This past weekend I had the opportunity to be with my family as we paid our final respects to my grandparents. The morning was filled with emotion from so many. There were tears shed, memories exchanged and reunions made. I was asked to provide the message, not eulogy or time of memory but the actual funeral message for my grandparents. It was my honor to be able to do this. However, my words likely weren’t what many expected and that’s honestly ok.
You see in my mind, my role as a pastor at a time of a funeral or Christian burial is to remind those gathered (and in this case remind myself) that our final focus in this service needs to be Jesus. Memories of our loved ones will only take us so far. We’ll be torn with happiness and sadness. We’ll remember the fun times but also wallow in the sorrows of the pains they suffered in their final days or the tragedy of losing them. But when our focus is on the one who beat the day, who changed the outcome of that moment before we even arrived there, our whole focus shifts to something transcendent and beyond ourselves.
A song that I’ve listened to recently is by a group that has always been one of my favorites. The group Casting Crowns, for me at least, has been a powerful truth talking group that often gives us a message that might be hard to hear but is very much needed in the moment. And this song is no different.
As we focus on our loved ones at their funeral services, this song reminds us that we have grown vastly shortsighted. If we focus on the accident, the cancer, the pain, the alzheimer’s, the crippling effects of any illness that claimed our loved ones’ lives, then we are left holding onto scars that don’t really matter anymore. Today we listen to a song Scars in Heaven.
The only scars that we’ll find in heaven. They’re not the ones found on you or me. These scars are from the one that died on that forbidden tree. I pray these words give you comfort and hope in whatever you’re facing today.
Have you ever settled for something less than the best? If you’re at all honest here, you have to say yes. Without a doubt everyone at one point in their life or another has settled in some way. But when we settle something happens in our subconscious that is dangerous and deadly. We move from a win mindset to simply I hope I don’t lose too badly.
Ok, so I’m kind of a sports guy and I like to use sports analogies from time to time. Try this one. Could you imagine that beloved sports team you follow, changing their mindset from winning to simply not losing too badly? I think we’ve all seen it at least once. The team is down by several goals or touchdowns and something in them just seems like they’ve given up. Their play is flat to say the least. It’s like they no longer are trying to win. They’re just trying to not lose by more than they already are.
In hockey, a sport that I really started following a few years back, there’s a practice of doing something that seems odd but is very strategic. In the final few minutes of a game, if the team is losing by one or two goals, the coach will pull the goalie. When I first saw this I was dumbfounded. Why in the world would you pull the goalie when you’re already losing!? That just seemed stupid.
But then I noticed something that really made this seemingly bad idea actually a very strategic move. When the goalie makes it off the ice, they put on another player in an effort to score a goal and tie the game. So giving up a little defense gives them a better shot on offense. But it’s a risk to be sure. You run the risk of having someone score in your empty net.
In our lives there are times when it is probably in our best interest to pull our goalie. When we’re down on ourselves and life just isn’t going our way, instead of running from the problem or cowering in fear, we should put the extra offensive player on the ice and start going for the goal. When we’re down by a goal or two in life, the rules don’t change. We still need more points than our opponent to win the game, but all too often our mindset shifts from progress through life to cowering in the fetal position waiting for something to happen.
I don’t really know what this looks like in your life specifically, but I do know that if you’re a tuck your tail and run kind of person, you haven’t mastered the art of shifting to offense. If you’re the type that needs the whole scenario masterfully mapped out for you, you’re not pulling your goalie.
All too often in our day to day lives, we wait until the scenario has nearly played itself out before we take some sort of action. That is detrimental at the very least. By that time we have already lost the game. Perhaps the next adventure upon which you embark would better be tackled if you were in it to win it even when you’re losing. Shift your focus from defending your goal to scoring your next goal. It won’t be easy. It will be risky but it most certainly will be rewarding as you grow through stretching yourself.
One of my pet peeves is when I’m asked to do something then told I need to get permission for every step in the process. It’s so infuriating. The gut check moment was when I realized I did the same thing with someone and it completely shifted how I approach task assignments and delegation of duties.
To get started we need to differentiate between permission and authority. In my mind there’s a huge difference. Permission is simply telling someone they’re allowed to do something. Or even giving someone the ability to go in a direction or accomplish a task. Authority is opening a door for someone and giving them parameters within which to operate to accomplish that task. Let’s look at an example, the one where I failed actually.
As a pastor we lead a vacation bible school every summer. I asked my coworker to make sure VBS happened and that it was hers to run. Then unintentionally, really it wasn’t anything personal or intentional it just happened, I jumped in from time to time to give my input (unsolicited input mind you). Eventually it was realized that I had given her permission for the task of doing VBS but all the steps to get there were still something I wanted to control.
As soon as I realized what I had done, we changed things up a bit. Instead of just saying make sure VBS happens, I set some boundaries. Here are a list of my expectations. Aside from these expectations, you have the authority to make decisions. You have a budget to work with, timeline in which to operate, goals for how many children we’d like to see, etc. I will check on the boundaries to make sure you’re staying in the lines. If you’re in bounds then you have the full authority.
You see when something is important to us or when we have a passion for something, we tend to cling tightly to it. We hold the over arching authority and try to give a little task here and there to make it seem like we’re giving it away. Actually we’re giving task permission instead of role authority.
Here’s the problem…when we hire someone to fill a role then don’t resource them with the appropriate budget and authority to operate within given boundaries all we’ve done is hire a glorified assistant under a new title. But when in a leadership role you can give authority away, not only does it free your plate for other intentional and meaningful work, it also runs a very strong likelihood that productivity will go up and new people will be reached.
The longer we withhold sharing authority, the weaker the organization grows. And the more tired and unsettled the staff becomes. Hold on too long and you lose your staff and your organization crumbles.
So give permission if you want to keep the status quo for the short term. If you want to see your organization grow and thrive, you need to give authority and let go.
Have you ever been at a party where they had a confetti cannon? Those things make a mess! The bits of paper and glittery items go everywhere. It makes a mess and gets on literally everything. Sometimes I think we live our lives kind of like confetti cannons. We just kind of throw our efforts in just about any direction possible and see what sticks. We disburse our efforts in a manner that, if we’re honest, has very little impact.
We do a lot of things in an ok manner and do nothing really well. If you’ve ever heard the phrase Jack of all trades, master of none or I know just enough to be dangerous. These are statements that indicate we have a confetti gun approach to life. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with knowing a little about a lot of things, it does keep us from making a deep and lasting impact.
At a conference years ago a speaker said something that just kind of stuck with me. He said, Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone. That phrase is branded in my mind. There are so many people that we want to help. So many groups we want to support. So many hobbies we want to learn. But what if we sink some intentional time into one or two things and do them for the long haul?
The problem with trying to help everyone or do everything is that we either make no real impact when we try to do it all or we get so overwhelmed that we end up dropping everything and doing nothing. But if we can focus on just one or two things and do them well, helping one or two people/groups intentionally for a longer duration of time, then we can make a bigger impact in the long run.
So the challenge is to determine what to stop doing, what to start doing, and what to keep doing. That’s a task we can’t cover in a blog post. There are some questions and some exercises you can do to figure out where you should focus your efforts. But to get you started make a list of all the things your confetti cannon is shooting. Estimate the time or effort each one needs. Then rate them honestly by how your skills and interests match up with each of them. That is a good place to start when it comes to narrowing your focus and making a lasting impact.
This week we will gather with friends and family for fun, fireworks and lots of good food. We will bake in the sun. We’ll complain about the heat. We’ll spend time in the pool. Maybe we’ll set off some high altitude explosives. I’m not sure what you’ll do to celebrate this weekend known as Independence Day, but make it a safe celebration. Here are a couple of things to ponder before you go blowing crap up and getting roasted by your backyard pool.
What is this day all about?
It’s no secret that I’ve always been a fairly patriotic kind of guy. I’ve always stood for the National Anthem, put my hand on my heart when saying the Pledge of Allegiance, respected or at least politely remained quite toward those in office regardless of how I feel about them personally. But as I grow older and realize more and more about myself and the things we have in our lives as Americans, I can’t help but stand more firm in my stance on the power and amazing gift of the freedom we have as men and women in this country.
But what exactly is freedom?
Freedom is not making everyone do what you want the way you want it done. That’s dictatorship. Freedom isn’t giving everyone the same ends, meaning the same outcomes in life. Freedom isn’t erasing the bad moments to make the us feel better. Freedom isn’t even leveling the playing field. And freedom wasn’t cheap and it shouldn’t be to us either.
Freedom is giving everyone the a place on the game board, not ensuring that everyone wins. It’s giving people resources to run the race not giving them a trophy just for showing up. Freedom is a gift wrapped in the sacrifices of countless men and women across time and space. It by far is one of the most costly free things we’ll experience. There is only one thing more costly than our freedom as Americans and that’s the love of a gracious God.
Freedom is a gift that looks like a smile on a child’s face when they are adopted by a couple who can’t have children. Freedom is the sound of fireworks in sky instead of bombs in our backyard. Freedom is best realized when everyone works to raise the ceiling instead of pointing at the basement.
In our 21st Century modern world we’ve become basement dwellers instead of ceiling lifters. It was for the sake of freedom that men and women from varying backgrounds came together to lift the ceiling of oppression and bondage. It was in the name of freedom that soldiers stood at the ready to allow us the chance to have a backyard barbecue. And it should be in the name of freedom that we as Americans come together to raise the ceiling and in so doing help to lift those crushed under the weight of economic, health and relational challenges.
Freedom doesn’t mean we all end in the same place. That’s like saying every football game has two winners. Why keep score?! Why even play?! Freedom is being able to put two teams on the field at the same time, not always equal teams but teams that battle back and forth making both better.
Back to the beginning…
In short, freedom isn’t about being able to do anything we want or even letting everyone have the same treatment. It’s about being given the chance to play, work, live. There will always be some who are more talented, gifted, popular, welcomed, rich than you are, but there will always be some who are less of these things as well. Freedom is being given the ability to operate inside the boundaries. Wisdom is knowing where the boundaries are. Compassion and love are realizing that differences are valuable and seeing worth in someone who might very well be different than you.
In short, today you can be free become someone chose not to be free in a moment of time. Today you can celebrate where you are in life but do it without belittling someone in the process. Today you can celebrate the fact that while you may not be where you want in life, you are able to live, breathe, eat, work and play with some pretty wide open boundaries.
I’m going to drop a song here at the end that shows why you have the freedoms you have. This song is special to me for many reasons, mostly because my son shared this with me and said this is one of the reasons he chose the path he chose.
Be well. Stay safe. And thank Mr. Red, White, and Blue for the things you can do today.
Contentment is a really good trait but it can also be a very dangerous one. Growing up I was taught to be content with what I had. I wouldn’t have everything everyone else had so I had to be thankful for what I had and not always want more. I was a very blessed child growing up and for that matter still am very blessed. But it’s challenging sometimes to be content. We see something our neighbor has and want one just like it or even bigger. We see the newest release of the iPhone and we line up for hours to get it. There are all sorts of things that are bigger and seemingly better than what we have which makes being content difficult to say the least!
But is there ever a time when being content is a bad thing?
I will go out on a limb and say that yes there are times when contentment is not only not good but actually destructive.
You see contentment can often lead to a slippery slope toward complacency. I’ve seen it more times than I can count in the lives of people around me and in my own life for that matter. We get comfortable in our station or situation so we sit. Then we grow content with how things are. We might see something that could be done better but why fix it if it’s not broken we think. So our comfort has lead to contentment that eventually can breed complacency.
As a leader in a few different areas of life responsible for helping people move forward in commitments and convictions, I will tell you that contentment is a killer for motivation. Until the desire to change becomes greater than the comfort of staying nothing happens. Nothing grows. Nothing has a chance of getting better.
So often the fear of changing provides a breeding ground for a very toxic form of contentment. We fear moving in a new direction afraid of what might be around the corner. We like the whole thing mapped out for us, but what if the journey is more important than the destination.
If we remain content with where we are and let excuses fill our reasons for inaction, then we cannot complain when the problem persists. I have a hard time patiently waiting when there appears to be a clear course of action and the one with the power to decide just drags his/her feet. When we are content to let things stay stagnant for fear of hurting someone or not knowing what’s next, we do a great disservice to those we lead.
You don’t need to have all the answers. You don’t even need to know how it’s fully going to end. But you can’t just sit still. Sitting still to continually mull over new possibilities is just demonstrating your contentment and comfort. You don’t have to cross the pond all in one step but if you don’t make at least one step you will never get across the water.
Lately I’ve been wrestling with a spirit of contentment and a growing sense of what I call holy discontent. It’s that feeling in the pit of my stomach that says We can do more. We should do more. Ok fine I just have to do more. I’m at a point in certain aspects of life where I’m just tired of waiting for that more to fall into my lap. I’ve done the whole God if you want me to move then show me. But I never can really discern if what just happened was God answering or not so I don’t move. We can’t just stand still. More doesn’t happen when we’re sitting on our backsides.
I want to encourage you to start moving. Take a step. Any step really. You don’t have to start running. But one after another take a step. Slowly you’ll see whether the endeavor is going to be worthwhile, fruitful and blessed or if it’s a colossal waist of time. If there is no fruit from your actions then be willing to abandon the forward movement to step in a different direction. If one step naturally leads to another open door, then you just might be onto something. But it all starts with just a little step. A step that ends contentment for adventure, excitement, and possibility.
So the long and short is that contentment is good when it’s kept in its place. Be content with who God made you and with the things you have. But there are areas of our lives that God calls us to live with reckless abandon. Throw caution to the wind. Do something today that could yield dividends tomorrow. Remember it’s not about making an impact on the world. It’s about making an impact on one person and changing their world. And it all starts with a little holy discontent.
Parenting is not for the faint of heart. It’s the hardest, yet most rewarding thing we can ever do. Some parent their biological children. Other’s adopted children. Still others will parent their children’s children or will serve as parents to a child who needs someone to look up to. No matter how you parent or who you’re called to parent, your job is the same raise them to send them.
From the time they were first born, I knew this day would come. When they couldn’t feed themselves and all they did was want to be held, I knew today would come but didn’t give it a second thought. I wanted them to be able to do something, anything really. They slept, cried, ate, needed changed and looked cute. Little did I know this day would be here so soon. We were raising them to send them.
When they hit the school years they were a handful to say the least. They teased and tormented each other and us. They played tricks on teachers because no one knew one from the other. They had their serious moments and their just plain goofy and silly ones. I fear I took too much of that time for granted. I wasn’t patient enough nor loving enough in a way they needed me to be. I overlooked the things that were probably more important to them than I realized.
We did throw the ball and play video games together. I remember letting them help me wash the car and mow the lawn. They were by my side through most of their days at home. Even though they had each other, they both just wanted to be where I was. When they were sick they wanted me to stay home. They wanted me to hold them when they were tired. Even when they were throwing up they wanted me by their side. At the time I didn’t like that much but today I’d honestly do it in a heart beat because today we’ve raised them to send them.
When they hit high school and blazed their own trail, we tried to hold them back a little from making massively stupid mistakes. Don’t worry we all make these mistakes. I wanted to protect them as much and as long as I could. We encouraged them. Challenged them. Reprimanded them. We let them fall then picked them up and set them on the road again. We were there to make sure they didn’t hit bottom too hard because we wanted them to learn from the pain. We were raising them to send them.
The past few weeks have been the best of my life. We’ve spent some great time together. I cherished each of the moments. From the 25 plus hour car ride to throwing the frisbee or talking video games each of these are memories I’ll hold onto forever. The hike to the top of Little Devil’s Tower or the nonstop chatter about politics, guns and knives were all things I will not soon forget. They’ve been the greatest times that I just don’t want to end but we’re raising them to send them.
These days have been the greatest but also the worst days of my life because I know what’s coming. The raising is ending and the sending is beginning. One of them will go far and one will stay closer for now but we’re still sending them both. We’ve done what we could and for good or bad the raising portion is done. It’s now time to send them.
To My Boys:
I couldn’t be more proud of who you are and what you’re going to do in life. You are strong men of God. You have a foundation that I pray will never erode or break down. Build on that foundation.
Lucas, as you make final preparations to head off to be prepared to defend this country, even for those who don’t appreciate your service, remember where you started. Remember your fun-loving side. Make people laugh. Remember your faithful side. Show people Jesus. Stay strong when you are pushed to your limits. Keep your nose clean and your chin up. Stay safe and always watch your six. Stay true to you. Dad couldn’t be more proud of you!
Matthew, as you move to college and fight for us all by defending our technology infrastructure, know you are making a difference. You brother gets recognition for his service and I want you to know yours is equally important. Remember your serious side and how you get the job done. Work hard. Be diligent. Overcome the way you have with every challenge you’ve faced so far. Be focused and confident in who you are because you are enough! Dad couldn’t be more proud of you!
Remember the raising moments we shared. Remember that whatever the next stage of your life brings you always have a place to call home wherever we are. While the raising is ending and the sending begins, you can always come home.
To Parents and Parents to be:
Your goal is clear and yet challenging. You are called to raise them to send them. Some of you will send your children near and others will send them far. Remember this is what you were called to do. Your vocation as a parent is so vital. Be there for your children. Laugh with them. Cry with them. Hold them. Dance with them. Play ball with them. You don’t have to be their friend but you are called to love them and cherish them. Raise them well because one day you’ll send them too. But be sure to send them ready to battle the world around them. Send them to stand for the faith you’ve shared with them. Send them to be men and women who will carry the flag of your family heritage wherever they go. Send them with the assurance that while the raising has ended and sending has begun you are always there to support, encourage and love them.
It’s the start of a new month and with that comes the need to liven things up a little bit. This week’s MusicMonday is a simple reminder of the power of the message of good news. Just like any type of good news can lift your spirits and make you feel better in the moment, there’s a bit of news that’s better than a promotion at work or a new car. This good news is what we, as Christians, call the gospel.
This gospel message isn’t just some kind of good news. It’s news for today and tomorrow. It’s news that lasts and won’t change. Sometimes we kind of act like we forget this basic good news message. So we’re going to reset today. Reset our thinking. Reset our standard for good news.
So sit back. Crank up the volume on whatever you’re using to listen to this. And stack up the good news message that’s going to flood over you.
We often wonder what is God capable of doing. One of hte best ways to see what someone can do it to see what they have already done. This song is a little fun and it reminds us what God has already done to prove what he really can do.
We ask if he can be with us or if he can overcome our giants or if he can conquer evil or if he can do just about anything. But in reality what has he done?
Did He move every mountain? Did He part every sea? Yes, He did So yes, He can Did He defeat the darkness? Did He deliver me? Yes, He did So yes, He can Yes, He did So yes, He can
If he can move the mountains and part the seas, if he can shine light into darkness then he can do just about anything. That’s the gist of the song. So this week’s musical devotion thought is about challenging you to pray bigger. Ask for more. Not more money or fame or anything like that. Legit ask God for what God does. Ask him to part the waters of the hard decision you have to make. Ask him to light the path before you so you know which way to go. Ask him to give you the strength to move through the mountain that’s right in front of you.
The Bible says we have not because we ask not. So ask for goodness sake. Ask big too! I’m tired of praying pathetic prayers. It’s time to pray the big ones. Pray heavenly missiles that split the angels and leave them in awe. Pray things that only God can do then step back and watch as God does what only He can do.
After a couple of weeks to wrestle with the reality that my twin sons are graduating high school and are moving in different directions with their futures I’m bringing back the Music Monday posts. This week we’re going to look at a song by the group I Am They. An interesting name for a group but we can discuss that perhaps in a different post. The song is titled Faithful God.
How true is that statement! I mean really, how true is it that God is faithful in every possible way? He not only created a world he knew we’d mess up, but he also sent his Son to save us knowing it would cost his life. You don’t get much more faithful than that.
We often have a hard time seeing his faithfulness because we are clouded by the things we want in life that don’t have. And if we’re totally honest those things are all things we could have if we worked harder or spent less. We settle for prayers and requests that are materialistic and not eternal. God doesn’t promise to be faithful in giving us a new car or a new job. But he is faithful in caring for us in the way that’s best for us.
Today I hope as you start a new week that God shows you his faithfulness. I hope you can see it in the sunrise or sunset. I hope you can see it in the smile on your children’s faces or the laughter of a loved one. I hope you can see it in the roof over your head, even if it’s not the roof you wanted. I hope you can see it by the people who care for you.
God is faithful and all we have to do is look with a little intentionality and we’ll see it.
