There are times in our lives when we just have this feeling that something is lacking or that you’re missing something? There are moments in our lives when we have a felt need that seems to overcome our focus. Now a felt need is distracting to say the least but a felt need isn’t exactly the most important issue.
This week I want to differentiate between felt needs and real needs. Felt needs are surface level things at best. They are the itch that we just need to scratch. Felt needs are generally tangible but sometimes are relational or social. Merely dealing with a felt need is like scratching poison ivy thinking it’s going to get better. It does NOT! I can assure you!
Real needs, or the need beneath the felt need, is what really needs addressed. When we deal with the real issue, not only will the felt need be handled in the moment but we’ll also set ourselves up to not have the same need again. Think about the poison ivy thing again. If all we do is scratch it, it won’t get any better. But if we deal with the underlying problem, the reaction our body is having to the oils in the plant, then not only will it stop itching but it will also dry up and not come back.
In our lives we try to scratch the itch associated with our financial needs, physical needs, emotional needs, social needs, and relational needs. But focusing merely on the tangible and temporary fixes to these needs will only leave us right back where we started days, weeks, or months down the road and the cycle repeats itself.
As a follower in Jesus, we should live like Jesus is the answer to the question we’re not even asking. We follow Jesus expecting him to meet our financial and social and other felt needs when he really isn’t into meeting those needs. Jesus wants to meet the real need underlying all of these and when we come to him as the one who can really drive to the heart of all we need and desire then we’ll find greater fulfillment in life’s everyday moments.
There’s a song that reminds me of this so it will be our Music Monday this week. Check out God Shaped Hole by Plumb. It’s a little dated but it’s still a good message we need to hear from time to time.
So I’ve been doing a little thinking lately (can you smell brain cells burning?). I’ve been thinking about friendships and what it takes to be a good friend. I really didn’t think about writing anything about this because, well to be honest, I don’t consider myself a super friendly person. It’s not that friendship isn’t important to me but it seems in life friendships come and go based on preference and time. But perhaps it’s because we don’t really understand how friendship works at its core.
I believe that many friendships are internally focused. We kind of ask the whole what’s in it for me kind of question when it comes to friendships. But that’s really not what friendships are about. Friendships are not about me but about the other person. If we’re asking the me questions then we have the wrong focus. And I fear that we have an improper focus in a lot of areas.
So if friendships aren’t about me then what are they about? The other person!
We enter friendships with questions like why don’t they do things how I want? or I don’t like it when they tell me that truth, even though it’s truth, because it hurts my feelings.
I recently ran across an article titled 7 Tips for Being a Good Friend. It had some pretty golden points in it. I’ve linked the article here, but below are the 30,000 foot view of those points. By all means follow the link to check out the full article.
Face to Face is Best – we live in a tech savvy world and often prefer text and social media to actual contact but when it comes to friendships in person is always the best option.
Establish Rhythms – when our friendships are not intentional they’ll easily dissolve into something unhealthy and eventually just fade away.
Ask Deeper Questions – friendships sometimes deal in some pretty surface level stuff, but a lasting friendship will go deeper to what’s behind the obvious.
Be Affirming – there’s nothing better than to have someone who’s opinion you value give you some affirming feedback. Give and receive this affirmation well.
Get Away Together – so this might be a little more challenging in some circles but taking a friend-cation might be a fun thing to do to deepen and grow your existing friendships.
Be Early Stay Late – one challenge the last 18 months has brought us is a lack of connection at church. So when it comes to worship, show up 15 minutes early and don’t bolt when it’s over. Instead stick around and strike up conversations with people you care about.
Dig Deeper with Discipleship – So for those of us who are Jesus followers taking a friendship to the next level will happen only when we bring Jesus into the middle of that friendship.
While this list is likely not exhaustive, nor will it fit all friendship circles, there is certainly some friendship gold in here for all of us. I have some friendships that don’t do all of these things, but the biggest part of friendship is being present in the moment.
Finally, if you and your friend don’t see eye to eye on something, it doesn’t mean you have to disown them. You can be friends with people with whom you don’t agree. Have some robust conversations. Engage in dialogue. Listen well. Be there for them. Most of all be kind it goes a long way in a world that’s void of kindness.
I’m not sure if you’ve realized it or not but I think people are a tad more on edge these days. So maybe I’m stating the obvious here. But I’ve noticed in my own life that things that are minor irritations tend to irritate me more than they should, and things that shouldn’t be a problem at all are all of a sudden a problem. And I know it’s not just me. I see people nearly everyday who are struggling with the same thing.
The neighbor’s dog gets out the door without him catching it and it’s like the worst thing in the world. A child doesn’t listen like they should and mom gets all bent out of shape. You’re not feeling well and you think you’re dying. A friend tells you a hard truth and you just can’t handle it so you lash out in defensive anger.
There are a million things going on in our lives right now that are hard to handle. And what makes it worse is that we’re running in high gear nearly all the time now. Our work is now virtual which means we feel like we have to check our email after supper. We have access to our calendar and contacts at all hours of day and night including weekends and we think if we’re not on then we’re no enough.
And while we’re running at full speed, we’re also running on empty. We aren’t sleeping as good as we used to. We’re stressed about jobs, finances, health, children’s education, family matters and the list goes on. We just can’t seem to get ahead. And what’s worse is we don’t think we can get help. We live in a world that demonizes mental struggles as if they’re a sign of weakness or like we’ve done something wrong.
Look my family all wears glasses, well all of them but me. Does that mean they’re all weak people? If you can’t see clearly, you’re very likely to go to the eye doctor and get an exam and even get something to help you see better. If you can’t hear you’ll get a hearing assist device. If you can’t walk, a cane or walker or crutch is always an option.
So why is it that when we have a struggle with our emotional or mental health we just don’t think we can get help? I want you to hear very clearly that your mental health is your health. If you’re emotionally or mentally wiped out, exhausted, struggling there is absolutely no shame in getting the equivalent of a pair of glasses for your mental health.
You can be the strongest person in the world, with seemingly everything going for you and still be empty emotionally and struggling mentally. Friends we need to find people in whom we can confide. People who can help us carry our burdens of mind, body and spirit. Everyone needs at least one trusted person in whom they can confide. Someone they can share their struggles with and honestly be vulnerable.
It’s not a weakness to admit you’re having a hard time. It’s not a weakness to wear glass or take a treatment for diabetes. Take care of yourselves friends. Find someone you can trust and share life with them because your mental health is real health.
Please note: if you’re struggling with mental health related issues and need emergency care, call your emergency care provider immediately. There are also agencies devoted to assisting you manage and navigate the many mental health challenges that we’re all facing at one level or another these days.
Reform seems to be the latest craze in our culture. There have been cries from every corner of society calling for a reform of how we do what we do. We’ve largely been doing life the same way for years, decades even! It seems we’ve been living by the old adage that states if it isn’t broke don’t fix it. But what happens when the system is broken and we don’t realize it? What happens when we’ve missed the boat and don’t even know that we’re standing on a bridge that doesn’t really have a purpose anymore?
Now I’m not going to tackle all of the societal things that need fixing, because that would be pointless, too time consuming, and honestly likely divisive. But I would like to take a look at one part of culture and be honest about where some change is needed and why. Some of you are going to agree and others will disagree, and frankly that’s your right.
My grandfather used to say that our world is going to hell in a hand basket and his self prescribed fix was to go back to a better time. He thought that our best times were behind us. He thought that the previous way of doing things was the only way to do things. It seems that many in our world have a very similar approach. We either cling to the way they were or the way they are and aren’t willing to see life for what it could be.
This post is intended to spur some thought and conversation with you and those around you about who we are and who we’re called to be. Because I truly believe that by and large we are not living the lives we’ve been called to live.
In my estimation the institutional church is doing this very thing – clinging to a way of doing things that is largely ineffective because it was designed for a different time. Now before you get your pants in a bunch and go all he’s a heretic on me, read on and I’ll try to explain.
What I’m NOT saying
I know that some of you have formed your opinions already because you heard something that I didn’t say, so let me clear that one up right now. I did NOT say we need to change the message. The message is the only thing we know is right. If we’re teaching the message of the bible, then we’re standing on solid footing. I’m not saying that we need to bail on all of our traditions and deny our past. That would be just as dangerous as trying to erase history because we don’t like what it said or represented. We’ll just end up falling back into old habits if we do that.
The Problem
So the problem, as I see it, is that we’re clinging to systems and ways of doing things that fit a time that no longer exists. We’re living as though the Blue Laws still exist. For those of you unaware of Blue Laws, it was when many activities and businesses were not allowed to be opened on Sundays. Basically, church was the only thing to do on Sundays which is why nearly all of church activities happen on Sundays even to this day!
But that’s just not the case anymore. Hardly anything is closed on Sundays, yet Sunday is the day when most of our work and service happens in the church. What’s worse is the church is grinding her teeth complaining that culture is moving away from what we have to offer. We grumble that we need to go back to a simpler time when Sundays were sacred. What if Sunday isn’t the problem or the answer? What if this whole idea of a day of rest isn’t tied to Sunday or even Saturday but tied to whatever day you can find to rest on a regular basis?
It’s not just the day of the week that we struggle with either. We have largely been clinging to methods of learning and teaching that are quite old school. Much of our Sunday programming revolves around lecturing at a learner. But is this the best approach? Is this even a biblical approach?
Finally, our focus has moved from mission to maintenance. I’m part of a church body that in my mind has a great foundation of belief. I willingly ascribe to this identity of what I believe and how it impacts my understanding of life. But what happens when the confessional identity becomes the point over the mission of the kingdom? What happens when making people look like us becomes more important that helping people see the reality of who Jesus is? What happens when, as a church body, we’re more concerned with butts in seats in our membership classes than lives transformed by the gospel as individuals connect with one another on mission in their daily lives?
What happens? Simple – the institution gets off course and loses ground. The message gets disregarded because it doesn’t match up to the new perceived mission of self preservation.
I have to be honest here I’m getting a bit frustrated as I look into the world and hear well meaning Christians talk about the church as if the church is there to serve her members. Since when is the church about those on the inside? Since when did the church lose her identity like this? If you’re part of a church and you’re concerned more about what you gain from it personally than you are taking the truths learned into the world and sharing them those around you, then perhaps a reformation is needed in you as well.
The Reformation that happened in the 1500s was about reforming the people’s mindset of being part of the church. The reformation that’s needed today is about reforming the church’s mindset on what it means to be on mission. If you wnat to know what the chruch should be about, then read Jesus’ own words. I came to seek and to save the lost. (Luke 19:10) Then in John 14 Jesus says, the things I do you also shall do. If we’re supposed to be about what Jesus was about, and Jesus was about seeking those far from God and introducing them to God, then why do we care more about introducing them to church than to Jesus?
The church doesn’t save people. The church SHOULD be pointing people to the only source of salvation, namely Jesus. While there is only one way to the Father and that’s through Jesus, the institutional church that’s bent on membership more than mission isn’t the only way to Jesus.
It’s time for a reformation. Not in someone else. Not in someone else’s church tradition. The reformation needs to start in you and in me.
If you knew me growing up, you would have probably pegged me as a cautious, backward, quiet person who was anything but a risk taker. And to be honest, you’d be completely correct. And to a large part I feel that I am still some of these things.
While I’m not quiet anymore by any stretch of the imagination and pretty much the obvious of backward, I’ve been wrestling with the idea of risk. Do I take enough risks in my life? Am I really doing anything that would be measured as stepping out in faith and doing something that in any way could come back and bite me in the backside? Am I risking losing something to gain something far greater?
I’m reminded of a story in the Bible about a man who left sums of money to three of his workers. Each of them were given different amounts and each of them reacted differently to the money they were given. They knew their boss was a harsh man and that he was shrewd in his business dealings and this informed how they were going to react.
One man took some big risks and ended up doubling his money. It doesn’t say exactly what he did but he didn’t just throw it in the bank. And the second guy who started with about half what the first guy did had the same result. These two men understood the character of their boss and took some significant risks. They could have lost it all and that might not have had the same ending!
The third guy however had the smallest amount to start with and ended up just hiding the money and simple returning it when the boss returned. No less than he was given and no more either. He didn’t take a risk at all. He just buried it. The boss was livid because he saw that as a total waste of time and effort. The man could have at a minimum put the money in the bank and drawn some form of interest!
I think about my life and I wonder if I’ve really done anything that was risky? I don’t really know if I can answer that but I have an uneasy feeling lately that says more needs to be done. I just keep having this overwhelming feeling that God’s given me some form of a gift and that while I’m faithfully using it. I’m not sure I’m doing anything more than playing it safe and investing it. There’s nothing wrong with the work being done or the results of the work being done, but the times in which we’re living mean just enough isn’t really enough anymore. More has to be done. A greater risk has to be taken to live out the calling God has placed on my life. It’s time to stop burying the gifts I’ve been given. It’s time to stop merely investing them. It’s time to risk it all.
I don’t know what that looks like in your context by any means. Shoot I don’t really even know what that looks like in my own context! I just know that the time is now for me as a follower of Jesus and a pastor to do more. It’s time for the church to do more. It’s time to stop burying the talent, or even just investing it. It’s time to take some calculated risks for the sake of the Kingdom.
I had the chance to drive to Cleveland today to attend a meeting. The drive was nothing spectacular by any means, but I did notice something while I was driving. There weren’t any clouds. Or if there were I couldn’t see them. And honestly I miss clouds. I know that sounds strange and I assure you that I never was the kind of guy to lay in the grass imagining that the clouds looked like unicorns or something like that. To me that’s nonsense! But there is something strangely comforting about clouds.
You see clouds are reminders of so many wonderful things. They’re reminders that we’re cared for and loved. They serve as reminders of promises woven into the very fabric of our lives and so often we don’t even see it.
On my drive north the clouds were buried behind the layer of hanging smoke that has blanketed much of the skyline recently. The wildfires burning in the west have caused this heavy shield preventing the fullness of the sun to shine through and putting a translucent layer beneath the clouds.
While some may think this idea is a tad silly I find there to be something special about clouds. Seeing the white puffy clouds freely floating around the crisp blue sky is a bit comforting to me. Knowing that the clouds floating above me are in some form or fashion visible to people I care about who are not near me is a great reminder of how vastly connected we are in this world. Even when we’re far apart and wanting to distance ourselves from everyone in life, we can’t escape the reality that we all are connected no matter how far we run or how much distance is between us.
In addition to this reality, clouds also serve a purpose in scripture. If you remember anything from the Old Testament, you might recall the presence of God being found in clouds. God went before the Israelite people in the form of clouds by day and his presence filled the temple in the form of a cloud.
Maybe clouds don’t mean anything to you, but to me they’re great reminders about God’s presence in our lives and our connection to one another. Sometimes these reminders are found in the simplest things.
Living in Central Ohio something most parents will do at least once in their children’s younger years is go to COSI. COSI stands for Center of Science and Industry. It’s one of those cool hands on museums for children (children of all ages)! When you walk into the main entry of COSI, you’re met by a huge pendulum. Well at least you used to be, admittedly I haven’t been there for years but it used to be there.
The pendulum was a super cool focal point when you first enter the facility. The pendulum from my understanding swings continually and never stops. This is due in large part to the length of the cable, weight and symmetry of the bob at the end of the cable, and an electromagnet near the top of the cable. The pendulum will swing back and forth continuously day and night. The really cool part is that when the earth rotates around its axis, the pendulum stays swinging in the same plane. So while it looks like the pendulum is rotating, really the earth is rotating under the pendulum.
At any rate, the pendulum is smooth in its transition back and forth. The cycle is unbroken. Forward, backward, forward, backward. The rhythm is soothing and somehow comforting in its stability and predictability.
Now I want you to try to imagine your life kind of like that pendulum. Imagine for a minute the cycles that your life goes through. There are cycles in our lives that repeat themselves over and over again. These cycles can be called a lot of different things and they apply to just about every scenario in which we find ourselves. There are work – rest cycles, or peace – chaos cycles, health – illness, energy – exhaustion cycles. Each of these will run back and forth on the pendulum of life.
The challenge for us as we swing through these cycles, aside from not getting sick from the back and forth, is to cherish each position along the swing of the pendulum. There are generally four things that happen along this pendulum. We go from rest to change to growth to great productivity. The more we fight this naturally swinging pendulum the shorter the gap between our work and our rest. The more we fight living out our calling as followers of Christ in our given stations in life, the more we’ll settle for mindless work that simply drains us.
The more we fight our times of rest, the less restful they become. The more we just do busy work because we feel we should be doing something, the less fulfilling it is and the more tired it makes us. The sweet spot in life is when we can rest while we’re working. We’ve narrowed the view of rest to the point that it becomes impossible to anything other than sit with our butt in the sand at the beach or curled up to a good book on a rainy day.
But when we truly find the pendulum balance in life, we quickly realize that rest can actually be found in doing the work we were called to do. We can work through our rest and rest in our work. There will be times when we need to pull away and rest and times when we need to sink ourselves into a task to accomplish it. But the majority of the time we can maintain a perfect swing through life finding rest in the purposeful work we’ve been created to do.
So cherish the swing. Be like a kid again and swing from rest to work making stops at change and growth along the way. Change is good. Growth is good but neither are easy. We need to be diligent in our working and intentional about our resting to get the most out of the change and growth portions of our swinging pendulum.
Enjoy swinging my friends. It’s the only way to live.
There’s a Bible verse that talks about the greatest love being one that’s willing to self-sacrifice for the sake of others. This verse obviously talks about Jesus and his sacrificial love for us. But I really think that we can sometimes see a closely linked version of this love in our worldly relationships as well.
What does it mean to lay down one’s life for his friends?
The bible verse states that greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. This is found in John 15:13 for those of you who’d like to look at the context. In its context and admittedly the intended meaning this passage is stating that Jesus is the perfect example of God’s love for humanity. He would literally lay down his life, give it up, trade it so that we would experience a secure future. That’s love.
But could there be something more to it? Can you demonstrate this same kind of lay down your life kind of love without dying? I believe it is possible and providing this love hurts just as bad.
Take for instance there’s something you want to do, probably more than anything. You’ve dreamed of this since you were a child. The time never seems right so you keep pushing it back but never stop thinking about it. Then one day the cards line up so that you can move toward that dream. One step after another it seems like this might be your chance. Your life’s dream is less fuzzy than ever. You can almost touch it, it’s so close to becoming reality.
But one day you receive news that causes you to pause. You could move forward with your dream and potentially cause confusion and turmoil in relationships around you. Or you could give up your dream to better serve your friends.
Great love doesn’t just mean dying physically, but sometimes it entails dying to yourself and your passions. It means sacrificing your wants and dreams and even your happiness so that someone else’s life isn’t impacted.
The greatest love was demonstrated when Jesus gave up his whole life for us. When we give up a piece of ourselves for someone else, we demonstrate that same kind of love to the world around us. Be the love you wish someone showed to you. And if someone loves you like this, recognize it for what it is.
Hold the line! I can hear this echoed in movie after movie. Whether Braveheart or one of the Marvel movies, hold the line is a reference to battle where everyone stays put and does not let anything through. Hold the line can by and large be seen as a defensive methodology. But simply holding the line is never the end goal. At jsut the right time, advancement is key. No military worth its weight will simply hold the line. They’ll advance. They’ll overtake. They’ll move forward and slowly, methodically, effectively overtake the enemy’s advancements.
Unfortunately it seems the church has for many years now taken a hold the line approach to ministry. We’ve grown largely comfortable simply holding the line. We’ve circled our wagons to protect the weaker ones in our gathering. We’ve protected our buildings and our programs, our staff and our families. But is that really the right way? Is that even biblical?
If we’re at all honest with ourselves, it will be very clear that Jesus never said Hold the line. He never said protect your buildings and programs. He never said cower in fear because you might lose your job or hurt someone’s feelings by telling them what you believe. Holding the line should not be our plan. It wasn’t Jesus’ plan and it certainly should not be ours either.
By simply holding the line we’ve given up a significant part of our identity as church. There are some in church-topia who are called evangelical. An evangelical church is one that identifies with the commission of Jesus to share the gospel. It’s kind of where we get our idea of evangelism. You can see how the two words are very similar. But when we circle our wagons and hold these biblical truths to ourselves, we lose this evangelical portion of our identity.
Jesus wasn’t joking when he said that he came to seek and to save the lost. This wasn’t a derogatory claim about people who saw life differently. It was an honest assessment that without Christ who is the way you are left without a way, therefore you are lost when it comes to eternal salvation. I don’t want to get all end of the world, book of revelation on you here but we’re living in a time that is unlike anything we’ve experienced before. Sure there are similarities to previous generations but due to population density and technology advancements, we’re moving faster than ever. And that movement is largely away from the way.
So the longer we try to hold the line the more ground we’re going to lose. The evangelical church across the country and likely around the world, is losing credibility. We’re losing ground because we stopped doing what was inherent to our DNA. An evangelical church is to be about the gospel, but the church today is more concerned with tradition, politics, social justice matters, buildings, programs, styles of music and dress code than the gospel. None of these things are wrong and the church definitely needs to take a stand in some of these arenas, but we must never step off of our primary identity as proclaimers of the gospel.
The gospel, for those of you that don’t know, is the truth that there is no other way to salvation than through Jesus Christ. It’s the harsh, for some, reality that Jesus lived, died and rose and went through what we deserved. The gospel is that on our own we can do good things like help our neighbor with their lawn but we’ll never do anything of lasting value in someone’s life. The gospel is that Jesus did for you what you could never do for yourself and that apart from him we all are lost.
If the church today wants to be relevant in society. If we want to have credibility in our communities, then we need to get back to who we are at our core. We must step back onto the Bible as our sole source and norm for all that we teach and confess. We must stop circling our wagons. The time to stop holding the line is now. We must advance into this world with the power of the gospel, the life-changing, sinner freeing, eternity unlocking gospel.
If you don’t know this gospel message, then by all means reach out. I’d love to share it with you! If you do know this gospel message, then who are you going to share it with today (not tomorrow but today)! The world is in desperate need of what you have to offer. It’s time to release the line. The time is now!
If you’re a linear thinker then you like the idea of time being a very neat and tidy concept. We have seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years…you get the point. Linear thinking is how we live most of our lives going from task to meeting to appointment. But there are moments in our lives when something interrupts the flow of time. These can be frightening and yet exhilarating moments! It just depends how we respond to them.
One can see a timeline and consider it to be chronological in nature, going from set point to set point through a series of life circumstances. But the interruption in time doesn’t work this same way. There’s another word for this and it comes from the Greek word Kairos. It’s basically a cycle in time that will send our lives out on a potentially new trajectory.
Think of one of these Kairos moments as a loop in the middle of the timeline.
The drawing above is simple but it gets the point across. We go through life nearly on autopilot. Then a moment in our life takes us by surprise. Maybe it’s a death of a love one, new job, catastrophe, birth of a child, illness, win the lottery – who knows but it can be a good surprise or a bad surprise. The idea is that it takes your breath away and has the potential to alter your way of thinking.
When one of these moments happens we can basically have two responses. The first is to ignore it as if nothing happened at all. The second is to go through an evaluation process to learn what you can while the event is still fresh.
If you notice on the right side of the circle, you’ll see the word reflect. This is when we ask some questions. What happened? What emotions am I wrestling with? Who around me can I talk to about this?
This side of the circle is powerful and essential. This helps us process what’s going on. It’s about chance to admit that we could and probably should come out of this thing differently. The only problem is this is where most of us stop in the cycle. But there’s a whole other side that can really make this worthwhile.
The left half of the circle is about response. This is when we actually do something with what we learned through our evaluation and processing. If we just process and never act, we’ll get nowhere. In this side of the circle, as we make our way back to the timeline, we make a plan for how to implement change. We find the people in our lives who can come alongside us and hold us accountable to actually do what we commit to doing. And finally we determine check in moments to assure that we’re following through.
Now the really cool part of this circle is what happens when we reemerge back into our normal routine. Often the learning of the circle, from the pausing to the planning and implementing, will move us in a slightly new direction. It’s like riding a bike. When we learned to ride bikes as kids, we were able to go places faster than we could without a bike. In this case, when we learn the value of these interruptions in time, we’ll be able to get places we couldn’t have gone living in the monotony of a chronological existence.
So the long and short is be on the look out for interruptions to your day. Not all of these interruptions are bad. As a matter of fact, one of them might send you on a new path to a God ordained destination. Happy time hunting!
