over time and that’s to be expected. But when the person you are becoming is the polar opposite of who you once were, then you’re likely headed down a road that will lead to loneliness, destruction, and embarrassment. So how about you just be real and save everyone, including yourself, the trouble.

When Silence Speaks

March 30, 2022 / / 0 Comments

There’s an old saying that reminds us silence is golden. Sometimes that is more true than you might realize. There are moments in life when keeping quiet is the best thing you can do. Silence isn’t about having nothing to say, it’s about knowing when to say something and when words will have little effect.

I’d like to challenge you all to take some silent time. Now I know that if you’re anything like me, the idea of sitting in absolute silence is unproductive and honestly terrifying. I just don’t do silence well at all. But it’s so important.

I’m currently reading a book on the power of silence. Ok so it’s not really on the power of silence but there’s a chapter devoted to silence and how essential it is. It’s not a churchy book or a book on spiritual exercises either. It’s actually a book on hostage negotiations of all things.

Some of you are probably rolling your eyes on the topic of the book but we’ll talk about that another time. The real reason I am reading this book is because it was referred by a friend when we were talking about the power of silence in sales and negotiations. You have no idea how powerful silence really is.

A former chapter in my life story was spent in the car sales world. And this is where I learned the ultimate power of silence. I won’t go into the psychology behind it or anything but silence was the difference between a car sale and a flop sale. The moments when you stay quiet, on the buying or sales side, are the moments when you win big in the car buying world.

But silence is more than just for car sales. As a matter of fact silence should be a part of all of our lives, but we’ve become so addicted to the inaudible noises in life that silence can’t even be heard or experienced. So what is the power of silence?

Think about when you were a child, or the last time someone treated you like they were a child by giving you the silent treatment. Why did the silent treatment work when you were a child? And why doesn’t it work when you’re an adult?

Silence works for children because they haven’t been trained on how to fill their minds with all sorts of noises that can distract them. This is also why it doesn’t work for you and me as adults. We’ve mastered the art of filling our lives with noise. But silence is so important.

Even though I wouldn’t want to go back and do it over again, some days I really wish the power of silence wasn’t so lost on me. I wish I could sit in a room with low lighting and empty my mind of all the distractions but it’s just not possible.

There’s a story in the bible where silence is the key player. Ok so stick with me for a second and this won’t stay super “churchy”. Throughout the Bible there’s sound. God even starts the whole creating process with the spoken word. No silent treatment there. But two times in biblical history was there a moment of silence from heaven. The first time was when Jesus was praying in the garden. He wanted to be with the Father. He wanted to have his voice heard but in that moment was silence. It was deafening. It was awful. It caused his heart to break to be sure. The second time wasn’t any better either. He was on the cross and the world was hurling insults and lies and hatred at him. He just wanted His father to be close. Instead…silence. Not a single solitary word. Silence was all he heard.

You see silence is powerful because silence is more than a noise heard or a word spoken. Silence is broken in the presence of a friend. The glance across the room from someone who cares has the power to shatter the terrifying grip of silence. Sometimes our friends and loved ones have the power to unlock our moments of silence without a singe audible word.

You see silence from audible noises is really important. And I would honestly encourage you to find moments when you can sit in still and silent spaces. But more importantly remember that you don’t always have to say something. As a matter of fact you can say far more through your presence than your words will ever be able to say. The long and short is simple. Enjoy the silence when it’s there. But know you have the power to rescue someone from silence without even saying a word.

So What Should I Pray For?

March 29, 2022 / / 0 Comments

A week or so ago, I wrote a post that said don’t just pray but instead just pray! And I know reading that line might be confusing if you don’t read it in context, so I’ll try to explain for those of you who didn’t read the post. The idea is simple actually. How often is prayer thrown in as a last resort? That’s the idea behind don’t just pray. It’s like we can’t figure it out on our own so we may as well pray because it won’t hurt anything.

That is totally different than knowing that all you can do is pray and starting out that way from the beginning. That’s what I refer to as instead just pray. It means, start from the position that God is the only way not the last resort. Start form the place of reliance on Him instead of DIY-ing it through life.

If just throwing prayer in as a last resort isn’t the best way to handle things, then what things should I pray for? The short answer is everything! The Bible says to pray without ceasing. Pray through the good times and the bad. Pray in moments of plenty and times of want. Pray with you’re feeling lost and alone, but also when you’re experiencing what being loved and cared for feels like. If you read no more than these couple words, know that it is clear prayer is a vital part of the Christian life and we should do it far more often and far more intentionally than we currently do!

But for those of you who want to go a little deeper and get a little more depth into prayer, let’s keep going. Sure we are to pray for everything but really what kinds of things? And how in the world do you do it? These are questions that I hear a lot! I know some people who pray for hours every morning in the dark corner of their kitchen or living room before anyone gets up. This was how my grandpa did things. But I also know some people who are pretty darn ADHD with their prayer life, hello that’s me! We have a hard time just staying focused on prayer while we’re reading one let alone pray for hours in a dark room.

Pray the little things.

One of the things in life that makes me chuckle but also shake my head is when people talk about prayer as if God doesn’t really care about the little things. I know a guy who prays before he leaves his home that he gets a close parking space at the grocery. For a while I thought that was absolutely ridiculous. I mean really? Does God need to worry about where you park?

But then it hit me. I obviously had a wrong view of God. If I truly believed that God was a loving father, then why wouldn’t he want to know about my silly wants? I loved hearing my children tell me about their silly desires when the were kids. As a matter of fact now that they’re growing up, I find myself missing these conversations more and more. I want to know what they’re thinking and what’s going on in their day. I believe God has the same feeling toward us. He wants to know what’s going on. So tell him the little things. Share your frustration with your bad hair day, or your realization that you have no hair kind of day. Share your happiness of the new personal record in weight lifting or speed in running.

God cares about the little things. Share those. He knows them already but just like a good dad wants to hear what’s going in their children’s lives, so also your Heavenly Father wants to hear from you too!

Don’t forget the BIG things.

The other end of the spectrum is that person who doesn’t feel they can ask God for the big thing in life because they’re not good enough or haven’t earned the right to ask God for something of that magnitude. But God wants us to bring the big, huge, gigantic requests before him as well!

I am not going to say that God gets bored freeing up front row parking spaces but come on he’s the creator of the universe. We can probably give him a little more than give me a better hair day tomorrow! Test God with your prayers a little. Ok before you get all weirded out by that statement, it’s not testing to see if he’s real. It’s taking what he’s given you and promised to you and testing his promises. God won’t disappoint. He will, as it says in Malachi 3, open the floodgates of blessing. While that passage refers specifically to bringing our offerings to God, I really think it applies here to our prayers as well. Test God in his promises.

I had a professor once say that prayer is rubbing God’s promises back in his ears. Not that God needs reminding but that we need to be reminded of God’s faithfulness. We need to be reminded of the ways God has already answered us in the past and how he’s still present with us today.

So here’s a question for you to ponder. What are you praying that you actually need God to answer? Understand what I’m asking. What are you praying for that God alone can answer? Are you praying prayers small enough that if you wait long enough, drive around the parking lot enough times, you can find the answer? Or is the prayer of your heart today something that God alone is able to answer?

I think so often we either don’t pray big prayers because we don’t think we can or because we don’t even think that big. But God is a big God. He created all of the world and everything in it, I’m sure he can handle whatever our tiny little brains can dream up. Pray the earth melting, kingdom exploding kind of prayers. Pray for healing when the doctors say it’s not possible. Pray for some miraculous explosion of God’s goodness and mercy to be rained down on you today. Pray something so big that you can’t mistake it is actually God answering when it actually happens.

Ok so there you have it, pray for the bad hair days and the give my bald head new hair moments. Pray for the rain to water the ground and for God to raise up a power house of light and grace in your community. Pray the little things that no one else cares about, but also pray those things that God alone is able to pull off.

In short – pray because it’s more the one to whom you pray than the thing for which you pray.

We See You

March 25, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Sometimes it’s easy to feel like you might just slip through the cracks. It’s never been your style to flaunt yourself for anyone. You have never tried to get your name in lights. Not even once. You’re quiet and unassuming. Yet you’re there whenever we need you. You don’t want attention and probably wouldn’t approve of this post – so I’m not asking. But I think it’s important for you to know that we see you.

You played the part of nurse when we were sick. You bandaged our wounds and made sure we had the right treatment for any illness we met. You didn’t ask for accolades but we see you.

You were there when we made the wise choices that you asked us to make. You praised us for doing things right. You celebrated our wins, even when those wins weren’t anything all that spectacular. You were the first to clap at our concerts or recitals. You were the biggest, proudest smile in the crowd. Even though you never wanted to stand out, you should know we see you.

You were there when our choices were less than wise, some would say downright stupid! Your discipline was firm but gentle, if that’s possible. Your reprimands were more communicated through disappointment in our choices than a harsh laying on of hands. Yet through the disappointment, we never doubted your love for us. We see you.

You’ve been care give many times over now and that’s an exhausting task. Whether it’s helping through a post surgery recovery or guiding loved ones through the pains of Alzheimer’s, you were there and it seems you’re at it again. The task of caring for someone else can be exhausting and a seemingly unthankful task. Everyone asks how the patient is doing, but we see you.

The work you do and the things you say impact so many people. It’s like a rock dropped in a pond whose ripples echo out seemingly forever. This is how your love for us and those around you has impacted so many.

The days and weeks ahead through dad’s post surgery recovery might not be what any of us asked for, but we all know one thing for certain. God gave us a gift in you to watch as you handle these challenges. We’ve learned a lot and, even as we are grown, are still learning even through yet another round. You will get tired. You will grow weary. You might even ask if anyone cares. So let me remind you now – Mom, we see you and we love you.

Tattooed Truth

March 24, 2022 / / 0 Comments

There are two things in life that are very hard to cover. You can’t erase them. And you can modify them but can’t totally change. Tattoos and the truth. I’ve been toying with the idea of starting a new part of this blog or maybe a podcast that’s a little more hard hitting on matters of truth.

You see I’ve never really been one to mince words when it comes to truth. If I see it, I call it as I see it. Some don’t like that. Some of us are used to people dancing around hard topics. And I can respect that, but it’s just not how I operate on the daily. So I have made it my practice to be honest, truthful but tone down the blatant hitting between the eyes with the truths they don’t want to hear.

I’ve lost friends because they didn’t like the truth when it came out. I’ve angered some people who weren’t ready to have the truth of what they are saying or doing shined back at them. I’m not laying total blame on everyone else by any means. I’m just as much at fault as they are. I can’t help it if someone else doesn’t like the truth, but I can adjust how I go about saying the words. So I try to filter the delivery of truth without changing the message of the truth.

It may come as a bit of a shock to some, repulsive to others, and cool to still others that I am a huge fan of tattoos. For me, they have to be tastefully done and tell a story. So I have a couple of stories that are permanently etched into my skin. Just like the truth is etched into my heart and mind, these images are etched into my shoulders. And no matter what, they can’t be erased or changed. Sure some won’t like them and might stay away because they know I have them, but they’re part of me. They’re a story that I carry with me wherever I go. And I am not ashamed of them or the story the convey.

Some day, maybe on that tattooed truth page to which I was referring at the beginning, I’ll tell you the story. But if you see them popping out underneath my t-shirt and if you’re interested go ahead and ask me. I am not ashamed of the tattoos or the story they tell anymore than I am ashamed of the truth in which I believe.

There’s a line from the movie A Few Good Men that really applies here. And many of you who are of the right generations are probably saying it in your minds, if not out loud. You can’t handle the truth. That’s the line. You can’t handle the truth.

Unfortunately there are people in our circles today who simply can’t handle the truth. They say they can, but when the truth they apply to other people is applied to them, they flip out. We are living in a culture dominated by thin-skinned people who in general have a hard time with matters of truth.

So it’s time to toughen up a bit. If you’re going to belittle someone for something you better make sure you have your story straight. And you better darn well make sure you know what you’re saying. There’s a passage in the bible that I love to refer to in my own life, so I’ll share a summary of it with you. The gist is this – don’t go picking someone else apart for something they said or did if you haven’t addressed your own shortcomings first.

Here’s a truth for you. Finding a problem with something someone else is doing, then turning around and doing the same thing yourself makes you a hypocrite. Don’t do that! And for those of you who are a little soft skinned and need that tamed down, that is the tamed down version of the truth. It’s just not cool to put someone down at all, but even worse to do it only to turn around and do the very thing you were just belittling someone else for doing!

There you have it. As bold, direct and unapologetic as the tattoos on my right and left shoulders. I sure hope you can handle the truth, because we don’t change the truth to suit our desires.

Can you handle the truth?

Life Is About Perspective

March 23, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Every situation in life comes with a choice of how we’re going to approach it. Are we going to try to find a problem in every situation, or are we going to be part of a solution? I read an article recently where the author said it has to be exhausting to always be looking for a problem in the world. Pray for those people. I never really thought of that before, but it’s so very true! And it reminds me of something I learned as a child and that we teach regularly.

If all we do is search for something wrong, I can guarantee you’ll be able to find it. But I can also guarantee that you’ll be a much less joyful person in the process. It seems that we live in a world where people are riddled with this desire to find a problem. We listen to the news to pick apart the facts that are presented. We scroll through our social media feeds to find something written that doesn’t line up with what we think, believe, or how we live. We look at people and judge their actions or clothing or speaking just to find something wrong with them.

Does it make us feel better? Do we do this in an effort to build ourselves up by using the pieces of someone else’s life that we smashed?

If you have to smash someone else’s life in an effort to make yourself look or feel better, then you my friend not only have a problem but frankly are a problem. There’s a principle that we teach in the church that’s based on one of the commands of God in the Old Testament. Put the best construction on everything.

Do you do that? Do you read someone’s social, listen to them speaking, watch them walking, evaluate their clothing situation and put the best construction on them? Or do we jump to conclusions and judge based on what our preconceived opinion sees and hears?

Look, I get it. Not everyone is like you. And you aren’t going to agree with everyone. But there are some things that you can just let go. You don’t have to be the social media troll that pipes up on everything you don’t agree with just to raise trouble.

Now as in everything in life, there are exceptions to this just keep quiet rule. There are times when it is very beneficial and even necessary to say something. If someone is living a life that is dangerous, incongruent with their expressed belief, or just out of the norm for them. These can be indicators that something is drastically wrong. But make sure to check your heart and your motives before you say something. Carefully evaluate your intentions. Are you doing this for you or for them? Is your intent to gain understanding of what’s going on in their life or to infuse their life with your opinion?

If we truly pause long enough to evaluate our intentions, then it’s very likely most of the things we were going to say are not necessary or even beneficial. So it’s really all about perspective. Are you looking at something from your vantage point and trying to make someone else see your side of things? Or are you selflessly entering a conversation with no agenda other than to humbly learn someone else’s point of view? When you figure this out, you’ll soon see what it means to put the best construction on everything.

Grief Sucks

March 22, 2022 / / 0 Comments

We’ve all experienced it. We’ve all seen it. Felt it. Went through it. We’ve all had the taste of loss put in our mouths. Maybe the loss of a loved one to cancer. Maybe it was the loss of a job. Maybe we didn’t get the promotion and feel as if we lost out on something big. Maybe it’s the feeling of loss we have when a child moves out of the house. Maybe it’s the loss of a friend or even a spouse. All of these losses cause us to go through a time of grief. And to put it mildly, grief sucks.

Grief sucks because it’s hard. Grief is hard because there’s no clear cut path to make our way through it. And when we’re in an uncomfortable place, our number one priority is to get through it. We don’t want to be in a challenging situation any longer than is absolutely necessary. Grief is no different.

Everything around us tells us that we need to get over our grief. Sure people don’t say that but when you listen to their words, it’s pretty evident. We don’t like being around crying people because we don’t know what to say or do. So we try to give some feel good platitude that makes us feel like we’re doing something, but it really isn’t helpful in the least to the person grieving.

Grief is hard because it’s like quicksand. When we fall into grief, the more we resist it the more it sucks us right into its awful grasp. We become so tunnel visioned on the loss and the pain associated with it, that we can’t see anything positive around us at all.

Grief is suffered in moments, but is meant to be lived out in stories.

Think about it for a minute. The last time you were in a place of grief, what was your focus? It was the loss and only the loss. We become so tunnel visioned that we can’t see beyond the loss and the feelings of pain and abandonment associated with grief. It’s as if grief is all that’s left in life. But grief isn’t the end of the story, at least it doesn’t have to be.

When we realize that grief is acceptable and that there are stages of grief that allow us to move through it and not get trapped in the middle of it, we can soon see the power of baby steps. First of all, don’t hear what I’m not saying here. Grief is not something you need to get over. But you do need to move through. We all need to make progress walking through the darkness and loneliness of grief but we don’t do it alone.

As a pastor, I look at life a little different than some. I believe that grief has a very important purpose in our lives. Grief is a way to check ourselves on what’s important. Grief helps us see who and what is around us to walk with us through challenge. Grief, although awful, doesn’t get the final word.

I’ve suffered some pretty significant losses in life. From losing two grandparents in less than a year, to losing close friends, having to close a church and leave the people behind that I loved dearly. Loss is hard. It sucks to be honest. But grief is part of a story that is being written, but it doesn’t have to be the final chapter.

Another way to look at grief is to not let it have the final word. When we keep staring our loss in the face, day in and day out, we’re letting the pain and loss and grief consume us. The moment is becoming the story. It’s as if grief is getting to put a period, hard stop at the end of our joy. But that’s not healthy and it’s not even true!

Grief isn’t a period. It’s a comma. The purpose of a period is to show an ending. The purpose of a comma is to help you pivot to a new line of thought taking into account what just happened. This means that the loss you are experiencing right now can lead you to something next that could only be experienced with the taste of grief in your mouth. I know that’s hard to swallow because we just want it to end, but that’s not how grief works.

Grief has to run its course. For some it’s days. For others it takes months or even years. You’ll never get over the loss. But you’ll grow through the grief. The point is simple. Don’t let grief have the final say. Don’t let grief be a period where God intends a comma. Don’t let the moments of grief prevent you from experiencing the fullness of the story of your life. Grief sucks, but it’s not the end of your story.

Please note: if you are suffering from a loss and feel massive burdens of anxiety and depression, I would encourage you to find a professional to help you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with talking to someone who can help you process the grief and find healthy tools to aide in coping with the weight of grief. You’re not in this alone.

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