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Where Did They Go?

August 1, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I’ll be the first to admit it. It can be a tad irritating at times. Some people have seemingly fallen off the map in the past couple of years. I wonder frequently where did “so and so” go? But I wonder if that’s the best take on things…

So before I get too far into this, let me reassure you that this is in no way a slam on anyone who’s moved on. It’s not about any one person in particular actually. And this is not about the person who hasn’t reconnected yet either. This is about those who seem to focus more on the one(s) who’ve gone and not returned than we focus on the one(s) who are right there with us still.

I have the opportunity in my job to work with a lot of churches, but this doesn’t only apply to churches! One common thread in many of my conversations with pastors and church leaders revolves around those people who left during the uncertainty of the pandemic and just haven’t returned. It’s a condition that many institutions and groups are facing actually. Once active and heavily engaged individuals just disappearing without so much as an email, phone call or text message.

It’s hard to see this for anyone and even worse when some of these people who’ve just flat vanished are close friends. But I have a feeling our focus in this whole situation is a bit off.

I was talking with a church recently about this very issue. Where have they gone? Why are they not back yet? We need to get them to reconnect. How do we do attract them to come back again?

While I totally understand this way of thinking. And I’ve even thought it myself a few times, this is not the healthiest or even most beneficial way of thinking. I’m curious have we started to focus so much on the ones who are not back that we’ve disregarded the ones who are right there in front of us?

I fear the answer to this question is yes. I believe that our desire to have these missing faces back and re-engaged in the group has caused us to neglect and even ignore those who are willing, able and ready to serve.

Specifically to church leaders: if you want to re-engage those who’ve walked away start with the ones who are still involved. Get them excited about ministry. Share the work of the church with them. The Bible tells us that we’re supposed to equip the saints for works of ministry. But all too often we gather them together and make them watch us do ministry then complain when they leave because they’re bored.

In one of the many books I’ve read recently, I found a principle for moving an organization or group of people. I think it was in the book Tipping Point, but can’t be certain. The idea is basically that focusing on the late adopters (or those who’ve disconnected and refuse to reconnect) is fruitless, painful and exhausting. It yields very little by way of positive results. The author suggests to pour into the ones who are early to middle adopters, those who are right there already doing the work or at minimum watching it being done.

When these current workers and watchers get going and get excited, there will be a trickle down effect to the rest of the organization. So the long and short is that it’s not bad to miss those who’ve gone, but they can’t be the focus. If we focus on those who are right there with us even half as much as we do those who are gone, we’d be shocked how exciting life in any organization can truly be.

What’s Our Purpose?

July 25, 2022 / / 0 Comments

It’s really no secret what I do for a living. I’m a pastor of a church in a small town in north central Ohio. As a pastor I’ve seen many amazing and wonderful things, witnessed significant challenges, walked with people through some dark moments, sat with people in their sadness, challenged people when their witness and lifestyle weren’t matching one another and lost some friends in the process. But with all of these seemingly varied activities with the wide range of emotions attached to them, what are we really here to do anyway? What is the purpose for our calling?

As followers of Jesus, as churches, and as gatherings of Christians what is our end goal?

I feel that for many in this world, the end goal has shifted and we’ve started to major in the minors so to speak. This means that we’ve made a big deal out of little things and a lesser deal out of bigger things. What follows is my honest, heartfelt assessment of some of the things we are missing the point on altogether.

One of my favorite things that Jesus never said but we pretend he did is spur one another on toward perfect attendance and passive observation.

When speaking of why the church exists and what we’re supposed to do as we gather, the Bible teaches that we’re to spur one another on toward love and good works not worship attendance. Jesus is far more concerned with how we live out what we say than he is how often we sit in our assigned seat at church. But for so many churches it seems as if we care more about how many are seated and less about how many are sent (more on that later).

The emphasis of the church should be to equip the saints, that’s the believers gathered, for works of service. But how often does that really happen? When we care more about attendance than actual participation and ownership of ministry life, we do a grave disservice to the gospel. If we’re truly supposed to spur one another on toward love and good works and to equip one another for works of service, then we have a long way to go.

These things really don’t take place in the corporate worship setting. Now, as I say often, don’t get your undies in a bunch! I am in NO way saying to throw corporate worship out the window. What I am saying is that we can’t put all of our proverbial eggs in the worship basket. And that seems exactly what the church is doing more and more of lately. So shifting our thinking from mere gathering to actually engaging in works of ministry together is critical as we move through some unsettled times in church history. But how do we do that?

One of those silly church cliches is that we need to focus more on sending capacity and less on seating capacity. But no matter how cheesy that is, there is massive truth in it! The more we focus on numbers in worship and who’s here and who isn’t here, the less we see what Jesus really called us to be. And the less we see what he is already doing in our midst.

Now don’t use this as a license to not participate in worship! The Bible also says that we should want to come and worship. We should not neglect coming together! As a matter of fact the more we grow in our service and sending natures, the more powerful our desire to be in worship. And the more we really are present in worship, the more desire we have to be serving and being sent. It’s a cool cycle where one feeds the other. Not being a part of a worship gathering is the result of not being sold out on the heart of being a follower of Jesus. And not allowing yourself to be sent out is a result of not being transformed by the message of Scripture.

We must have both and approach to ministry together. We need to meet together. So invite one another to join for worship, bible study, small groups, fellowship gatherings, outings of all sorts! But don’t stop there…take those worship moments, bible study or small groups and do acts of service. Encourage one another in how they serve. Move one another out of their comfort zones to do something significant in someone’s life that forces them to rely on God.

What’s our purpose? Sure our purpose is to worship, but it’s so much more than that. If all we do is worship, we miss a huge part of what it means to be the body of Christ! If all we do is serve, we miss what it means to find real rest and healing at the feet of Jesus. We need both!

The Missing Generation?

July 21, 2022 / / 0 Comments

So there’s this thing that’s making the rounds in the church world that there is a whole generation of young people that are missing out on something in the church. I think that’s kind of bogus, but I guess you can believe what you want on that topic. If you stick around for a few minutes here I’d like to explain why I think this metric is bunk and what we can do to change the perception a bit.

For starters I wonder if we’re looking at things wrongly? I mean what qualifies a missing generation? Does it mean no one from that generation is at all engaged? Does it mean they’re not in worship? Has this generation told us they want nothing to do with us? And really the important question in my mind is are they really missing or are we just missing them?

You see the problem, as I see it, isn’t that they’re missing. These high school, college and post college young people aren’t necessarily absent from the ways of Jesus. They’re just not in our buildings the way we would hope. They don’t function like previous generations functioned. But is that really a bad thing?

I’ve talked in many settings before about our metrics being off and measuring things that really aren’t the best sets of measurements. What if we’re seeing an entire generation actually care more about doing the things of Jesus instead of sitting around and only learning about the ways of Jesus?

What I’ve experienced in my context is that these younger generations aren’t really all that caught up in sitting for 60-75 minutes to hear someone spout off cool ideals about Jesus only to go home. And the way our current system is designed, that’s pretty much what a Sunday morning feels like to some. The congregation is for the majority passively observing. There’s little room for engagement around the truths of Jesus. Then we send people home to figure it out or live your life so you can come back next week for another shot in the arm of our tradition and teachings.

Can we shift our focus? Is it possible to remain true to our understanding of the Bible along with our confessional practices and move from doing ministry to this generation to doing ministry with this generation. It’s all about including them in the works of ministry. And yes it’s actually biblical!

The idea that we are to curate believers who passively sit and watch a show on a Sunday is not only off-putting but frankly it has no grounding in scripture whatsoever! The early church was dynamic and moving. It was about gathering to learn and grow and be challenged just as much as it was about going out to love and serve and give to our neighbors in need. We talk a big game but when it comes to actually putting our boots on the ground, we get a little lazy to put it mildly.

I really believe we need to shift our thinking from merely counting people in attendance to including them in acts of ministry for the sake of the world around us. When we do this, we’ll realize that this generation is not lost after-all. As a matter of fact, they’re likely doing this stuff without us at best. But even at worst they’re sitting back waiting for us to do something of some relevance to the people we say we are to love in Jesus’ name.

Now don’t get all freaked out about the word relevance. The gospel is relevant. Jesus is relevant. Nothing we can do will change that at all. But the church as an institution and even as a people have become less relevant because it sure appears all we care about sometimes are boards, budgets and butts in seats.

You want to find the lost generation? Do something that serves, loves and gives to the marginalized in your community and you’re guaranteed to find them, hiding in plain sight, where we’ve refused to look.

How Then Shall We Pray – LCMSYG 2022

July 14, 2022 / / 3 Comments

There seems to be a little controversy in some circles about how one does things as a follower of Jesus. This idea is striking to me! I can’t believe that in the year 2022 we have to squabble about how we pray, the words we use, the posture we employ. I thought this was something Jesus took care of nearly 2000 years ago. But alas here we are finding every reason under the sun to belittle those who do things differently than we do them.

NO Jesus did not directly address how one is to pray or the style of worship we employ. That’s not what I’m saying. But Jesus did address making the methods more important than the Messiah. When we elevate the way we pray, for instance, over the One to whom we pray, we’ve gravely missed the point! When we care more about whether hands are folded or raised than we do about the words spoken or to whom they’re spoken, perhaps the problem is with our understanding of who Jesus was/is.

This week marks the end of a week of something our denomination calls the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod Youth Gathering, or LCMSYG for short. The event brought nearly 20,000 young people from around the world to Houston in some of the hottest days of the summer to hear the Bible explained, to learn about the size of the body of Christ within our particular confession, and to serve the community with tangible acts of love (among many other things they did).

I’m stunned by the absolute lack of respect and love for Christ and one another that has been expressed by some who did NOT EVEN ATTEND the event. From the comfort of their offices, couches or other safety nets, they’ve lobbed bombs of the “should have, would have, could have” variety. I’ve seen statements taken out of context. People’s characters attacked. And intentions viewed as anything less than described in the 8th commandment. For those of you who have forgotten that one, in the explanation of Luther’s Small Catechism it says to put the best construction on everything.

I must say watching some of these threads has sickened me. Claiming that not folding hands is somehow the reason the church is struggling in the world today. Asserting that music not from the hymnal of synod is causing people to not understand who Jesus is clearly and is causing young people to leave the church. How can one pray without closing their eyes? What is that person doing on the stage? Why is the liturgy not part of that event?

Really? Are you joking?!

I will be the first to admit that I pray while driving, but I don’t close my eyes or fold my hands. Maybe I shouldn’t pray while driving you say. To that I remind you of Paul’s words to pray without ceasing. If we truly are to live a life of prayer, then we can’t seriously think we need to have folded hands all the time? Or was he just joking? Can you fold your hands and close your eyes in prayer? Of course you can! But do you have to? Negative ghost rider.

What about the whole idea that hands raised in worship or prayer is a sign of something less than Lutheran? Umm, says who? Says what section of the Bible or even where in our confessions does it say we have to fold hands or at minimum not raise them for it to be a true act of Lutheran Worship? Pretty sure there are Bible verses where people raised their hands for prayer and worship: Moses, Ezra, Job, David in the Psalms, Timothy to name a few that come to mind.

And one that people tend to find fault in me specifically is about how some of us dress. Do we have to wear a specific shirt or some other thing that sets us apart? Now this might be an unpopular opinion for some, but it is what it is. I know that it’s become tradition for some clergy to wear specific clothing that sets them apart and symbolizes who they are in relation to Christ and the people. I also know that there is a richness in that tradition that I definitely value. However, I also know that this tradition does not originate in the Bible. It actually came several hundred years after Jesus ascended. Don’t believe me do a little digging and you might be surprised where many of our “traditions” originated.

Here’s the thing. Do I agree with the way everyone does ministry within their local context? Nope sure don’t. But do I have the right to tell you that you have to do a specific thing to make sure that your worship is acceptable to God? Not a chance.

Jesus and Paul addressed this in their day with the idea of circumcision. There was this thought that without circumcision you just couldn’t really be a part of the people of God. Sounds a lot like saying without hands a certain way, specific shirts or other garments, without certain music or specific gestures you can’t be a real Lutheran. To these people, Jesus said that this was not the right answer. He told them that applying rules to man that are made by man as if they were from God was not even close to acceptable.

There seems to be an assumption that if a church uses songs not in the hymnal, then the people of that local congregation don’t really understand the truth and richness of worship. False. That’s a massive assumption that will not hold water at all. Perhaps the tradition of some goes a little deeper than days of Constantine when congregations were localized in buildings and pastors were brought in to lead those groups of people professionally. Perhaps some people’s traditions find their grounding not in the traditions of men but in the teachings of Jesus.

Please respect one another. Dividing a house over folded or raised hands and style of shirt or music is only going to do harm. If you don’t like it or don’t agree with it, then at minimum follow the methods clearly outlined in Jesus’ teachings and talk to the one with whom you’ve taken offense before blasting your opinion to the masses and belittling a person publicly.

Note: Yes I know this post is public. It’s intent is not to call into question one’s salvation, position before God, or the validity of their confession or worship. The point of this post is to just ask us all to pause and consider what’s more important our methods or the Messiah. And are the methods aiding in or preventing someone from seeing the Messiah? Honest, heartfelt, Kingdom focused conversations are often hard but essential. Let’s put our agenda aside and really evaluate what Jesus did and how he interacted with people who were totally not like him – and then He told us to come follow Me.

Never Give Up

July 13, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I was recently given a book titled Walk In My Combat Boots. It’s a collection of stories from men and women who have served in military service here in the United States. They are from all branches of the United States Military but they had a very common theme. Never give up.

No, they didn’t come right out and say that line. It’s not a quote from anything on the pages of this book, but each story contained a scenario that would have caused most humans at best to freeze in their tracks and give their calling a second thought. However on every page of this book are written the stories of the brave men and women who, even in the face of massive adversity and even probable death, didn’t want to throw in the towel. They wanted to get back to their job. They wanted to go back to the fight. They demanded to get back to their brothers and sisters in arms.

Now some of you are men and women who’ve served, so for you this is likely a part of your thought process still to this day. And for that service, I say thank you. I don’t know all you gave up, but as an Army dad I know in part what that sacrifice looks like in my own son.

But for the rest of us, who’ve never dawned the uniform from any branch of service, I think we’ve grown pretty weak. Ok not all of us but for sure a sweeping generalization that likely would hold water is that we’ve grown so used to our comforts that we’ve grown weak. Giving up is easier than persevering and we know it.

While it’s true that giving up is far easier than pushing through a problem, giving up will leave you empty and cost you far more than the struggle of persevering. The stories contained in this book deal with lost limbs and severely damaged nerves, emotionally torn men and women who should go home for rehab or sit on the sidelines and let someone else fight this one. But in every single account that was not the reaction of these brave men and women.

Put me back in coach! That’s essentially their call. They realized that giving up now would be giving up when they still have something left to offer.

I like to workout, that’s really no secret. And this theme of never give up has been one I’ve wrestled with over the years. Do I give up too soon? Do I have another set in me? Can I do that last pushup? It’s like the old children’s story The Little Engine That Could. When faced with an obstacle that seems insurmountable, what’s your go to mental state? Do you think you can? Or have you already defeated yourself before you even get started?

I think it was Eisenhower who is credit with the quote Whether think you can or you can’t either way you’re right. Ok so the quote is something along those lines. So often our attitude is a self fulfilling prophecy.

The short answer is to never give up. When you think you’re done, you likely have the capacity to do about 40% more. That means you’re quitting at just beyond half of your potential. Think about that the next time you’re ready to throw in the towel on mile 2 of a 5K run. That means you easily have the potential for that run and then some!

I understand that life is hard and that some situations are legit challenge. But throwing in the towel is not an option. Giving up is not the way to make it through.

Your challenge: do just one more. That’s it. Whatever you’re doing that makes you feel like you want to quit, go just one more. One more rep at the gym. One more mile on the treadmill. One more chapter in that book. Telling your child one more time the same exact thing. One more is all it takes to realize you have more in you than you gave yourself credit for all along.

Never give up! It’ll cost you far more if you give up than the pain of pushing through.

Now Why Would You Do That?

July 12, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I remember vividly the day I came home from school and told my parents that I wanted to be a pastor. I remember the look on their faces. I remember the curious looks in their eyes. I remember them voicing their questions about my choice. They didn’t doubt or try to change my mind by any means. They just seemed taken aback by the difference.

Think about it for a second. Most 6th grade boys don’t come home and tell their parents they want to be a pastor. Generally the job choice of a sixth grade boy is a firefighter, police officer, soldier in the military or something along those lines. But a pastor? Not very typical for sure!

I have to be clear here. My parents have been nothing short of supportive. They have walked alongside me throughout the entire journey of college and seminary (pastor school). They’ve traveled to visit me when I was doing my internship in Colorado. They were there for my first Sunday in the first church I was able to serve in Cincinnati. They’ve attended many services and even to this day drive nearly an hour to come and be a part of the church God has called me to today.

You see their question wasn’t a sign of disagreement. It was a question to make sure I was hearing correctly the call of God. I remember how they responded when I told them. Their response was the question Now why would you do that? We then embarked on a journey to talk about what a pastor did and how they lived and even a very high view of what they got paid.

I told my parents that I’m not doing it for the money. To which my dad replied Yeah but the retirement benefits are out of this world. If you don’t get the humor then you’re not a fan of dad jokes. Retirement for many pastors is when they die. Therefore retirement benefit is heaven. That was his point. So chuckle if you’d like.

Throughout my 20 years as a pastor I’ve tried to maintain one focus. I’ve tried to keep one thing in front of me all the time. I’m not perfect so I don’t do this perfectly either, however I still try daily to keep this focus.

Jesus is my reward. I know it might sound a tad cheesy and all that but a pastor’s salary isn’t always the highest paying job in the world. I remember leaving the car sales world and taking the call to serve where I am currently. My salary was cut in half. I went from a job where the harder I worked the more I made. The greater the hustle the higher the paycheck. To a salary that isn’t affected by the hours worked or the late nights away from family or the heartbreaking losses I see. But that isn’t the point.

Jesus is our reward. Not just for a pastor. Not just for me. But for all of us. When we go through life realizing that our reward isn’t here. Our paycheck, even if it isn’t enough to get all the things we desire, is not what God has in store for us. He cares about our daily needs but even more so he desires for us to know him and to realize just how much we’ve been loved by him.

One of the greatest dangers for pastors and church workers is to compare themselves and the ministry they lead to other churches who’ve seemingly become popular or successful. Doing this only takes your focus off of what is truly important, and in case you still don’t get it – that’s Jesus.

So whether you are president of your company or a custodial artist (aka janitor), Jesus is your greatest reward. Whether you’re raking in a six figure salary or you barely have two nickels to rub together, Jesus is your greatest reward. Whether you serve a congregation of thousands or you have three faithful families showing up every weekend, Jesus is your greatest reward. We need to change some of the metrics a bit to allow us to realize just how big Jesus as our reward truly is.

So why would you do that? Jesus is why we do that.

Would You Please Grow Up

July 11, 2022 / / 0 Comments

If you have a problem with someone, then tell them. Don’t blast it all over the internet. A keyboard warrior is not a strong person. And to be totally honest, if you have to belittle someone to make yourself feel better, then you’re really not as strong as you assume yourself to be.

Ok so I know I’m typing this on a blog and posting on social. And I know it seems this is contrary to the whole post but there’s a reason. The intent of this article is not to belittle anyone. It’s not to put anyone down. As a matter of fact the intent is to encourage a better way. Not my way. It’s the way we say we believe is right, but are we really living that way right now?

Alright so here’s the background for this post. As I type this there are 20,000 young people all from the larger church body to which I am affiliate gathering in Houston. They’re not there for a worship service. They’re not there to pretend to be a local expression of the church institution. They are there to grow in their knowledge of who Jesus is and along the way realize that they are not alone in this life of faith. They’re singing songs, going to Bible studies, and doing a lot of fun things. All of it in the sweltering heat of Houston.

But while they are doing the singing and growing and learning, there is a group of people who don’t really like this particular method of doing things. And they’re picking apart every little thing that’s happening. The titles used for breakout sessions, songs chosen and artists who wrote them, location choice, even speakers selected for the event. Finding fault in something you’re not attending isn’t in and of itself a problem, but when you feel the need to tear people down for doing something different than you we have a problem.

Here’s the deal if we are going to call ourselves Christians then we need to hold ourselves to the standards of Christ. But that’s not really how things are going. The standards of Christ must supersede our personal desires. And when we talk about the things about which we disagree we must make sure to follow a certain set of guidelines that we get from the Bible and some of our other defining resources.

  1. Primarily we need to talk to the person with whom we have a problem first. This means the burden is on us to find the people who we feel are in the wrong and make sure we understand what happened, address our concern and have a robust dialogue about it.
  2. We do not handle these things publicly. If someone does something that you feel is in the wrong, blasting it on the internet only exacerbates the problem and we get nowhere. Actually we devolve to something far lower than where we started.
  3. Do you know the context? This is a pet peeve of mine. If you’re going to isolate a line from something someone said then you just need to step away. Keep the line in context of what the whole message is. Often when we pull a line out of something someone says, we can make it say whatever we want. Not healthy. Not cool. Not of Jesus.
  4. Check your heart. It seems like in a world filled with keyboard warriors where everyone has the courage to call someone out as long as we don’t have to face them directly, we fall into the trap of exaggerating the case. Just make sure your heart and your intentions are right before you call someone up and have a heart to heart about what you feel.
  5. Don’t be a hypocrite. This one is everywhere. Do you hold someone else to a standard that you don’t apply to yourself? One of the issues some people have with what’s happening in Houston is that some of the songs were written by people that have made some unsavory choices. The solution in their mind is throw it all out. Ok using that same logic you better check your history books a bit. Where do many of the traditions you want the church to follow really come from? Hint: not the bible. Another hint: many are from secular places that were used to worship false idols and we threw Jesus in the mix and made it “holy.” Just be sure that you apply the same standard to yourself that you do to other people.

Look – I think the LCMS Youth Gathering is a fantastic opportunity to allow youth to come together to realize that in a world that seeks to divide the message of the good news of Jesus is there to bring us together. No we don’t all approach things the exact same way. No we don’t all have the same exact dialect and word choice. But I think if I read my Bible correctly, Jesus used current cultural examples and scenarios to talk about the Kingdom of God with people in his day. I’m pretty sure his examples today would use the same approach.

The long and short is simple. Don’t be a jerk. You don’t have to agree with everything that everyone does. YOu’re welcome to voice your concern. But for crying out loud if the church starts blasting its own people, then we should not be surprised when we are left alone leading a cult made up of just ourselves. Jesus called us to disciple people into a different kind of life. This means we should look different than those around us. This means we can do similar things but keep Christ at the core and the world will see the power of the gospel through our interactions. You don’t have to like it. But according to Jesus, you better get yourself right before you start picking at those who are a tad different than you.

I’ve decided to leave the facebook group that has become a keyboard warrior zone. It says it’s confessional but instead it’s just blasting those that don’t look like them. Pretty much acting like the very people Jesus called white washed tombs (people who pretend to have it right but inside are really messed up). It’s time to grow up and face the people you don’t agree with in an effort to understand better. Running away isn’t the answer. Putting them down isn’t the answer. Being a jerk on social media isn’t the answer. Putting the best construction on everything and loving people in Jesus’ name is the answer. So pretty much if i’m going to be blunt, like I normally am, it’s time to grow up and learn how to simply shut up if you can’t be at all constructive.

Everyone Has An F3

July 7, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Have you ever been in one of those situations where you had to make an immediate decision? One of those emergency type moments when you feel threatened or in danger? It’s in these moments that we have one of three typical reactions. We are pretty aware of the two most common: fight or flight. But the third one is pretty popular and equally important. Flee is the final F in the F3 triangle.

Knowing your F3 response is critical, not just in crazy cases like a zombie apocalypse or a terror attack, but it will help determine how you deal with conflict in general. When you’re called on in class and you don’t like to talk in front of people, your F3 will kick in immediately. When you’re cut off on the free way typically your F3 will take over. When your lost in an unfamiliar city while driving in rush hour, your F3 will default your behavior.

So what do each of these mean for how we react? It might seem like this should be simple knowledge but there are some nuances to each of these that are important.

We’ll start with my personal F3 category – Fight. This is the category that means when the stuff hits the fan, we generally come out swinging. Fight doesn’t just mean literally fighting, actually to the contrary most of the time it’s not a real fight at all. The fight response is one of a reaction. Those of us in this category will generally take fear and try to over compensate for a fear filled moment by becoming bigger than our fear. Fear is essential and dangerous at the same time, which is something we’ll cover in a future post.

The Fight F3 response sees any type of conflict as something that has to be managed, right away. The challenge with this mentality is that we often will shoot from the hip and tend to over react to a scenario we’re facing. If you’re a Fighter on the F3 scale, hit the pause button for a predetermined amount of time. Don’t fire back an email when someone angers you. Don’t react right away to something done to you. Take time to evaluate what type of response will yield the best possible results. Showing someone who’s boss in the moment might give you 60 seconds of satisfaction but in the process you can easily end up hurting someone who cares about you (and all because of what is likely a misunderstanding or overreaction).

The second F3 response is known as Flight. And it is pretty much what it sounds like – you run from the problem. Now don’t get me wrong each of these have their time and place and none of them are inherently wrong in and of themselves, but knowing your default will help you better manage how often you lean into each category. The Flight response means that when any kind of trouble arises you simply walk away, or run away depending on the intensity. And it’s not getting away to avoid unnecessary conflict, it’s running away because you’re too afraid to deal with the problem head on.

The Flight F3 response sees any type of conflict as something you need to avoid and you’ll go out of your way to get as far from it as possible. The challenge here is that in an effort to avoid any type of conflict or have a hard conversation with someone with whom you don’t agree or by whom you feel challenged, you’ll end up losing friendships and causing undue strife in a relationship. Your F3 Flight response could be the reason your circle grows smaller over the years.

Finally the third F3 response type is called Freeze and it means just what it says. When trouble arises the Freeze response makes you unable to move, sometimes literally. Freeze is what happens when you’re so flustered that you can’t make a decision. Your brain becomes so fogged over with what is happening around you that you can’t make a rational decision. So you instead of doing anything (fight or flight) you just do nothing. Literally nothing. This would be the equivalent of seeing a burning building with someone hanging from a window and you not thinking you have the skills to help so you just stand back and watch in terror. Now I’m not saying you should run into the house and put yourself in danger, although that’s what we Fight people would do. But there are other options like call for emergency help!

You see it’s not just the big hairy problems that manifest these F3 response types. It’s the everyday situations as well. We can see it in social media and even friendships in general. Someone says something you don’t like or their opinion doesn’t line up with your opinion so what do you do? Do you lash out at them and get angry? Do you essentially cancel them by walking away from the friendship altogether? Do you sit dumbfounded with no answer or thought at all? None of these are the right way to handle this type of situation and for certain they are not the Christian way to do it. All too often we let our F3 over rule our way of Jesus method of handling problems.

The point here is simply to make you aware of your default so you can better keep it under control. So whether you normally fight, flight or freeze you have the power to adjust your response if you hit the pause button and collect yourself before you lash out, run away or collapse in fear.

Would The REAL Men Please Stand Up

June 8, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I’m going to not apologize for what follows. I’m not going to apologize because this is my honest assessment of where we are in our world. I’m not going to apologize because I have the right to my opinion just like you have the right to yours. If you don’t agree, that’s totally fine. You’re welcome to form your opinions or reach out to have a robust conversation with me about my personal beliefs and thoughts.

Let’s set the stage. I believe that there are two kinds of people in this world: men and women. These are, in my mind, determined by the genetic make up of the individual. So for all of you science loving people out there, we’ll let science take the driver’s seat on this one. Males have a unique make up of genetic material, namely an “x” and a “y” chromosome that determine the male genetic make up. The female, on the other hand, is made up from two “x” chromosomes. There are many more things that go into the differences between males and females, not to mention the basic plumbing matters, but we’ll let you figure those out in your health classes.

So if there are two genders, namely male and female, how are these two genders to operate in an advanced society like the one in which we live?

This post will deal with the male gender and how we, as men, are to live in the world today. We’ll address the ladies in an upcoming post. So would the real men please stand up!

There are three basic stages of what it means to be a person of the male gender in this world. We’ll call them male-hood, boy-hood and man-hood. Let’s start with male-hood.

The first stage of being someone of this particular gender is really nothing we do. It’s something that is determined for us before we’re even born. It’s the genetic make up of the individual in their mother’s womb. This is the whole “XY” thing I referred to earlier. It deals with the plumbing and all the reproductive details that make a male able to provide the necessary contribution to pregnancy. So male hood isn’t something you do, it’s a marker of who you are as a…dude!

The second stage we’ll call boy-hood. This one is the fun stage for many of us. It deals with the boys and their toys mentality. It’s when we can take anything and make it into a battle field or construction site or weapon. It’s about making noises with our cars and jet engine sounds to match our GI Joe sets. Boy-hood is marked by selfishness however. Most of the time, as boys, we are solely focused on what we want. We want our toys. We want our food at a certain time. We want our new gadgets, new cars, new anything really. We want the biggest, loudest, flashiest things in life. We want the broken things that we can fix to give us a sense of accomplishment. Boys have little to no regard for responsibility. We live at home with no real cares in this world. Boy-hood isn’t marked by age alone because to be quite frank – I know many boys in the world today who happen to be of the age that they should be men but they care too much for themselves to really be called men.

The third stage here is what we call man-hood. This is when a boy realizes that life doesn’t revolve around him. It’s when he begins to put the needs of others before his own. It’s when he realizes that his girlfriend, or wife, is of greater importance than his car, job, home or hobbies. Being a man means we have to be willing to lose a toy or two if it means protecting and providing for those around us.

You see the problem as I see it is that men stopped caring about being men. Many men have become boys again and left their children and wives to handle what they were meant to handle. Men have stopped taking the lead in society, schools and politics. We’ve let the masses tell us what to do. We’ve forced our wives to deal with matters they are fully capable of dealing with but that they shouldn’t have to mess with at all! Ladies this is not a knock on you. You can do anything. I firmly believe that! But I also personally believe that men, if they’re really men and not boys dressing up as men, should be willing to do everything possible to make your lives easier.

In short men we are the reason our society is where it is. We are the reason chaos has enveloped our world. We’re to blame because we stopped standing up for what’s right. We stopped taking responsibility for our actions. We let the world tell us who we could be and what we were allowed to say. Men it’s time to stand up. Hold a door for a lady, not because she can’t hold it herself but because you value that woman as a part of society that deserves to have a door held for her. Men be willing to give up a little something to let those around you know they are valued and loved and cared for in this world. It’s your job and mine to do the hard things so those around us can thrive. Enough of this merely surviving life crap. It’s time to make sure those around us thrive in life, and it starts by putting our childish ways behind us and being the men we were called to be.

Man up guys! Now is the time.

Moving The Sticks

June 7, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I’m one of those people who thinks in pictures. So you say cookie and I picture a homemade chocolate chip cookie. You say truck and I picture the truck I currently drive, no matter what exact truck you’re referring to! Knowing how my mind works, I thought I’d share some things to consider when we talk about discipleship and why we do it.

The image in my head…

I love football. Not the whole national, professional kind of football but what I consider the good old college kind of hard hitting, forcing the ball down the field kind of football. There are a few things about football that just about everyone knows. There are lines that mark what is in bounds and what is out of bounds. There is a goal line. There are hash marks to help position the ball on the field and to help each team know how far they need to go in order to move the sticks. This is what some people call getting a first down. If you’re not a football fan, I’m sorry this illustration will likely be lost on you.

How do we move the sticks in the Christian church? Now I’m not talking about the institutional church that revolves around a building with a steeple and an hour or so once a week. The church to which I’m referring consists of the people who together have one confession of faith. The church is less the thing we do and more the people we are. It is less a time or space and more an act of gathering and doing life together.

With this understanding of church, how do we move the sticks? How do we know when we’re doing what we’re called to do? The illustration of moving the sticks is about moving forward and going in the right direction. How do we know if the church is moving in the right direction? And making any kind of positive progress while doing it?

Simply put the church that moves in the right direction will be making disciples. They will have proper worship and will do the things that are marks of the church. But the forward momentum of the church isn’t measured in worship, attendance, giving, or many of the butts in the seats kind of measures we typically use. According to the Bible, the forward momentum of the church is measured by how disciples are made.

This is why discipleship is so very important in the life of the church. If churches are not making disciples, then they’re not doing the one thing Jesus told us to be doing. I think we stop making disciples because we have a hard time measuring what a disciple is. We don’t have a 12 step program for making disciples. So we tend to measure things that we can measure like worship attendance and how strictly one adheres to a set standard of tradition. But moving the sticks as a church, so to speak, happens when we help people move from mere observers in their faith lives to men and women who own their faith.

Moving the sticks for the church isn’t about growing a local church or even enlarging the church budget, but it’s about working with men and women who believe in Jesus. It’s about helping them see the depth and breadth and width of Jesus’ love for them in their everyday lives.

The end goal stays the same, living in eternity with Jesus. But the markers along the road as we get there are the making of disciples. We took time to define what a disciple is here. And how disciples gather here. One of the keys to achieving anything is knowing you’re on the right track. And that happens best by checking your progress against some form of measuring stick. As institutional churches live out their calling of teaching and preaching the truth of Jesus, administering the sacraments rightly and gathering for public worship that glorifies God, we are called to do something bigger and more impactful for the men and women who gather in our buildings.

Discipleship isn’t a fad or a good idea. It’s actually what God commanded in the Bible. Jesus even gives us a great picture of what discipleship looks like. Discipleship is not a program that we funnel everyone through. We’ll discuss the fallacy of discipleship funnel in a future post, but for now this is not a time to create a program or add a staff person. Discipleship is critical because it’s the way Jesus grew His ministry. It’s critical because He commanded it. It’s critical because it’s the way Jesus continues to bless highly.

Long and short, the best way to move the sticks and measure our advancement as churches in the world isn’t found in more people in worship or larger budgets or additional programs. The way we move the sticks is by making disciples who make disciples.

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