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Have We Lost Our Voice?

July 12, 2023 / / 0 Comments

Your voice is something that’s easily taken for granted. I mean how often do we stop and think wow I’m sure glad I have my voice today? It’s not until we get laryngitis or a sore throat that we start to think about the sound of our voice. It’s generally not until it’s going away, or even gone, that we start to realize the importance of our voice. But I think we might be losing our voice.

For generations in our history, we’ve had to use our voices. From yelling out the front door that dinner is ready to talking to the clerk at the grocery, we had to use our voices. We had to speak and listen. Conversations were the norm for our society.

But something happened in the not too distant past. We let our voice grow quiet. And I fear some have altogether lost their voice.

It started with the telegraph then the radio and television, but quickly moved on to computers and phones and now all things virtual. You can live much of your life totally on the grid and yet not interact with another human vocally. I get it though. Some days we get that whole I can’t people today feeling. (I actually have a shirt with that quote.)

But what happens when we give up our voice?

When we give up our voice, we let someone speak for us. I remember when my grandparents were struggling with end of life issues related to Alzheimer’s disease. My mom had to be their voice. When one person gives up or loses their voice, someone else speaks for them. And if you don’t trust that person, it can be dangerous!

We’ve given up our voice in so many ways. I watch kids and the tendency to gravitate toward their phones or devices instead of interacting with real, live humans in front of them. I watch as someone would rather send a text or email instead of making a call or stopping in for a visit. When we give up, or lose our voice someone speaks for us and it often doesn’t end well. Even if the voice people hear is an assumption they’ve created!

If you look around you can see it everywhere. Parents have given up their voices to let the schools raise their children. Men and women have given up their voices at the polls because they think their voice won’t count. Even in churches we see people forfeiting their voices to praise teams or choirs.

As a pastor it’s so hard to look at the members of the church and see so many with arms folded and lips held tight. You have a voice! Use it! Or someone will speak for you. And if you don’t speak up, you can’t be mad that the outcome isn’t what you want.

We are in a really important time in history. There will never be another today. The decisions we make today will affect our kids forever. The way we use, or don’t use, our voices in these moments will set in motion the path for the future of society. I know it sounds heavy but it is!

It’s time to stand up for what we believe in. Disagree if you must but do it in an agreeable fashion. Respect other opinions but voice your own. We need to claim the voice we’ve been given and speak. And it has to start today.

No one can take your voice as long as you’re using it. So use it!

Am I Done?

July 11, 2023 / / 1 Comment

Ok…so it’s pretty common knowledge that I am a pastor. And it’s also probably not a secret that this is all I really know how to do – be a pastor that is. Something that’s no secret but maybe not known by everyone is that I recently received a call to serve as pastor of another church in a suburb of Detroit.

I understand that the idea of receiving a call isn’t a normal concept so here’s a quick explanation. In the corporate world there are head hunters who pretty much go around seeking people perfect for the opening in a specific company. They have a list of skills and items that need done and their job is to find the right person to get those jobs done.

Well in a call it’s kind of like that but not…all at the same time. In church world, at least in the church body to which I belong, when a church is in need of a pastor they gather a team of people to evaluate the church’s needs, strengths, and weaknesses. Then they match that with pastors around the church body who have interests and skills where the church has needs. And they extend an offer for that position to the appropriate candidate.

Where this is different than a typical corporate head hunter though is that we believe this position is really coming from God through the local church. So when a church needs a pastor they should be spending considerable time praying through the options available to them and extending a call based on where they feel God leading them to go.

This brings me to the title for this post – am I done? This is the question the pastor must ask when he receives a call to a new location. And this is the very question I’ve been wresting with for the past couple of weeks.

Have I taken the church I’m serving as far as I am able to take them? Am I hindering their forward momentum? Am I preventing them from growing both wider in their reach and deeper in their faith? Have I outstayed my welcome? Ok not really welcome but outstayed my capacity for leadership and discipling of the people.

This is a hard question to be certain. And the really hard part is removing emotions from the mix. It would be easy to say I have friends here so I’m not going anywhere. But that’s not really what the call is about. Actually that’s what makes the call of a pastor different from the hiring of a manger or employee. We don’t, or shouldn’t, stay or go because of friends or extended family. Sure we take others into consideration, but the decision is based on is God done with me here.

Throughout this process I’ve spent far more time listening than talking. I’ve asked far more questions of myself, the people around me, and my family than I have provided answers. I’ve called on men and women with whom I’ve surrounded myself in an effort to hear God’s voice through the wise counsel around me.

It’s not an easy process! Considering and praying through a call does NOT mean anything negative about the people I work with and serve daily. It just means that I need to be open to the possibility that God has something else in mind…something better for His kingdom. For me that’s the whole point of this discernment process. Is God done with me here? What is the best option for His Kingdom?

So for now we wrestle with the question am I done here. I now wait in prayer that God provides a clear answer and the comfort and confidence to boldly step in whichever direction he has for me to step.

These Feet

July 8, 2023 / / 0 Comments

I was there the day these feet were brought into this crazy world.

I was there the day these feet came home that snowy winter day.

I was there to wash those tiny feet and there to watch them grow.

I was there to show those tiny feet how to walk and run and play.

I was there to run beside these feet when they pedaled around the block.

I was there the day these feet stood strong as you confirmed your faith.

I was there to show these feet to march across the football field.

I was there to show these feet just how to drive.

I was there to send these feet away as this new life began.

I was there when those feet walked out a soldier that warm December day.

I was there when these feet bore the body of a man.

Today these feet left home for a long, extended time.

These feet now walk with strength and purpose that many won’t understand.

These feet are part of a brotherhood – past, present and beyond.

These feet now carry the weight of more than extra gear.

These feet, they hold the burden of a nation that has all but forgotten.

These feet still march with purpose. I see nothing changing that.

Now soon these feet will be darkened by the scorching desert sun.

These feet will walk in dirt and sand, be covered in sweat and grime.

These feet will hurt from hours of heat and unrelenting demand.

These feet belong to a boy who once called me his hero.

Now these feet belong to man I call the same.

These feet will guide you here and there but one more task remains.

There’s just one thing that I demand from these feet today. Bring back my boy when his tour is done that’s all that I can ask.

I’ll be there waiting for the day when these feet exit that car.

I’ll be there to hold the man whose feet that these are.

Which Way Do I Go?

July 7, 2023 / / 0 Comments

Have you ever had to make a really important decision? I mean one of those life altering decisions where each option has its distinct benefits, while at the same time there could be some drastic problems if you do things wrong. How do you decide what you should do? What’s your process for discernment?

Ok so there isn’t really a one size fits all approach but here are a few things that I’ve found helpful in times when I’ve been faced with an important decision.

Prayer

If you’re not a praying type of person, then maybe you don’t agree here. But I believe that prayer is the most important thing we can do when it comes to making decisions. But what do we pray?

This is the part that’s a bit trickier. I’m the kind of person who likes to pray for a super tangible sign showing me to go one direction or another. You know something like: write it in the sky for me please. Or have someone I haven’t seen in a while, who knows nothing about the scenario come over and tell me to make a certain move. Unfortunately, however it doesn’t always end up quite that easy to decipher.

So my prayer has shifted over time to something a little less sky writing and more a confident heart or easy stomach. You see when we have life altering decisions to make that could impact many people, it has a tendency to sit heavy on us. I’m the kind of person who wears this like tension in my shoulders, a migraine, or even one of those uneasy upset stomach feelings.

When I pray through the discernment process, my prayer shifts toward a self awareness of what makes the uneasiness go away. What causes the headaches to be less intense? What releases the tension in the shoulders?

Talk to People

Now this one is a bit easier and harder at the same time because there are two main audiences we will want to make sure to include.

First you will talk and listen to the people who will be directly impacted by the decision. Ask questions. Listen to their concerns. Gather information from them about what they are feeling.

Then you should also talk to people not involved in the scenario. These need to be trusted people around you who won’t be directly impacted by the decision. These are your friends or family who will be able to stay unbiased through the discernment process. Ask their feedback on your feelings. Run scenarios past them and let them weigh in.

Ultimately you want to have help seeing this thing from a variety of angles. It’s easy to get lost in the weeds of the decision and totally miss something that is really important. This process helps you see more of the decision than you would have otherwise.

The Spouse

Admittedly, this one won’t be true for everyone because not everyone has a spouse. But if you share your life with a husband or wife, then you need to take a minute and listen to what they are hearing as well. One of the things we believe about marriage is that two people become one person in marriage. And that means, sometimes my wife is the ears and hears things I can’t. So when there’s a major decision to be made, take time to pause and listen to what God is saying to your spouse because it’s all too easy to hear only what you want to hear.

Scripture

Again, not everyone is a follower of Jesus. I get it. But I really think the Bible has something to say about many of the concerns and challenges we have in life. If we take time to dig around in the pages of the Bible, go back through some of the verse we learned as a child, or just open up and start reading we might just find some sort of answer nested in what’s there.

A word of caution here however, you can make the Bible say whatever you want it to say if you just pull a verse or word out of context. When you read something and it kind of strikes you in one direction or another, look around and see if you’re actually reading it in context.

Look, none of this is fool proof! I totally get that. But there is something to be said for each of these approaches. And if I’m being totally honest, you need more than one thing to help you make a big decision. I use all of these when I have a significant decision to make.

I hope this is helpful as you navigate what you’re supposed to do and how you’re supposed to do it. And there’s one final step. Move boldly and confidently no matter what you decide. You can’t second guess yourself because that can negatively impact you and the people around you. Walk forward with the confidence that you made the right decision. And remember, you can’t mess up more than God can fix.

Parenting By Proxy

June 26, 2023 / / 0 Comments

How much time do we spend with our kiddos a day? How much time do you intentionally set aside to be home with them through a week? How about a year? What about through their growing up years? Who gets the most amount of time with our children in their day to day lives?

I would venture to say that if we’re being honest with ourselves many of us would answer that we don’t spend enough time with them and that someone else spends more time with them. Whether that’s a babysitter, teacher, school system, church – who knows pretty much anyone.

Now who’s responsible for making sure our children are raised properly? You know to be people of humility, integrity, faith, respect, kindness, generous, and all those cool attributes. I sure hope that you said that you as the parent are responsible for making sure that your child is raised properly!

Unfortunately there are far too many parents in the world today who are parenting by proxy. They’re letting someone else raise their kids. From assuming the schools are teaching everything they need to know to just letting the church teach them about faith matters to letting screens occupy them while we’re busy doing other things to letting the coach teach them about obedience – we have a tendency to pawn our parenting responsibilities off on someone else.

Now before those of you in two working household families get all bent here, I’m not saying that you have to homeschool your children. Not against it by any means but definitely not for everyone. I’m not saying you can’t have a job outside the home or both of you work. As a matter of fact there is something powerful that a child learns when they see mom and dad working and still engaged in their lives.

But I am saying that parenting is your responsibility not someone else’s! Here’s a quick example of what I’m trying to convey. I recently had a conversation with a group of people from a church. We were talking about the role of the pastor in the lives of the children in the church family. I want to be very clear. I am not a proxy parent for anyone’s kiddos. I’ve done enough damage as a less than perfect parent to my own three children. This church was saying that they want their pastor to be the one who is the primary teacher of faith to the children in the church.

Well, I don’t parent by proxy and I don’t think the pastor should be the faith builder in a child’s life. We’re to teach them but we’re not the one’s who are primarily responsible for the faith development of children. I also don’t think it’s the pastor’s job to do the whole catechism teaching bit for the youth of the church. I think if the pastor does his job rightly, then the parents will be the primary teachers of this to their children. Pastor should most certainly be involved and active and encouraging but the parent should be the primary discipler of the children.

This analogy is true for other areas like math and science and grammar and economics and you name it! The parent cannot shove the kids to someone or something else to teach them. That’s not parenting. All of these other things are assets and tools in the raising of children but they cannot replace what it means to be a loving and true parent.

Look teachers can only teach so much. Pastors can only reach so far. Coaches can be great role models but are limited. You are the parent. You can’t parent your kiddos if you’re never home. You can’t teach them the faith if you don’t open your mouth and teach them. No one is responsible for the development of your children but you. It’s time our culture stopped trying to parent by proxy.

A Problem of Identity

June 23, 2023 / / 0 Comments

There is a huge discussion happening in our world these days about identity. Who determines your identity? Is this something we choose? Is it forced upon us? Is it a natural part of the human condition to have an inborn identity? Consider a couple of scenarios that aren’t too far from reality. A young man grows up in a family where the dad is abusive, and he decides that he doesn’t want to be like his dad. A girl is raised by a single mom who is powerful and strong and has it all together, so she decides she will be the strongest woman around and she doesn’t need anyone.

In both of these situations, the young people have determined that their upbringing was going to have an impact on their identity. One determined that their situation was going to make them buck the system while the other embraced the reality.

If we were to push this example just a little bit further, you can see the young man who’s been abused by his dad wanting nothing to do with men. Ultimately, he thinks he can change who he is and form a new identity all because he doesn’t like the example this man has been in his life.

I really believe this issue of identity is a major concern in our culture and we don’t really even realize it. Just 5-7 years ago, ones identity was all but assumed. Not imposed on us but gifted to us individually. There were things we simply did not even consider trying to change. Fast forward to our modern context and it seems as if nothing is consistent if I don’t want it to be consistent.

Where does my identity come from anyway? This is a fundamental question that is answered differently by different camps of people. There are really only two ways of answering this question however. Either our identity is given to us by something outside of ourselves or we are able to freely evolve into whatever identity we desire in the moment. Try as you might to make it more complex but in reality it’s that simple. And once we start individually evolving our identity, there is absolutely no stopping it.

For those of us who are in Christ, who call ourselves Christians, we believe that our identity is found not in our parents or our own self will but it’s in Christ. To call oneself a Christian and not be defined by the things that Christ is about is like having a diesel motor in your vehicle and choosing to put gasoline in it. It just won’t work. And actually you do more harm than you might realize. You can’t be a Christian and not allow the power and presence of Christ to gift you your identity.

Our society is fighting over some massive identity issues. This is the reason for the rise in talk about the LGBTQ movement, among other hot topics of the day. It’s a movement that at its core is about identity. Wanting to self identify as something that runs counter to the natural flow of humanity and nature. Please don’t misread this at all. The intent of this post is not the condone or condemn someone’s lifestyle choices. It’s simply my understanding of the culture in which we live. We are bent on being in charge of our identity.

We think our identity is found in our preferences, sexual, political or otherwise. We think our identity is determined by our position, posture, or possessions. We introduce ourselves by our marital status, job title, occupation, denominational affiliation, political party. You name it, we have imposed identities all around us. But some identities aren’t that easy to just sluff off. We can’t change our identity as a man or woman without some outside force allowing it to be a reality.

I know my thoughts aren’t going to be popular with everyone and that’s ok with me. I know my intent and it’s not to harm. It’s simply to help people see that their identity isn’t found in who they like or if they’re liked back the same way. You don’t need a spouse to be whole. You can be wildly successful in your own right without a PHD or cool title attached to the end of your email.

Your identity isn’t found in the color of your skin or preferred pronouns. Your identity is found in Christ and your perspective in relation to him. You can’t change that. Try as you might to have a more clear picture of yourself through a different title or a change in physical appearance. But deep on the inside you are still the same person with the same identity. You are still someone who God loves deeply. You are still someone for whom Jesus willingly and painfully died. You are someone to whom the gift of heaven was graciously extended.

The world will continue to have an identity crisis until it realizes that its true identity is found in a God who loves through a Son who gives and a Spirit who lives.

Can you help me?

June 22, 2023 / / 0 Comments

Getting volunteers to commit to something is getting more challenging in several parts of our society. I’m not sure why it is but it seems people are more apprehensive about serving while at the same time demanding more places to be able to serve. It’s kind of confusing to be honest.

The issue is however that we need volunteers. We need places and spaces to serve and lend a hand. It’s really the only thing that keeps us from being egotistical and arrogant turds. The more we focus on ourselves the less we focus on others and the more self centered we become. It’s a nasty cycle to say the least.

There is a problem however. In the last post I talked about two filters I use when I look at the volunteerism crisis in churches and non profits. You can read that here. In this post, I promised to give you a way that really seems to work amazingly well when it comes to asking for volunteers. And to make matters even better, it’s super easy! At least it should be easy.

It all starts with why.

When I go about asking for volunteers, I only use two sets of parameters. The first is why you and the second is what I’m asking you to do. It’s really that simple. But it all starts with why.

Before you go into what you want them to do, you have to know who they are. This means that you have to have relationships with the people around you. Know their likes and dislikes, passions and fears. You don’t have to know everything about them but just observe. Are they good with kids? Do they freak out when a child walks in the room? Are they color blind? Are they great with grammar? Or are they unable to spell? Can they sing or are they generous? What about hospitality or compassion?

These are the things we have to look for in the people around us. When we know what gifts people have, it becomes far easier to help them find a place to plug in. So the starting point is to answer a simple question. What do you see in this person that makes you think they’d be right for this job?

When you can answer that question with 3-5 concrete examples, then you’re in the right place. Be very careful however that this isn’t some stupid love fest just to butter someone up and then whack them with an if you really care about the church you’ll serve bunch of nonsense. We’re not talking bait and switch. This is a genuine, honest assessment of who they are from your perspective. So lead with those 3-5 concrete examples of what you see in them.

Would you be interested?

The second step is the ask. So after you’ve told them what you see in them and how they interact with others. After you’ve given them all the reasons that you feel they are a wonderful blessing to your organization, then you ask them if they’d prayerfully consider putting those wonderful gifts to use in this specific area.

You will never get them to plug in if you don’t just ask them. But the beauty here is that once you have gone the distance of really thinking through who they are, asking will be so much easier. It’s a natural fit if you’ve done the first step right.

Is no still an option? Absolutely! And you have to be ok with that reality. But the amazing part of this approach is that when you start by identifying what you see in the other person, even if they say no they’ve been blessed by your comments. Even a no is a work of blessing in their life as they leave the conversation filled by the words you shared.

There’s no golden ticket to getting people engaged in a next level manner. We just need to work diligently at building relationships with the people we serve, communicating what we see in them, and walking alongside them as they grow and deepen their commitment.

Where are all the volunteers?

June 21, 2023 / / 0 Comments

If you are part of a nonprofit or a church, then there’s a pretty good chance you have noticed a trend. To put it mildly volunteerism is down. There are a lot of things that have happened to get us to where we are currently. We could get all teary eyed over the way it used to be but that’s really not going to be of any value at all. I’m less the sit and whine type and more the let’s find a solution type, so let’s get to it.

Before we throw out a simple one – two punch of what seems to be working, it’s important to say that you first of all need to know your organization and culture. Don’t just grab something that someone else is doing and apply it assuming it will work. There has to be some sort of local cultural connection that makes it stick to your context. But there are some basic principles that I feel are transferable. Here are my two key filters when it comes to volunteerism.

Raise The Bar

The first thing I would say is that we need to raise the bar. And I know it sounds counterintuitive, but stick with me here. I look at this one like the whole chicken and egg scenario (which came first). Is it that people aren’t connecting so we lowered the bar, or we lowered the bar of expectations and now people aren’t connecting?

I think it’s a little bit of both but the lower we move the bar the less people will actually get involved. Think of it this way. When you tell a child to clean up their room, rarely will they not only clean the room but also volunteer to clean up the basement, toy room, and siblings rooms as well. We don’t usually do more than is expected. So if we keep the expectations high, then we allow a greater possibility for those we serve to stay heavily engaged.

Practically speaking, we have to set expectations for how much we want from the people we lead/serve. In the congregation I serve, we have a very clear set of expectations for everyone. The rule of the day is that everyone does something. Not everyone likes this mentality. As a matter of fact, I’ve talked to people connected to our congregation who didn’t want to get involved. They said they wanted to rest and not serve. Well unfortunately that’s not how it works. You can lessen your engagement but you can’t disconnect from service. Just not possible. Your hand can’t fall off your body for a few days because it’s tired, and still function properly. In the same way, you and I can’t disconnect from the organization where we belong and expect for all to be well forever.

We’ve even had to release people from the church because they did not see this as an important part of their lives. And to be honest, that’s ok. I’ve connected people who do not see service as important with other congregations who don’t put as high an emphasis on service as we do. And I pray that they are able to connect well in those locations!

So set the bar high and allow the people in your organization to move to a place of ownership and intentional, dedicated service.

Short Term Is Key

This is another problem I see many non profits and churches making. They make service in the organization seem like a lifelong commitment! From term limits to number of terms you’re able to serve, it just seems like we’re more interested in filling a role than actually connecting someone with their passion for the purpose of promoting their individual thriving. So we keep commitments short.

We only have two groups with terms and limits. They are our leadership team and board of elders. Aside from these two groups, we have no boards or committees or anything of the sort. Instead we have task forces or teams for the purpose of accomplishing a goal. When that goal is achieved, then they are able to go about business as usual or plug in somewhere else.

From Vacation Bible School to fall parties to trunk or treat to Christmas parade decorating, there are tons of ways a person can serve the church without standing in front of people or being a long term commitment.

Have short term service teams that are easy to onboard. This will allow people to jump on the service train at their interest and ability level and jump off the train when they need to without feeling super guilty.

I know this all sounds too simple to be true, but in the congregation I serve we have over a 90% involvement rate by those who call themselves members of the church.

Look it’s not magic and I’m not perfect at this by any means, but it’s also not impossible. Getting people involved and into service can be significantly easier than we might have imagined. It just takes reworking some definitions and reframing our mindset when it comes to volunteers!

In the next post I’ll give you a way that works wonders when it comes to seeking out and asking those volunteers that takes the pressure off of everyone. But for now step back and check your expectations and terms of involvement. Do they make it too hard to serve or not valuable enough? That’s something you can control easily.

Misfits

June 19, 2023 / / 0 Comments

I remember the first time I watched the cartoon around Christmas time titled The Island of Misfit Toys. It was almost like a Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer part two. I watched the movie and thought it was terrible. I mean why in the world would we highlight the misfits, not good enoughs, odd balls, societal outcasts? It just didn’t make sense to me. Not because these people aren’t important but highlighting someone as a misfit only makes the issue worse! Now we have a movie all about me being a misfit! Who wants that?!?!

That movie came to mind again the other day as I was reading through something in the Bible. And it made me realize that sometimes it’s perfectly acceptable and even preferable to be one of the misfits in life.

Ok so the Bible doesn’t use the word misfit. I don’t even think the Message paraphrase goes quite that far! But if you think about it, that’s exactly what we’re talking about here. In the part of the Bible where Jesus calls his disciples, we can see it. To me it’s as clear as can be. The men that Jesus called to be his front line workers, were societal misfits!

This is hugely significant! And ridiculously comforting to me. I know for a fact that I’m not the best at what I do. I’m not the most eloquent, gifted, good looking, popular, guy on the block. There are pastors who are far more talent than I am to be certain! But I’m not a tax collector like Matthew.

Don’t hear me wrong here. I’m not saying I’m better than Matthew was by any means! It’s just who likes tax collectors? And even worse is how poorly these people were looked upon by the men and women of their culture. So Jesus choosing a tax collector was a pretty bold move! And one that gives me a bit of hope.

Another thing that was really great about this section where Jesus selects his followers is that none of them were Harvard graduates! Ok so I know Harvard wasn’t around but still. They were regular, ordinary and largely uneducated men. Jesus didn’t send them away to disciple school or some formal institution to get more knowledge before starting them on ministry tasks.

It was very much a show and tell kind of on the job training which was super effective! We’ll probably highlight the strategy for training Jesus’ followers in a future post, but for now just let it sink in that Jesus chose people that weren’t already wrapped up in someone else’s discipleship group. He picked the ones that weren’t super well loved by the community. And he picked the not always brightest bulbs in the pack! All that to say, there’s hope for you and for me!

The long and short of this post is pretty simple. Don’t be an idiot just because Jesus can use the uneducated. But also don’t fret if you’re not the most powerful or popular kid on the block. Jesus can work some amazing things through faithful, humble men and women of integrity. It’s really that simple. So be a misfit, outcast, whatever you want to call it. But know that those who don’t fit in in the world’s eyes can easily have a place in the Kingdom of God.

Communication and Gardening

June 15, 2023 / / 0 Comments

As some may know, my family now lives on over 12 acres of land. Some of that land is farmed while the rest is where our house sits. On the portion where our house sits, we currently have a garden that is bigger than the backyard at our previous home. It’s fantastic! I’ve planted carrots, onions, potatoes, beans, peas, tomatoes, cucumbers, cantaloupe, zucchini, sweet potatoes, pumpkins and several rows of sweet corn. I grew 99% of these plants from seeds in my basement grow room.

There were a few things I direct planted in the garden, like the sweet corn. I love me some good sweet corn in the summer months. And we even stagger planted so, Lord willing, we’ll have a crop that lasts for a longer duration. We are very much looking forward to freezing, canning, and all the things to better live off the land we have.

But in this whole process of gardening, something has kind of stood out to me. Not every seed grows. They all come from the same packet but not all of them grow. I planted several rows of corn but I have a few bare spots where the seed just simply didn’t germinate. How can that be? I planted them on the same day, in the same garden, with the same sunlight and same water pattern and all of them from the same packet! Yet about half a row just isn’t coming up.

The problem isn’t the amount of water nor sunlight. It’s not a matter of bad seeds either. The problem is…the soil. It’s the only thing that could possibly be wrong. It’s the only thing that could have variations in it. It’s really the only variable that I wasn’t able to control.

This reminds me a lot of communication! Have you ever said something to someone only to have them explode like a brick of C4? The words you said weren’t wrong or even mean spirited. They were just heard wrong. They fell on some bad soil.

If you’ve been on the giving end of a conversation that quickly turned to the receiving end of a mean spirited rebuttal or an out of character move, then you’ve been a witness to some bad soil. It’s unfortunate that the way someone hears something can so quickly change the tone of a conversation not to mention ruin an entire relationship.

But just like those corn seeds that I place in the garden have since become unusable, that’s what happens in some relationships when the soil of someone’s heart isn’t healthy. No matter what we say or how we say it, the seed won’t grow. The conversation will be heated. Feelings will become unnecessarily hurt. And in worst case scenarios, the relationship will be rotten.

Look, this is not a golden ticket to be a jerk. But it is the realization that no matter how hard you try or how good your intentions might be, some people are just living in a spot of bad soil. And unfortunately there’s nothing you can do to change the soil of someone’s heart.

So be kind. Talk gently. Be honest. Tell the truth. But know, that even if you take all of these precautions, some people just have something in their soil that you might not be able to overcome.

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