Tag: marriage (Page 1 of 2)

Leaning Into Mercy: The Invitation to a Clean Heart

February 25, 2026 / / 0 Comments

Marriage is a great teacher. Sometimes the hardest. Sometimes the wisest.

If you’ve been married for any length of time, you know relationships only work when you fully lean into one another with mercy. You can’t keep score. You can’t file mental receipts every time your spouse messes up. Because if you do, it becomes a ledger of resentment instead of love.

That’s exactly what the Bible talks about in 1 Corinthians 13 when it says love does not keep a record of wrongs. It’s not a naive rule. It’s a practical truth about human relationships. Mercy is the grease that keeps the gears running smoothly.

And that’s what Psalm 51 invites us to experience. Not just in marriage, but in all areas of our life.

God doesn’t just slap a sticker on our mistakes and call it good. That’s cosmetic. That’s like spraying perfume on a dirty heart. Real mercy goes deeper.

Mercy, by definition, is not getting the bad we deserve. It’s not receiving the punishment or consequences we truly earned. Grace, on the other hand, is getting the good we don’t deserve. The positive blessings that we never could earn on our own.

Psalm 51 isn’t about shame. It’s about a clean heart. It’s about God offering a deep, thorough cleaning of the parts of us that are broken, wounded, or hardened. And the invitation is for us to lean in and receive it.

Think about marriage again. When you truly lean into your spouse with mercy, the relationship doesn’t just survive. It thrives. There’s freedom, trust, and space for growth. You stop being defined by your mistakes. And the same goes for your spouse.

God is inviting us into that same type of relationship: a relationship grounded in mercy. A place where our mess doesn’t disqualify us, and where a clean heart is possible.

So today, pause and ask yourself: Am I holding onto grudges, against others or even myself, that are keeping me from experiencing mercy? Am I leaning in fully, allowing God to clean the heart that only He can reach?

The amazing truth here is that when God cleanses a heart, it’s not surface level. It’s deep, it’s thorough, and it changes how we relate to others and ourselves. Mercy isn’t weak. It’s powerful. It’s transformative.

Lean in. Let it happen. Because a clean heart is the foundation for living fully, freely, and with genuine love.

When Ministry and Family Collide in the Best Way

February 20, 2026 / / 1 Comment

A little over a year ago, I hired a young woman to join our church family and help lead our kids and students in the way of Jesus. At the time, it was about calling, gifts, and mission. We were excited about what God might do through her leadership with our families.

What I didn’t know was that God was quietly writing another story at the same time.

Over the months, she and my son started spending time around the same ministry spaces. Financial Peace University. Spiritual First Aid. Church events. Conversations after things wrapped up. The kind of ordinary moments where you slowly start to realize someone matters to you more than you expected.

They encouraged each other. They laughed together. They shared life in the natural rhythm of church and ministry.

And eventually… they started to like each other.

In fact, there was a moment when they sat down with me and said something along the lines of, “We don’t think we should like each other… but we can’t seem to help it.”

As a pastor and a dad, that’s a unique conversation. It’s one that seminary can never prepare you to have!

But sometimes the best things in life are the ones God gently grows when nobody is trying to force anything.

What started as friendship slowly turned into something deeper. And last night, it became something official.

My son asked her to marry him.

He took her back to the place where they had their first date. The whole evening involved a bit of strategy on his part. The rest of us were part of the distraction so she wouldn’t suspect what was coming. Watching it all unfold was one of those moments you wish you could slow down and hold onto for a while.

And when the moment finally came… she said yes.

As a dad, there are moments that fill you with a quiet kind of pride. Not pride in accomplishments or achievements, but pride in the kind of people your kids are becoming.

Watching my son step forward with courage and commitment meant a lot to me.

And watching the woman he chose, the same woman who has been faithfully investing in our church’s kids and families, made it even more meaningful.

Sometimes God writes stories that none of us could have planned.

A year ago, I was welcoming a staff member into our church family.

Last night, we celebrated welcoming her into our actual family.

Life has a funny way of doing that.

To both of you: we are proud of you, we love you, and we can’t wait to see the life God builds through your marriage.

Congratulations Matthew and Molly! The best chapters are still ahead.

Going After The Princess!

August 29, 2022 / / 0 Comments

For the past couple of weeks we’ve discussed the three things every man needs in life based on the book Wild at Heart. These three things are a battle to fight, an adventure to conquer, and a beauty to pursue. Today we’re going after the damsel in distress!

Ok ladies before we get started in know that sounds a little demeaning but give me a few seconds here and hopefully it makes some sense. Hopefully it’s not as bad as it comes across at first!

Men have this built in desire and need to pursue or rescue someone. There’s something built into the DNA of a man to go after the girl and make sure she has what she needs. It’s like a rescue. Sure there are times when the fine maiden might literally need to be rescued from something terrible, but the day to day parts of life aren’t quite like that. So what then?

I think some of the older movies where the princess is trapped and needs the knight to come in with shining armor to save her have kind of ruined our idea of rescuing the princess. It paints the female as incapable and weak. But that’s not what this is about at all actually.

The idea of rescuing the beauty is less about her inability than it is about his need for pursuit and a validation of his presence in the relationship. When a couple first starts dating they pursue each other. They text in the middle of the day and include those sappy hearts and loving phrases. They get all gushy and mushy in their pursuit. The pursuit is all about showing each other that they are present for the other person. They’re demonstrating their willingness to go the extra mile for the other person…aka rescue them.

This rescue isn’t from a burning building but from aloneness, boredom, fear. It’s a pursuit of someone who doesn’t necessarily need help but needs to know they’re cared for and loved. The man has a need to be able to pursue his beauty and rescue her.

Unfortunately however this isn’t alway able to happen. Some women don’t want to be rescued or give an air that they don’t need him to rescue them. Sometimes the woman is powerful and confident and successful and he’s…well not that way at all. An insecure man with a powerful and successful woman just won’t last at all. I’ve seen it all too many times. And gents I’m going to be honest with you here. It’s not her fault she’s successful and confident. It’s not her fault that you’re feeling inadequate. And for goodness sake bailing when you feel inadequate only proves that you’re probably right!

When we pursue the beauty or rescue her, we’re showing her that she’s a really important part of our day to day lives. We’re reminding her that since the time we said “I do” we haven’t changed our minds. The pursuit of the beauty isn’t easy, so don’t for a second think this whole relationship thing is a walk in the park. If you’re looking for easy then you’re really not looking for marriage or any relationship at all!

If you can walk from it with relative ease, then you weren’t in it for the right reasons in the first place. Men you need to pursue the beauty. Not because she can’t do it. Not because she needs you to pursue or save her from someone or something. But because deep inside of you there’s a longing for someone to pursue. Someone to love. Someone for whom you can care.

Ladies let him pursue you. Don’t shut him down or close him out. Maybe even let him win from time to time. And remember the way he pursues you might not be exactly how you want to be pursued, so give him a little grace and acknowledge how he’s rescuing and pursuing you. He’ll do this with love and affection, gifts and accessories to your life, working hard to provide for you and your hobbies, time with you, time with the kids, lending a hand around the house or at least offering to help even though you won’t let him, and so many more things that often go missed in the day to day events of life. This is all about rescuing and pursuing the beauty in his life.

Ladies be willing to be rescued (pursued) because you’ll both benefit from it! Men get out there and quit being lazy. Don’t run from a woman who’s hard to pursue or doesn’t seem to need rescued. You’ll both experience an amazing reward if you just pursue the one who God gave you to pursue.

When Truth Challenges

October 6, 2021 / / 0 Comments

As a product of the generation known as GenX, I know the struggles with absolute truth versus relative truth. The idea that what’s right for you isn’t right for me. And in some cases that’s right. There are somethings in life that are just not for everyone and that are very relative. But there are other things that are historically, across time and space to be considered truth. Some things are established as truth for the proper ordering of civilization and prosperity. Some things are intended to be in place for a very distinct purpose.

If you’ve ever studied economics or sociology you know that low income, high crime areas have something in common. Dads generally are no longer in the household picture. You see what happens when dads fail to live in their role is that families start to crumble. And when families crumble, communities crumble. And when communities crumble, so also to entire civilizations. As a matter of fact, I recently read that in ever civilization that at one time was thriving and now is a shadow of itself, the downfall started by the devaluing of the family structure.

In the video below, I address the family structure. Not mom, dad, two kids and a dog kind of family but the way God intended them to function. And whether you’re a believer in the whole Jesus thing or not, if you just look at history books, sociology studies, crime statistics and economics you’ll see evidence that backs this up. A proper understanding and valuing of family is the foundation of a thriving civilization and when we lose sight of this fundamental truth, we begin the degradation of not just family values but an entire culture.

Perhaps An Unpopular Opinion

May 5, 2021 / / 1 Comment

I want to start by saying this will likely be unpopular with some of you and I respect your opinion. However this is something I am starting to believe more and more firmly as I watch my own home, church, community, country and the world as a whole. To put it short, the biggest challenge facing the world right now is not political, medical or financial. It’s about family.

Everything in our world right now is messed up and upside down and it has nothing to do with who’s in the White House or how imbalanced the sides of the aisle are currently. It has nothing to do with unemployment or national debt. The problems that we are facing by and large come from the breakdown and devaluing of the family unit and men it’s our fault.

Now before you go getting all upset and crankified hear me out.

Men have neglected their responsibility, and it’s killing families which in turn kills communities which in turn kills cultures which in turn is messing up the whole world in which we live.

If we want to really right the ship we’re all sailing on we’ll focus on raising men who know how to be men. We’ll raise a man who stays with his wife even when he disagrees with her. We’ll teach a man to be there for his family, not just abandon them or throw a paycheck at them. We’ll teach a man to claim responsibility for failures and mistakes. We talk about abortion but why not focus on teach the boys in our culture to keep their pants on! We talk about getting handouts from the government but why not teach boys to get jobs and stick with them!

The problem isn’t about jobs or politics or even race. It’s that we as a society have let men get off the hook with being pansies. We’ve let them stay boys in a world that needs men. We’ve let them run off and abandon their wife and kids. All this does is teach the next generation that this is the way you can treat a woman. And the cycle continues and spirals.

If we want a movement in our world that will really impact an entire nation and that balances presumed racial hate and elevates women, then we need to start teaching men how to be men. When men reach the top of our potential, we’re better able to lift the ceiling so that our wife and children can go farther and higher than we were able to go.

We’ll never grow as a society on the shoulders of weak men. We’ll never conquer the hate in our world be belittling anyone. You don’t empower one people group by putting another group down.

Men we haven’t lived lives worth following. We haven’t been worthy of the respect we so badly want from those around us. We’ve been weak and at time pathetic. It’s time to man up and raise the bar.

This weekend I challenged a group of guys to grow as men. I challenged them to journey with me in a study of what a man is supposed to be. I challenged them to gather in groups of three to work together and challenged each other to grow as strong men who take responsibility for their actions. Men you aren’t going to do it alone. Find a band of brothers to sharpen you. Find the group who can hold you accountable. Push each other to be present for your family. Raise you sons to be strong men of faith willing to serve those around you. It’s time we as men take our God-given responsibility seriously and man up before there aren’t any men left to stand.

A Tale of Two Wives

August 25, 2020 / / 0 Comments

The Bible is full of pretty uplifting and cool stories. There are things about good morals and great ethical behavior. There are stories about how we should love one another and how God cares for us in our times of weakness. But if you dig just a little below the surface of the fun stories, you’ll find the ones that really don’t sound all that right.

Continue reading

You’ll Catch Up

September 20, 2019 / / 0 Comments

Have you ever had someone you look up to who seems to have the perfect marriage begin to show signs that something’s just not right? What about you, have you ever been there in your own marriage? Journeying through a marriage has so many highs and some lows as well. But how we manage the lows is just as important as the number of highs! Dealing with the lows of marriage is critical! This is why I strongly encourage all couples getting married to have a few sessions of pre-marriage counseling.

Continue reading

Submission, Love, & Life

August 21, 2019 / / 0 Comments

This week we took another chunk of Paul’s letter to the church of the Colossians. Up until this point we’ve seen Paul tell us to follow Christ. He’s been pretty specific about how important it is to follow but pretty abstract about what that looks like in our day to day lives. Here in Colossians 3:18-4:1 he takes time to break this down and applies it to our most critical life relationships.

Continue reading

Are You Listening To Me?

August 16, 2019 / / 0 Comments

In our fast paced, soundbite society it’s easy to appear like we’re listening when we’re actually not! It’s a terrible thing to have someone right in front of you and pretend to listen. But all of us do it! Just about everyone we meet is doing this. We are too! If we’re honest, we’re thinking about a million other things when someone is talking to us. We think about everything from what’s for supper to what are we going to say next. Forming our reply isn’t listening – just in case you didn’t know. So how do we get better at listening?

Continue reading

The Basics

August 2, 2019 / / 0 Comments

Life has been flying by at a frenzied pace lately. Not sure if it’s the same for everyone but I’m fairly certain we’re all in a very similar boat here. We have pressures from work and home life. The yard needs mowed and flowerbeds need constant attention. The kids’ schedules are filling the calendar and the weekends are already showing signs that this will be a busy season for you! Your older kids need some attention but your younger ones need a whole new level of attention. All of this and we haven’t even considered your personal time or the time needed to invest in your marriage!

Continue reading
« Older posts

© 2026 derrickhurst.org

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑