Category: Leadership (Page 11 of 24)

Leadership

February 8, 2024 / / 1 Comment

To be totally transparent, there’s really nothing new or earth shattering that can be said about leadership. It’s probably already been said by someone, somewhere. But I recently heard something on a podcast I was listening to that made me pause for a minute. Here was the definition of leadership they used.

Leadership is disappointing your own people at a rate they can absorb.

Wow I love that definition and I hate that definition at the same time. I don’t like it for obvious reasons. I don’t like to disappoint people. No one does really. I’m typically the bull in a china shop who is willing to try new things to accomplish new results. I don’t cling to the way we’ve always done it forever, especially if that way is no longer yielding results. But I still don’t like to disappoint people.

That said, I do love this definition because it describes the life of leadership so very well. The longer you’ve been in leadership the longer you’ll realize that some people will just flat be disappointed with you. More than that however, some people will take that disappointment one step further and sabotage the work you’re doing. I’ll unpack that later.

Why are people so easily disappointed? It really comes down to comfort. We don’t like things to change from the status quo so we experience friction when things start to change. Friction is uncomfortable and that is disappointing to us.

It disappoints us when someone sits in our chair in church. We get disappointed when the style changes from something we’re used to…to something we’re less familiar with. We are disappointed when the leader doesn’t take our suggestion exactly the way we proposed it. I could spend the rest of this post listing out ways people get disappointed but that would benefit no one!

Part of leadership is knowing the people you’re leading. That means you have to know the things that are important to them and the things that they could care less about. How well you know the people you’re leading will help you know who to disappoint and who not to disappoint as often. But if you’re a leader, then you’re going to disappoint everyone at some point.

Back to knowing your people. Not everyone you lead thinks, acts, believes or finds important the same things. Knowing what makes them tick will help you know who to bring into which team and at what stage in their life. Timing is key to minimizing disappointment.

Some of you might be scratching your heads still over the idea of sabotage. When disappointment persists there will be sabotage. Now I don’t mean that they’ll plant explosives in your car or intentionally derail the thing you’re doing and make you look like a fool publicly. Although with some people I wouldn’t rule out that second one! Sabotage often has a more subtle approach. And every leader has experienced sabotage at some point.

Often sabotage looks more like digging in heels to stop progress. Sabotage is when a person is more attracted to the status quo than the transformational change being implemented. Sabotage will sometimes look like bickering and fighting. It will look like division. Sometimes it even looks like abandoning the organization, the leader, or even a friendship for something better.

I’m not going to go airing dirty laundry here but I’ve experienced my fair share of sabotage moments. People who claim to be friends but when they don’t get what they want just bail on you. That sucks if I’m able to be blunt, and since this is my blog I can be blunt.

Part of leadership is being prepared to be sabotaged. Unfortunately we don’t prepare people to be treated like this. We tend to paint rosy pictures of beautiful landscapes where everyone gets along nicely. I don’t know what world those people are living in but it sure isn’t the world I live in!

Look I’m not saying that sabotage is evil perpetrated against you. It’s not some evil plot by bad people. Actually it’s simply the normal reaction of people who get overwhelmed by their own anxiety. Disappointment and sabotage happen. There’s nothing you’re going to do to stop either one of them. But you can change how you react to them. And that’s how leaders are formed.

Stages of Faith

January 26, 2024 / / 1 Comment

Now admittedly the title of this post will likely mean some won’t even read it. Maybe you’re not a person with a church home and think there’s no way this will mean anything to you. Well if you’re still here, I’d like you to just keep going because while this is going to reference faith in God, there are some transferrable elements here to any belief structure.

There’s a book titled The Critical Journey where you can get more details on these stages. I’ll do my best to offer a very high level summary of my findings on these stages and how they apply to our lives today.

Submission

The book calls the first stage Recognition of God, but I want to go with a slightly different name. The idea is that in this stage you recognize you’re not in control of your life. There’s something or someone out there who’s guiding your life through. Some call it the universe which to me is a tad sci-fi. I call it God, and the way he does it is through the work of what the Bible calls the Holy Spirit.

In the first stage, we surrender or submit our lives to God. We acknowledge there are things we don’t know and things we can’t control. We recognize that God ultimately has our best interests at heart. We still live our lives. Not much externally will change here but inside there’s at least an acknowledgment that something is different.

Learning

The second stage is called Life of Discipleship and focuses on the growth of learning that takes place. As we have this recognition that God exists and is untimely for us, we then turn to learning more about who he is and how he functions. The Bible calls this discipleship, which is what the book uses as well.

The idea here is that the ways of God start to become more ingrained in who you are and how you live. The character is God is something you look for around you. Your learning is sinking in and shaping how you see the world around you. The transition to the next step then becomes easy the more you learn.

Achievement

The third stage of faith is when the submission and learning become doing. This is the Productive Life stage. There are things on the outside that start to change a little. We shift our time around to be in worship on Sundays. We set aside some of our household budget to give to the local church. We try to cuss less. You know all those things that happen when you’re not living your life just please yourself.

This stage is marked by outward expressions of our faith. We’re definitely not there yet as the saying goes, but we’re letting the learning start to chisel away the rough edges of our lives.

Reflection

There’s generally a time when we’ve done a lot of learning and started to become more active at church when we feel a need for something more. This is the Inward Journey stage.

Here we spend time meditating, praying, reflecting and wanting more than just surface level stuff. Sunday morning worship is great but we long for something more. We recognize that we need to take the Sunday morning event and move it into our relationships and darkest corners of our lives. There’s generally time spent in counseling to help dig deep into our inner lives to see what really makes us tick and how this whole faith thing will make a difference beyond an hour a week.

Journey

Sometime during the reflection stage and before we get to the Outward Journey stage we’re going to hit a wall. This is the place where the chaos of life hits us square between the eyes. It generally happens with a conflict or significant loss. The wall is found in an unexpected divorce, job loss, major conflict with friends. It happens when life is upside down and inside out. As we navigate the wall in front of us, the reflection stage will either loop us back to the beginning or propel us on a journey of outward expression of faith.

This fifth stage is all about living out in a very intentional way the elements of our faith that are critical. For Christians, this is changing the motivations of hearts to love. We often will continue to do what we’ve been doing, but now it’s for a different reason. Our motives become pure in light of the inner faith journey we’ve been through. We’re not perfected in love and we still struggle, but the fifth stage is really all about intentionally walking in the faith we claim.

Love

The sixth and final stage the book proposes is really living a life of love. That phrase is a bit sappy sounding but it’s not really all touchy feely, crying and hugging kind of love. The highest level of faith development is when the love for Christ and love for neighbor propel all of what we say and do.

Of course there will still be hiccups along the way. Of course we’ll falter and even fail in this process. The overarching idea however is that we have arrived at a place where the message of God’s love and mercy has been so internalized and applied to our relationships and struggles that it just oozes out of us everywhere we go.

Unfortunately, many people or perhaps even most people never make it past stage three. They get stuck in the achievements of faith section. They volunteer at church and show up for worship. They sing or perform or help on teams, but their level of faith is never really internalized or lived out in real time.

There will be some who make it to stage four but this and the wall associated with it normally serves as a strong roadblock to going further. Perhaps knowing the stages will be helpful in progressing through the cycle. Maybe if we know there can be more than just knowing God and his teachings then we’ll long to find a way to do that and it will shape how we live.

Wherever you are on the cycle, there’s always room to grow and mature. There’s always another step in the journey. Where are you?

The Gambler

January 19, 2024 / / 0 Comments

We can find wisdom just about anywhere, if all we do is look with open ears and eyes. One of the places we can find some of those wisdom nuggets is in the lyrics to songs. Maybe some of the new songs have that wisdom but I’m an old guy with a limited bandwidth for music, so I don’t spend my time listening to much that is of the modern generation.

Some of the most memorable music in my life happened when I was a kid. I think this is true for most of us actually. Through most of my middle school years, I spent countless weeks every summer riding shotgun as my grandpa drove across the country. Indiana one week. New York the next. Texarkana for the periodic extra long trips.

There were a few songs that we’d play over and over again. The theme song to Smokey and the Bandit was a sure favorite as we went east bound and down, loaded up and truckin’. I still play that from time to time on long road trips!

Another was the song The Gambler by a music icon, Kenny Rogers. Now some of you are likely saying something about that being a country song and you’re not a country music kind of guy. And you’re right. I don’t listen to a lot of country music. But this one is a classic and it has some real wisdom. Take the chorus as an example.

You’ve got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em. Know when to walk away, know when to run. You never count your money, when you’re sittin’ at the table. There’ll be time enough for countin’, when the dealin’s done.

Yep I sang those lyrics in my head as I typed them. And if you didn’t you need to listen to the song! In all seriousness there’s wisdom in these lyrics that compare life to a poker game. You’re dealt a hand. You need to figure out how you’re going to play it, because everyone has to play the hand they’re dealt.

Some days when you’re playin’ the hand you’re dealt, it’s easy. You throw your cards and toss your chips. Money flows like water. But other days you need to hold those cards close to your chest. You don’t let people see what you have. You don’t flash your hand to anyone because you just don’t know what they’re going to do with the information you share.

Still other days, those cards you’re dealt are just no fun and frankly destructive. So in those life moments, you need to know it’s ok to fold. Stack your cards in a pile facedown. Push your chair away from that table and excuse yourself from those sitting around it.

Then there are days when you don’t really even have time to collect yourself that much. You just toss the cards on the table. Grab your chips. And run. As fast as you can you get the heck out of dodge.

The moral of the story here is be aware of the cards in your hand. Know the players at the table in your little poker game we call life. It’s ok to hold those cards close for a season. It’s ok to fold and walk away. It’s even ok to let go of those cards completely and never look back.

I’m not sure what season you’re in and whether it’s a warm summer evening or a cold winter morning, but the game goes on. So learn to play your cards. One day as you sit alone on the sideline of life, then you can take time to count the payoff. But for now – hold ’em, fold ’em, walk away or run. However you do it, you have to play the cards you’ve been dealt.

The Sled

January 16, 2024 / / 2 Comments

I want you to walk with me for a few minutes. This walk will take you back in time a few years in my personal life. I’m going to bring you along for some key moments that make me a bit vulnerable, so be kind. This walk is not for any other purpose than to give you a window into my heart. I could go further back in time, but I think a couple of years will be sufficient.

We’ll start in the early summer months just a couple years ago. I received a phone call that I knew was coming but didn’t really want to receive. My grandma, who had been suffering for years with the debilitating disease known as Alzheimer’s, was moving into her final moments. I jumped in my truck and made my way to their house. 

When I got there my family was already inside. They were smiling, crying, laughing, sobbing, reminiscing, and did I mention crying? These are normal reactions in a situation like this, so don’t read that as anything other than statement of fact. 

I came in the house and said my hellos, told my grandma I was there, then took my place. That phrase took my place should sound odd because it kind of is. I took my place off to the side, out of the way. My feet were shoulder width apart. My hands tucked behind my back clasping one another. It was my official stance, in my official place. No tears. No emotion. I was there. 

I see this moment and many others like it, like a piece of workout equipment at the gym. It’s like a sled that sits on the ground. There’s a picture of one above. It has handles standing up so you can push or pull it across the room. You add weight to make it more challenging. You can even attach straps to it and drag it like one of those strongest man competition kind of events where they pull a semi truck across a parking lot. 

As I stood in the corner of the room, my family was talking and crying and wondering when this was going to happen. I stood there with the harness on my shoulders, down in my stance, ready to pull the sled across the room. All emotion was shut down in that moment. Something I’ve grown far too good at doing.

I watched closely as her breathing slowed. I’ve learned that breathing rhythms change as one starts to transition from this life. I felt the eerie presence of what I’ve come to know as death settle in the room. I looked at my mom and nodded as if to say It’s time. I did what we call the commendation of the dying, basically our version of last rights (kind of). When I finished, I told my family they probably had a few minutes to do one last goodbye. Sure enough, the breathing stopped. Everyone knew it. No one wanted to admit it. 

The tears flowed. Words were lost. They really didn’t know what to do. The hospice nurse helped contact the funeral director to come gather the body. When he arrived, he didn’t have any help so he asked me to help move the body to the gurney. I’ve done this before but didn’t even think I’d do it in this situation. 

I lowered my stance. Grabbed the harness on my shoulders. Dug in my footing and pulled. This is what it felt like. My emotion was shifted to drive. Instead of tears falling down my face, my hands lifted her body from one bed to another. I know they didn’t think this but the looks on my family’s faces were just simple shock. How can you do that and it not tear you up? Are you an animal? Alien? Robot? As long as I’m in my drive stance, there isn’t much room for emotion. My sadness turns to drive. My joy turns to drive. It’s really all I know at times. 

Nearly a year later my grandpa died, then my other grandpa, then my wife’s grandma who was like a grandma to me as well. All of them gone within a couple year span of time. I didn’t cry at any of them. I conducted their funeral services with not so much as a tear. And no that’s not bragging. That’s the point of this post. I didn’t know how to cry. I just knew how to push, pull, drive. 

A year later a great family of close friends left to pursue new endeavors in a new area. We had grown pretty darn close through our time shared, but now they were gone. My feet dug into the ground. The sled kept moving. As long as my legs didn’t stop moving, the sled would continue. As long as my feet kept churning, the pressure, pain and struggle wouldn’t seem so bad. 

In all of that, my son left for service in the US Army. I didn’t know what it would look like or how it would end. I was wrecked inside. When I was in public my feet dug deeper into the ground. I pulled like I’ve never pulled before. But I didn’t realize that all of these things, and so many more I haven’t mentioned, were weights added to the sled. As long as I kept moving, I could pull it. 

My wife, unfortunately, bore a heavy load through all of this. She saw me fall apart when my son left. She saw me flat on the ground (literally) unable to hold myself together. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t keep food down. I couldn’t even workout. The weight had gotten too much. I couldn’t keep it together anymore and since home was my safe place I fell apart. She was worried. I was a mess. But when we left the house, I got in my stance, grabbed that harness, dug my feet in the ground and started pulling. I was moving slower this time but I thought as long as I move I’ll be ok.

Ok now take a breath all of you. This is not a post about my ability to push through. It’s not a post about how strong I am. It’s a post about my faults and my brokenness. It’s a post about weakness and a major flaw. I’ve told you all before that I can drive. It’s part of my personality. That theme song from a few weeks ago tells the story of my drive, but what is easily missed in that song is the reason for the drive. But what I didn’t spell out for you specifically is that drive isn’t fed by personal ambition. It’s often fed by an inability to properly process emotion in public. I couldn’t do it because I felt weak. I don’t like feeling like people can’t count on me and when I was feeling broken I felt like I was letting the world down. So I tightened the shoulder straps of that harness, lowered my center of gravity, used my hands to balance, and dug in using power and energy that I really didn’t even have. 

Why do I share this? Simple. Don’t be like me. The apostle Paul said to follow me as I follow Christ. I’m telling you don’t do life my way. It really isn’t good. Yeah I can push and pull and drive, but it doesn’t always end well. If you’ve been on the road around me in the midst of one of these emotionally charged moments, you’ve probably seen it. You might have even been hit by the sled I was pulling. It wasn’t intentional. Some days I’m way better than others. Some days are…well let’s not talk about those. 

Why do I share this? The power of the church is that you (and I) don’t have to live this way. The church is the body of Christ. It’s the collective strength of every part of who God called us to be. This is likely why the writer of Hebrews says not to give up meeting together. The more isolated we are, the harder life is. The more distance we allow to grow between us, the more challenging life is for everyone. Get together. Find people you can trust and ask if they’ll help grab the sled with you. Maybe they’ll even help you by lifting a weight off of the sled so it’s not so hard to pull. 

We all have to drive at times in life. But we don’t have to do it alone. When it’s time to pull your sled, remember there are people around you who want to help you. And if you happen to be one of those people around me, be patient as I try to figure out how to convert some of this drive back into a healthier alternative. 

Needy?

January 12, 2024 / / 0 Comments

I learned a lesson when I was selling cars that I believe is transferrable to just about every other field. Never make a significant and permanent decision as a result of a huge need.

Ok so that’s a tad vague so let me put some skin on that skeleton. In the car sales world, the easiest person to sell a car to was the one who came in saying My car just died and if I don’t get something today, I won’t be able to make it to work tomorrow!

Yep that actually happened. More than once! You know what that does to the sales person? There is a huge flashing neon sign above that person indicating they are a for sure sale. And it meant they were no longer in a position to negotiate on price much at all because they needed to buy more than I needed to sell.

The transferrable principle I try to live by is to never make a decision, or hire someone, when you’re feeling desperate and needy. The more needy we are, the more likely we will choose someone for what they can do instead of for the character and skill set they bring to the table. And this can be very dangerous!

Imagine for a minute that you need to hire someone to fill a critical role in your organization. You just fired half of your sales team because they weren’t performing and now you need to bring on more sales reps to handle the traffic that you know will be coming. A critical role in your business was just vacated by someone who left for another company or was removed for unethical practices. This can even be the case with volunteer teams when we just look for warm bodies instead of people who epitomize the character and values of our organization.

When we make a massive decision, like bringing someone onto the team, in the midst of a tremendous sense of desperation, it almost always ends really…really badly!

A better approach that I’ve found works fairly well in both the nonprofit landscape and even in for profit entities with which I’ve worked is to fill the gap for an intentionally temporary season. This means you might hire a sales person for a 3 month probationary period. Bring in the interim CEO to manage your growing company. Appoint an interim to fill the position at your nonprofit or ministry team.

When we make these massive shifts out of a sense of desperation, we often are so clouded by the need that we can’t see the reality in front of us. If the rest of the team is strong, then even a critical loss can be managed for a short duration of time by the rest of your competent staff.

Take a breath. Slow down. Look for a potential short term solution to give yourself a little room to make a clear headed decision.

Change

January 10, 2024 / / 0 Comments

There are two kinds of people in the world, and the title of this post revealed both sides. When you think of changes to something about which you’re passionate, you either get super excited or fight it with all your might. Which are you?

Admittedly, there are some gradients here. Some are like I’m in! Let’s change it all! Others are willing to change even though they know it will hurt. Still others who are not resistant to change will tiptoe into it knowing it needs to happen but not be super excited about it.

What I think everyone needs to understand is that change is essential and it is everywhere. Change doesn’t really care of you want to do it or not. Change doesn’t mind if you hate it or love it. Change is just change.

We change our clothes everyday, some of us more than once a day. The seasons change, unless you live in Ohio and it’s pretty much always gray and gloomy this time of year. Trees change from bare in the winter to buds in spring to leaves in summer. Grass changes from lush and green in the spring to dormant in the summer to back to dormant again in the winter months again.

Change is everywhere!

Watching changes happen from one season to another or changing your clothes are super easy. But what about when, after you get married, your new spouse changes the way the budget has always been worked? Or what happens when she makes chili in a different way than your mom used to make it? Or what about someone proposing a change in how your church does worship? (you know the whole hymnal vs band debate that seems to be never ending)

The point is some changes are easier to manage than others. While change doesn’t always have to be bad but it is always disruptive to comfort. And therein lies the problem. We love our comforts in life. We love to have our set routines. And when someone disrupts our routine, all hell breaks loose. We don’t want anyone to mess with the way it’s always been done!

Change can sometimes feel like that whole ice bucket challenge that was social media popular. Except it’s like someone doing that to you when you’re enjoying a nice steaming hot shower. It is awful! It shocks the system because it takes you out of your comfort zone.

Since this week’s word is change, consider how you handle change. Consider what types of changes are hardest for you to manage.

Intentionality

January 3, 2024 / / 1 Comment

Accidents happen. I know that. Some accidents are pretty destructive. I remember getting a call one day that someone in my family was in an accident. I rushed to make sure everyone was ok. And sure enough all humans were fine, but the car…not so much. Accidents, in many cases, result in something getting broken, damaged, or disrupted.

But there are some things in life that are happy accidents. These are the kinds of things that happen accidentally and still end up leaving you better off than had they not happened. You leave late for work and end up just missing a crash at the end of your road. You drop something on the floor in your bedroom. And when you bend over to pick it up, you find the ring that you lost weeks ago.

Accidents come in all shapes and sizes. Some are good. Some not so good. And some downright terrible. But rarely does something get built by accident. Rarely do we make massive improvements without some form of a plan. Enter today’s word: intentionality.

Intentionality, by definition, means the fact or quality of being done on purpose or with intent.

That’s well and good but let’s simplify that a bit. Intentionality is doing something on purpose, in a manner that’s well thought out. Risks are calculated. Losses evaluated. Plan established. Steps mapped out. ON purpose. NOT on accident.

As we start a new year, many people are going to write some goals for 2024. Lose weight. Run longer distances. Save more money. Pay off debt. Eat healthier. Get an advanced degree. Graduate. Whatever the goal, or resolution, you’re not going to do this accidentally. You need some form of intentional plan to make it happen.

Let’s take lose weight as an example. You can’t just wake up one morning and say Today’s the day. I’m going to lose 25 pounds. Gain muscle mass. Lessen my waist size by 2 inches. Then expect the fat to magically melt away. You need some form of a plan and you have to be intentional about it!

You need to find a gym or get some workout gear. You need to dump the Doritos out and replace them with something that grows out of the ground, like celery. (By the way, just typing that sounds gross!) You need to get some workout clothes. Maybe talk to a friend who knows exercise or get a personal trainer or at least watch a YouTube video. You need to set an alarm to get up a little earlier. You should probably block off time on your calendar so nothing gets in the way. A menu plan should be created to make meal prepping a little easier. Packing up some healthy, grab and go kind of snacks will make this more of a reality as well.

You see it takes intentionality. You have to make a plan and set it in motion. Having a friend to hold you accountable is probably a really good idea. I know for myself, there are mornings I just don’t want to get out of bed to go workout. I mean I live 30 minutes from the gym. But I have a friend I meet there and I know if I don’t show up I leave him high and dry.

It’s not just with New Year’s resolutions though that we need to be intentional. It’s the same thing with our personal and professional development. Things don’t just happen accidentally. We need to be intentional.

As a pastor, I meet a lot of people who treat their faith like a happy accident waiting to happen. It’s like they think showing up for worship on a Sunday will get just enough Jesus on them to get them out of a bind. But that’s not how it works. You need to be intentional.

Story after story in the Bible shows us that our faith grows by being intentional. People have to take time to read what God says in the Bible before they can hear what he tells them in answers to prayers.

The same is true in leadership. We can’t lead accidentally. We need to be intentional. We need to make plans and do our best to stick to them, or communicate changes as they need to be made so people can keep following.

Intentionality is a massively powerful tool that everyone needs in their toolbox. You can’t oops I did it again your way through life. And yes that reference is for all of you pop music fans from the early 2000s.

The long and short here is take time to be intentional. Slow down. Map out the plan. Set some benchmarks. Bring in someone to hold you accountable. It may cost you some extra time, effort, or money now, but in the long run it will benefit you more than you can realize.

Theme Song

December 29, 2023 / / 2 Comments

Before we dig into this one, I know some are not going to like some of what’s in here. And that’s ok. Not trying to please everyone. Actually I’m not the people pleasing type, but that’s probably a post for a different time.

Ok so I’ve heard people talk about having a word or theme for their year or even a theme song for their life. Most of these are either one of those relationally sappy songs about how their life is defined by love and all the things. Or they have one of those Don’t Worry Be Happy kind of songs where everything is going to be just fine no matter what life throws at you. The kind of song that has your backside in the sand drinking mimosas on the beach. That’s not my gig either for two reasons. I don’t really like the beach and not 100% sure I even care for mimosas!

Still others might be the drink your life away kind of person and have a theme song like Whiskey Glasses. Now I have nothing against a good glass of whiskey. I’ve been known to have a good pour of bourbon as many close to me know. But to have a theme song about grabbing a drink of something strong to help lessen the pain isn’t my style either.

Admittedly, I’m not normally a theme song for my life kind of guy, but if I were I think I have the song. At least the song that seems to hit right now. And this is where some of you are not going to be super excited, but hang with me.

A couple of months ago, my daughter played a song for me off her Apple Music Playlist. It’s something she heard from a friend at school. And the title of the song is likely why someone shared it with her, and why she shared it with me. The song is titled Soldier, and it’s by the artist Tom MacDonald. The idea of a song titled soldier was appealing to her since her older brother is currently deployed halfway around the world in the US Army.

I had never heard of this artist before so I listened…closely. The song was a bit driving in parts and a bit dark in others. But something about the song resonated with me. No I’ve never been a soldier. I don’t run around with two guns loaded. I don’t see myself as the one knocking down doors taking out my opponent. But the chorus of the song kind of hooked me.

I won’t give up, I won’t turn around, Tell them if I ain’t enough, Let ’em shoot me down. And my whole life I ran from the fight, ’cause my whole life I lost every time, but I won’t give up, I ain’t backin’ down.

Ok before someone goes all he needs a therapist on me, give me a minute to explain why this hits so hard. If you know me, you know that I don’t normally give up the ghost very easily. But what you don’t know is that didn’t used to be how I was. Ask anyone who knew me growing up and you’ll find out I was backward, awkward, and super shy. I wouldn’t stand up for myself, much less anyone else. I would shy away from conflict. I was the flight kid in the fight or flight example.

But one day something in me snapped. I don’t know exactly what happened or even when specifically it occurred, but I realized that I wasn’t going to lose every time anymore. And I doubled down on myself. I worked harder. I read books, listened to podcasts, watched people better than me. I asked questions. I shadowed people who had skills I wanted. I started working out. I didn’t take no for an answer.

Now – that’s really who I am. It’s the drive that moves me some days. It’s what gets me out of bed at 4am to hit the gym. It’s what led me to be able to bench press 350lbs when I only weighed 155. It’s what has me getting more done before noon than many people get done in a whole day. This is most definitely not a patting myself on the back moment either. I know that this drive has its downside. Sure I can get stuff done. I can accomplish a task. Sure I don’t give up when things get rough and can shoulder a pretty decent workload. But it comes at a cost.

That whole won’t back down, won’t turn around, won’t give up mentality has a consequence and it’s in the middle of the chorus. let ’em shoot me down. Yep some people don’t like that drive. Some people feel threatened when I bulldoze through a room to get a job done. This drive has cost me. It’s cost me sleep for sure. But it’s also cost some close friendships.

There’s no easy way to really say this, so I won’t beat around the bush. When there’s a job to get done, I have a tendency to get the job done. I don’t wait for everyone to get onboard. I have run over people (not literally mind you) in an emotional sense. I’ve walked right past people who wanted to talk to me, but I was too laser focused on the job to even realize it. I didn’t ignore them knowingly. I just flew past them on my way to get accomplish a task.

Let ’em shoot me down. It sure doesn’t sound very “nice” does it? But to be certain, when you know who you are and are fairly confident in the person you’ve been called to be, someone is going to try to shoot you down. Most of the time though, the shot comes from behind your back.

I won’t give up. I ain’t backin’ down. That’s pretty much how I roll these days. If the reason is compelling enough and the payoff is right, I’ll run through a wall. Another way to see this is in light of those personality profiles. I’ll hit that one more after the first of the year. If you haven’t already guessed, I’m a D on the Disc Inventory. I’m an 8 on the enneagram. And I bet you’ll never guess what I am on the Myer’s Briggs Inventory.

To bring this to a close, you don’t have to choose a theme song for the year. But if you did, what would yours be? And why?

Scrapes, Scars, & Stories

November 20, 2023 / / 0 Comments

If you look really closely, you’ll see thousands of scars all over. Some are nearly microscopic, while others are much larger. Each one of these scars tells a story. None of them are life threatening by themselves. But when you put them all together, their impact adds up significantly.

There’s a method of torture called death by a thousand cuts. The idea is that no single cut will do a lot of damage. The cuts each sting and some downright hurt. Each one brings with it a little bit of blood and some pain. But none of them are intended to kill you. This is the torture part. Over time the pain intensifies as the cuts mount up. One on top of the other until the loss is too much. The body gives up. Death by a thousand cuts.

Ok this is turning kind of dark, I understand that. Keep going and hopefully you get where I’m headed. These scars aren’t physical. They’re not cuts on my arms and such. They are more significant than that and way easier to hide. They’re cuts on the heart, soul, and mind. They’re emotional cuts, relational cuts, and even some spiritual cuts. Each one of these cuts is a part of who I am. And if you’re honest with yourself, they’re part of who you are as well.

I took time recently to look through these scars. Some of them are far more prominent than others. Take for instance the one that seems to be getting my attention a lot more lately. This one kind of surfaced over the past few months and I’m not really sure the trigger. Although I do have some guesses.

This scar is one that started to form about 25 years ago when my grandma died suddenly, and then honestly was opened back up again just a couple years back when my remaining grandparents died within 18 months of each other. If you know me, you’ll know that I’m not a super emotional kind of guy. I don’t wear my feelings for the world to see. Although sometimes they do sneak out, much to my dislike.

As I looked at this scar, I saw all the things that made it so prominent. The scar took me back to sneaking cookies from my grandma’s cookie jar and enjoying swimming days in their pool. It reminded me of delicious authentic German dishes cooked to perfection. I couldn’t help but see the road passing by on my weekly trips through the summer with my grandpa in his 18 wheeler.

Soon another scar came into sight. This one was a reminder of a good friend. We were so alike and so different at the same time. We don’t talk anymore. Something pretty significant divided us. It was a cut as you can imagine. I remember the times he’d call on his road trips. Or the random texts that were probably less than appropriate but we understood each other. I remember the fire pit talks and beverages shared. But the scar came when he made a choice to walk away to pursue something that was detrimental to his family. It hurt. It left a mark to say the least. It’s a scar that tells a story.

Another scar that’s still pretty fresh came in a totally different way. A very good friend who I was very close to for several years moved away. She and her family made some life changes. I’m super happy for them, but the move was hard on me. And while we still chat from time to time, there’s a scar there. There is a mark left, a tiny cut that, honestly, is still healing. It’s a cut that reminds me they’re no longer here. A tiny cut with a big story.

Every scar tells a story.

I could go on but the point here isn’t about going through each scar. The point is that every scar tells a story. The point is that every relationship and every conversation will leave a mark. We just have to know how to handle the cuts when they come.

A friend recently told me that it’s obvious that I have really thick skin. While that’s probably true now, it wasn’t always that way! I’ve been called some pretty less than stellar things in my life. I’ve been promised things by friends only to have them make choices that benefited them and completely dismissed the friendship we shared. I’ve been let down by people I looked up to. I’ve been cut more times than I can count.

There was a time when these cuts would nearly stop me in my tracks. I’d focus on the pain and the hurt. Like a little kid who scraped their knee thinking it was the end of the world, I’d look at the tiny relational cuts and freak out. I would be like Chicken Little, thinking the sky was falling. But now these cuts heal pretty quickly. That doesn’t mean they don’t hurt. It doesn’t mean they don’t have an impact or leave a lasting mark. It just means that I’ve learned some techniques to let them heal a little quicker.

I share this so that you understand while I’m not super emotional – I am still human. I share this so you understand the cuts you see in your life, no matter how deep, no matter how painful in the moment…they don’t have to be your world. They’ll scar over – eventually. They’ll close up and they’ll heal. You won’t forget the relationship or the conversations. That’s the point of the scar. It’s there to remind you. It’s there to show you that you survived.

I’m surrounded by people for whom I care deeply. Some are family and others are close friends. But honestly some are people I only know nominally. Each one has the ability to leave a mark on my life the same way you have people who can make a mark on yours.

I don’t want you to suffer a death by a thousand scars. During holiday seasons it’s a common thing to remember the people and relationships who aren’t here anymore. It’s a very normal thing to feel darkness and hurt this time of year. Take time to read your scars. Let them tell you their story. Give thanks for the relationship that existed while it did. Ask what you need to learn from that scar. Then look at the rest of the people and relationships in your life that God added to help make that cut into a scar.

Scars are not bad things because every scar tells a story.

Just Too Much To Carry

November 16, 2023 / / 0 Comments

I almost dropped everything.

There are two kinds of people in the world. There are the ones who carry two bags of groceries in from the car, and then there’s me. I tend to load up the arms and carry as much in as I possibly can. Less trips and all. Plus it’s kind of a challenge sometimes.

But it’s not just with groceries. I do this pretty much every time I get out of the car to go into the office or when I get home. I load up with my backpack, gym bag, Yeti, water jug, and often a coat or something additional on the cold days. This doesn’t even account for finding a way to carry my lunch. And yeah you guessed it…I carry all of it at once.

Carrying these things isn’t really a huge issue. The problem arises when I try to open the door. If we had those cool automatically opening doors, this would be a breeze! But alas, I have to dig into my pocket to get my keys. Then turn the lock and open the door. All of this while my hands are loaded and everything is perfectly balance. My wife often jokes that I need a drink carrier to hold all of the beverages I carry around since there’s normally a protein shake and some pre workout somewhere in the mix as well.

When I get to the door I have two options. I can do the weird balancing act or I could put a few things down. Generally I do the funky balancing act, look like a fool and almost drop everything on the way in the door.

I think the church has done the same thing with people and how we teach salvation. For those that don’t know, salvation is that teaching in the Bible that our wrongs are covered and we’re set up for an eternal future with God in heaven. You see we load up all the extra stuff for people to carry before they truly understand salvation.

The Bible teaches that there’s only one way to heaven. His name is Jesus. Salvation comes through no one and nothing other than Jesus. That’s a very clear message we read on just about every page of the Bible. Yet I’m seeing so many churches talking about so many other things as if they are prerequisites for understanding Jesus.

It’s like we’re piling all the extra bags onto people’s backs making it hard to carry any of it. The Bible teaches that we shouldn’t make it hard for people to believe, but that’s exactly what we’re doing. We load up worship styles, version of the Bible, doctrines and teachings of our particular denomination, how we dress, how we talk, where we go and don’t go, should we make the sign of the cross or not. Man there’s a ton of baggage that we’ve attached to the whole Jesus is the only way to heaven truth.

I’m not saying that any of those conversations are bad. As a matter of fact many of those things are good in their own right. But we can’t treat them as if they are Jesus. We need to stop loading people up with all of this extra baggage before they even know Jesus.

I’m part of a church tradition that values its heritage and its position on many topics, what we call doctrines. And I’m seeing more and more pastors in my church body making people know all of these supporting truths with minimal focus on Jesus. Sure they teach that Jesus died and rose but there’s so much more to Jesus than that one piece of his life.

If you’re a follower of Jesus, perhaps it’s time to realize who Jesus really is. He was a person with some amazing characteristics. He was a man who really walked on the earth, who dealt with some pretty nasty stuff. There’s a lot we can learn from Jesus without heaping up all the extra baggage that we have come up with over time to differentiate us from the rest of the world.

When we load people up with all of these extra doctrines and focus on our churchy jargon it’s often at the expense of Jesus. It’s at the expense of people really learning to live like Jesus. Jesus teaches that his teaching is easy and his burden is light. He doesn’t load us up with all these theological terms and churchy ideas. The Bible gives us Jesus. That’s the one thing we need for heaven. If more followers of Jesus would worry as much about following Jesus as they do about their doctrines and confessional stance on everything, we just might realize that the world doesn’t have a problem with Jesus. They have a problem with how hard we make it to follow him.

Consider thinking through what bags you make people carry on their way into church. Rethink the loads you’re putting on the men and women who really want to know Jesus. If we’re not careful, they’re going to drop everything…including Jesus.

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