living for eternity today

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The Sled

I want you to walk with me for a few minutes. This walk will take you back in time a few years in my personal life. I’m going to bring you along for some key moments that make me a bit vulnerable, so be kind. This walk is not for any other purpose than to give you a window into my heart. I could go further back in time, but I think a couple of years will be sufficient.

We’ll start in the early summer months just a couple years ago. I received a phone call that I knew was coming but didn’t really want to receive. My grandma, who had been suffering for years with the debilitating disease known as Alzheimer’s, was moving into her final moments. I jumped in my truck and made my way to their house. 

When I got there my family was already inside. They were smiling, crying, laughing, sobbing, reminiscing, and did I mention crying? These are normal reactions in a situation like this, so don’t read that as anything other than statement of fact. 

I came in the house and said my hellos, told my grandma I was there, then took my place. That phrase took my place should sound odd because it kind of is. I took my place off to the side, out of the way. My feet were shoulder width apart. My hands tucked behind my back clasping one another. It was my official stance, in my official place. No tears. No emotion. I was there. 

I see this moment and many others like it, like a piece of workout equipment at the gym. It’s like a sled that sits on the ground. There’s a picture of one above. It has handles standing up so you can push or pull it across the room. You add weight to make it more challenging. You can even attach straps to it and drag it like one of those strongest man competition kind of events where they pull a semi truck across a parking lot. 

As I stood in the corner of the room, my family was talking and crying and wondering when this was going to happen. I stood there with the harness on my shoulders, down in my stance, ready to pull the sled across the room. All emotion was shut down in that moment. Something I’ve grown far too good at doing.

I watched closely as her breathing slowed. I’ve learned that breathing rhythms change as one starts to transition from this life. I felt the eerie presence of what I’ve come to know as death settle in the room. I looked at my mom and nodded as if to say It’s time. I did what we call the commendation of the dying, basically our version of last rights (kind of). When I finished, I told my family they probably had a few minutes to do one last goodbye. Sure enough, the breathing stopped. Everyone knew it. No one wanted to admit it. 

The tears flowed. Words were lost. They really didn’t know what to do. The hospice nurse helped contact the funeral director to come gather the body. When he arrived, he didn’t have any help so he asked me to help move the body to the gurney. I’ve done this before but didn’t even think I’d do it in this situation. 

I lowered my stance. Grabbed the harness on my shoulders. Dug in my footing and pulled. This is what it felt like. My emotion was shifted to drive. Instead of tears falling down my face, my hands lifted her body from one bed to another. I know they didn’t think this but the looks on my family’s faces were just simple shock. How can you do that and it not tear you up? Are you an animal? Alien? Robot? As long as I’m in my drive stance, there isn’t much room for emotion. My sadness turns to drive. My joy turns to drive. It’s really all I know at times. 

Nearly a year later my grandpa died, then my other grandpa, then my wife’s grandma who was like a grandma to me as well. All of them gone within a couple year span of time. I didn’t cry at any of them. I conducted their funeral services with not so much as a tear. And no that’s not bragging. That’s the point of this post. I didn’t know how to cry. I just knew how to push, pull, drive. 

A year later a great family of close friends left to pursue new endeavors in a new area. We had grown pretty darn close through our time shared, but now they were gone. My feet dug into the ground. The sled kept moving. As long as my legs didn’t stop moving, the sled would continue. As long as my feet kept churning, the pressure, pain and struggle wouldn’t seem so bad. 

In all of that, my son left for service in the US Army. I didn’t know what it would look like or how it would end. I was wrecked inside. When I was in public my feet dug deeper into the ground. I pulled like I’ve never pulled before. But I didn’t realize that all of these things, and so many more I haven’t mentioned, were weights added to the sled. As long as I kept moving, I could pull it. 

My wife, unfortunately, bore a heavy load through all of this. She saw me fall apart when my son left. She saw me flat on the ground (literally) unable to hold myself together. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t keep food down. I couldn’t even workout. The weight had gotten too much. I couldn’t keep it together anymore and since home was my safe place I fell apart. She was worried. I was a mess. But when we left the house, I got in my stance, grabbed that harness, dug my feet in the ground and started pulling. I was moving slower this time but I thought as long as I move I’ll be ok.

Ok now take a breath all of you. This is not a post about my ability to push through. It’s not a post about how strong I am. It’s a post about my faults and my brokenness. It’s a post about weakness and a major flaw. I’ve told you all before that I can drive. It’s part of my personality. That theme song from a few weeks ago tells the story of my drive, but what is easily missed in that song is the reason for the drive. But what I didn’t spell out for you specifically is that drive isn’t fed by personal ambition. It’s often fed by an inability to properly process emotion in public. I couldn’t do it because I felt weak. I don’t like feeling like people can’t count on me and when I was feeling broken I felt like I was letting the world down. So I tightened the shoulder straps of that harness, lowered my center of gravity, used my hands to balance, and dug in using power and energy that I really didn’t even have. 

Why do I share this? Simple. Don’t be like me. The apostle Paul said to follow me as I follow Christ. I’m telling you don’t do life my way. It really isn’t good. Yeah I can push and pull and drive, but it doesn’t always end well. If you’ve been on the road around me in the midst of one of these emotionally charged moments, you’ve probably seen it. You might have even been hit by the sled I was pulling. It wasn’t intentional. Some days I’m way better than others. Some days are…well let’s not talk about those. 

Why do I share this? The power of the church is that you (and I) don’t have to live this way. The church is the body of Christ. It’s the collective strength of every part of who God called us to be. This is likely why the writer of Hebrews says not to give up meeting together. The more isolated we are, the harder life is. The more distance we allow to grow between us, the more challenging life is for everyone. Get together. Find people you can trust and ask if they’ll help grab the sled with you. Maybe they’ll even help you by lifting a weight off of the sled so it’s not so hard to pull. 

We all have to drive at times in life. But we don’t have to do it alone. When it’s time to pull your sled, remember there are people around you who want to help you. And if you happen to be one of those people around me, be patient as I try to figure out how to convert some of this drive back into a healthier alternative. 

What Do You Do?

This is one of my least favorite questions ever. Inevitably I get asked this question by someone I’ve recently met or with whom I’m just getting a relationship built. And as soon as this question is answered, the conversation stops. I mean the conversation stops as abruptly as a car hitting a brick wall.

Part of the reason is my title. Some people have the title of CEO and it sounds all spicy and cool. Others have Officer or Engineer or Lead something or another. But my title is scary for some people. What do you do? I’m a pastor.

Insert the sound of a car screeching its tires coming to a stop.

The next thing that happens is one of three options. The least likely is for the person to say something like Oh that’s super cool! I’ve always wanted to know a pastor. Admittedly, this one is so unlikely that it’s never actually happened! But I guess it always could?

The next potential reaction would be for the conversation to just stop and the person to act like I no longer exist. This has actually happened a couple of times. It’s almost as if we’re having a great conversation. They find out I’m a pastor, and then I disappear. It’s like I vanish from their midst and they go on to something else like I’ve been transported through some wormhole into a different dimension of time and space. It’s a very uncomfortable feeling.

The most common reaction I get is Oh wow I’m sorry! As weird as this sounds, it always gives me a chuckle. You’re sorry? Really? For what? It’s not like someone held a gun to my head and told me to be a pastor or else. Actually I had a few people who tried to convince me to do something different with my life. What this question actually means however is Oh crap! I’m so sorry! I know I said something that probably offended you and now you’re going to say some magical phrase that’s going to get me banished to hell forever. Or something close to that anyway.

I think the problem is that people, and by people I mean those not connected to a church and those connected to a church, really don’t know what it means for a person to be a pastor. I don’t intend for that to be demeaning toward people by any means. It’s just most people have a pretty limited view of what a pastor does.

I’m the backside of many of those must be nice to only work one day a week kind of jokes. And yes I do know they are joking. But I also think it does show that many people, again both inside and outside of the church, don’t really know what it is that I do.

What do you do? Ok so let’s hit the obvious. I preach and teach about the Bible on Sunday. That’s kind of the given part of this whole scenario. What most people don’t know however is how long it takes to get ready for a given Sunday. I mean when I stand up front on a Sunday without notes and no cool teleprompter, there are 20+ hours that go into making that a reality. I could skimp on that and lessen the teaching but if I do that I should be fired. Without a script or anything it may look like I’m just winging it, but there’s a lot that goes into those couple of hours on a Sunday.

Add to that, there’s preparing small group material, overseeing other staff members, being a volunteer coordinator for over 150 volunteers throughout the year, party planner for those who want fun events but don’t know how to plan them, ensure that all the wheels are greased and running smoothly. Oh then there’s visiting those who are in hospitals and shut ins. Being involved in the community enough that the community knows we exist and are here for them. Did I mention being somewhat accessible nearly 24-7?

What do you do? Well, I’ve canceled vacations because someone has been on their deathbed. I hear some of the most awful stories of brokenness imaginable. Stories I can’t share with anyone, even my wife, because part of being a pastor is confidentiality and trust. I have to watch people say and do some pretty dumb things and not react too harshly in the moment. (sometimes I’m better at this than others).

What do you do? I get up a 2am when you’re having the worst night of your life. I come to your bedside when you’re terrified. I’m the one standing in the room when your loved one is struggling with their final moments. I’m there to carry you when your marriage is shattered. I shift my schedule to meet with you because you have a day job and my schedule is more flexible. I stand in the room with the lifeless body until the coroner comes. I hold in my emotions so you feel free to unload yours.

What do you do? My favorite is when people tell me they’ve just finished a long 3 week stretch of working 60 hours a week. I mean that can be tiring I’m sure. If I were to log my hours, I’d say more than 3 out of every 4 weeks I’m logging about 60. From time preparing sermons to praying for you, from practicing to preaching, from creating programs to coming in to pinch hit when someone can’t show up, from teaching at least 2 different groups on 2 different topics per week to so many more things that you’re already bored reading this.

What do you do? I carry the spiritual, emotional and at times physical needs of over 250 people. I take it very seriously. If you know me, then you know what I do is give up myself for those +/-250 people. And lest you think this is me complaining, let me be very clear. I choose to do it again year after year, month after month, week after week, day after day.

Being a pastor isn’t just what I do. It’s who I am. It’s not just a job. It’s my very calling. This is what I’ve been made to be. I could do a million other things, but none of them are what God made me to do. What do I do? Well, simply put, I’m a pastor. More than a job, this is my life. And I’m so honored to be able to do all of it.

Pray For Your Pastor

I was recently driving home from a small group bible study when something hit me. No it wasn’t a deer! It was a startling reality. Something I knew but kind of washed over me like a brand new feeling. As a pastor of a church, I am called to preach, teach, visit, pray with and for, serve communion, disciple, train, raise up leaders, and provide care for all of the people in the congregation.

That night I received a call that one of our members wasn’t feeling well. It was an older member who was struggling and I was alerted because the situation was very concerning to several people who had been with this member. I left the group and headed out so I could make some calls to better assess the situation and be prepared should an in person immediate visit be needed.

That’s when it hit me. In addition to all of the things on the list for a pastor to do, we truly care for the people around us. The men, women and children. The old ones and the babies. They all are people for whom we care deeply. We care for you by doing the things we’re called to do. We care for you by preaching and all that stuff. But we also care for you by calling out wrong behavior we see. We care for you by getting up in the middle of the night and making our way to the bedside of your dying loved one. We care for you by sitting quietly and listening as your world crumbles and reassure you that even though you feel alone – someone is there.

Pray for your pastor. He needs it. I can guarantee it.

There are so many highs in ministry that it’s hard to explain. The highs of baptisms and weddings. The highs of anniversary celebrations, ministry parties, block parties, fellowship events, game nights, movie nights, hanging out with friends. But there are also some really gut wrenching moments as well.

You know the funeral that we did for your mom or dad? That day we were there for you. That’s not the only funeral we did. And while your parent or spouse that we buried wasn’t our parent or spouse they were someone for whom we cared deeply. And it wasn’t just that person we had to bury either. It was your loved one and the loved ones of several others as well.

I don’t write this for pity or thanks or recognition. That’s not why we do it. If you’re a pastor reading this and you do these things for recognition, then get out of the ministry now. That’s not a pastor’s heart you possess. I write this because we are weak and often weary. We get tired. We carry burdens we don’t and often can’t share with anyone. We put on a smile when our hearts are torn open. When we are broken, we still have to stand by your side to provide comfort and care in your moment of grief, sorrow, or fear.

If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to ask you to just take a few minutes out of your week and pray for your pastor. Whoever he is. Whether you really like him or don’t quite understand his little character quirks. Pray for your pastor. He’s a human. He hurts. He fails. He struggles. But he loves you and would gladly and willingly rearrange his schedule to be by your side in a moment’s notice if the need arose. We aren’t heroes by any means. Just pastors trying to be the shepherds God calls us to be, and we’d truly be honored if you prayed for us.

Simplicity

There is a major problem that I’ve witnessed and even experienced in several places in life. It’s the over complication of life. We make things way harder than they really have to be! And it’s killing our ability to really thrive in life.

I’ve had the chance to work in so many different fields in life. I’ve done landscaping, bartending, restaurant cook, car sales, landscape consulting, manufacturing, church work, life coaching, and the list goes on from there. In each of these areas I’ve learned a little more about systems, job functions, leadership and the overall complications associated with getting jobs done.

One thing that is so striking is that we make things so hard that people have a hard time following our systems. We make the process so complicated and complex that it’s hard to connect the dots from start to finish.

Take my days in the car sales world as a good example. When I was taught how to sell cars there were more steps than I could remember. I think when I started I had to remember something like 30 steps on what needed to happen from start to finish in a car deal. I was so focused on the next step that I often didn’t give the customer the time or focus they needed or deserved.

Over time we were able to narrow that list down to 13 steps. Still more than probably needed to be there but it made the job way easier. We often approach something thinking that more steps makes it more manageable. But in reality when we have to communicate the process to someone else, it’s nearly impossible to do so in a way that can be retained.

Life in the church is no different. We have so complicated life and ministry that it’s become nearly impossible for people to actually focus on following Jesus because of all the rules we’ve added to the system. I highly recommend looking closely at the systems you have in place to see if they are easily teachable and replicable.

Once you honestly evaluate the process you have in place, it’s time to lose the parts of the system that are not 100% essential. Look I’m all for tradition and comfort in knowing how things function. But if we’re honestly trying to reach new people or create the best way for people to onboard our system, then we need to look at things from the perspective of those we’re trying to reach not our own comfort.

So simply put make it simple and watch how things grow and people thrive, because simple is clear.

Stop Being So Shallow!

Why Most Men Prefer the Shallow End of the Spiritual Pool | HuffPost Life

I have to say there are a lot of shallow people in this world. And even more so that’s really what’s being pedaled through our media. From printed news stories to tv news broadcasts to the infamous social media streams, there’s an abundance of surface level junk floating around. And in a superficial world, depth can be very attractive.

The set up

It’s no secret if you’ve been around this blog for any length of time, or if you know me at all, you will know that I’m a pastor of a semi-rural/suburban church in central Ohio. So much of my thinking revolves around my experience in that world. However the principles I’m about to share while mostly from my immediate context can be applied to a number of different fields from small businesses to politics to friendships and much more.

Cool versus Authentic

Ok so this is a pet peeve of mine. People trying to be super cool or hip or culturally relevant and totally missing the point of what’s happening around them. There was a craze in the church about a decade ago, that still is very much prevalent today, where churches tried to be mini versions of their culture. For many of them you couldn’t tell where the culture ended and the church began. This is a problem!

Churches did this because they wanted to be relevant to culture. They wanted the world to like them. They fell prey to the 3 Bs of life: boards, budgets and butts. Boards represent our power structure. Budgets represent our financial stability. And butts represents our fame or connectedness, aka church membership. When any of these are driving forces for you, then you will quickly realize that you’ve fallen for cool over authentic.

People are not walking away from God. They’re walking away from the church and fake expressions of the gospel.

It’s not just churches either. You can see it in businesses trying to become all things to all people and then quickly becoming nothing. It would be like McDonald’s trying to market as a 5 star sit-down restaurant for you to go for your 50th wedding anniversary. If they did this, they’d lose some clientele. Admittedly they might pick up some others but I hope you get the point. Focus on your purpose.

The church’s purpose is to bring the good news of Jesus to the world. When the how becomes more important than the what, we’ve missed the point. When we become more interested in laser shows and perfected Instagram stories than we are with the gospel, we have a problem!

No Pain Here

Another issue we deal with when it comes to being authentic is the illusion of perfection. The old workout adage of no pain, no gain is well known by many. But I think in the church we try to paint this sick image that we’ve got it all together and that nothing is ever wrong.

Get a group of pastors in a room and ask them how ministry is going and inevitably the conversation will turn to performance instead of authentic pain. We measure our effectiveness by how many people we have or how much money we make or what kind of building we’re in. We leave no room for real hurt and recovery and pain and stress and weakness.

If the church wants to be relevant in the world, stop pretending to be perfect. If the band is off, claim it! If the pastor blows the message, admit it. If the lights don’t put on the show you’re looking for, then who really cares! What’s the main point anyway?

When we embrace our struggles and surround ourselves with people are gifted where we are not, we stand a much better chance of reaching people that are not exactly like us. It’s ok to have a bad day. It’s ok to not be ok. Don’t paint yourself with a pretty made up face when you’re broken. Sometimes we can’t heal until we face the pain we’re going through.

Are you against everything?

Ok so this one might be a little personal for some of you, and that’s ok. Do people have any idea what you stand FOR? Or do they only know what you’re against? I have had many conversations with people who are not what we would call churched people. We’ve talked about sports, beer, marriage, community, politics, health. You name it, we’ve probably talked about it. But more times than I’d like to admit, whenever the topic of church or religion comes up I get a similar answer.

Is the church for anything? Or is it just completely against everything in this world?

I think this is a dangerous image to portray! The church should most certainly take a stand on what it believes. Without question there are some things we most assuredly need to stand against. However, if the main voice coming out of the church today in our 21st Century culture is what we’re against we’re giving the wrong message.

Over and over again Jesus told us who he was for. He didn’t agree with the lifestyles of everyone he defended or came alongside but he still showed that he was there for them. The woman caught in adultery is a fine example of this. There’s a story in the bible of a woman who was caught in the act of adultery. Cultural norms said she was to be stoned. But Jesus steps in the middle. Now understand fully that Jesus had every legal and moral right to throw that first stone. He could have annihilated her with thou shalt and thou shalt not commands. Instead, he stepped between her and her accusers and loved her.

Where is the church today when it comes to the oppressed and the marginalized? Where is the church for those who’ve been displaced from their homes or lost loved ones in tragedies? Where is the church with those who are considered like this adulterous woman?

You see the church is called by God to be encouragers and equippers who are compelled with a mission far greater than ourselves to accomplish something that is far beyond ourselves. When the church stays steadfast in its confession of who God is while regaining this beyond self mindset, we’ll become truly relevant again. Essentially, we don’t need to change our message. We need to change our attitude.

Trust Circles

I heard recently on a podcast about this idea of trust circles, and I have to say I was beyond intrigued. In these weird days in which we’re living trust is a commodity in short supply. I’ve wondered why it seems good friends are acting like they’ve never met at best and like they’re enemies at worst. The speaker on this podcast suggests that our trust circles are shrinking at alarming rates. Let me explain.

A trust circle is simply the circle of people who are around you that you’re close enough to that you feel you can share key life moments or struggles or even disagreements with them. With that understanding think about your life and the people around you. Who is in your trust circle?

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