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Category: Catalyst (Page 20 of 30)

A catalyst is one that sparks something. The catalyst speaks from experience and enables others to move forward more freely. These articles are written to act as a catalyst in your life.

5 Natural Trends We Need To Navigate

February 10, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Life has a way of acting kind of like the ocean. Some times the tide is high and crashing in while other times the tide is so far out we can easily manage life on the shore without even getting wet. And honestly like the tides there are some predictable patterns or trends we can see coming before they actually come crashing into the shore. But unlike the patterns of high and low tides, the patterns of life can be shortened or lengthened by how we react and prepare.

There are several things about life that we all know. Life can be a struggle. It can be fun. It can feel like things are spiraling out of control. We can feel like we’re in our sweetspot when things are going well. It can be monotonous and drone on and on. And things can start to crash all in seemingly a very small span of time. So what do we do? How do we manage all this change and shifting of tides in life?

There are two basic operating principles we need to take to heart before we can navigate these trends. The first thing we need to do is acknowledge that these shifts are coming sooner or later. We can’t stop all of the change from happening around us, no matter how hard we try. The second is that we all start in a point of struggle. It’s pretty much that simple. Everything from birth to starting a business to planting a new church to starting a new job, it all starts from a point of struggle. The rest of the trends or stages will flow out of that original struggle. It’s how we react to the struggle that determines how long we’re in struggle mode.

Party Time!

Generally speaking, when we navigate out of our time of struggle, we’ll settle into a new routine and we’ll see some pretty good things happen fairly quickly. In an organization of just about any kind, this is when pretty fast growth happens. People are happy and things are generally fun in this stage.

Think of a child in the younger years when they really don’t have a much of a care in the world. Life is pretty easy for them. We feed them. Clean up after them. Rock them. They just eat, sleep and make messes that they don’t have to do anything about! It’s like party time all the time.

Storm Season

When we progress through our season of parties and fun and all the excitement of the new beginnings, we undoubtedly will have to learn to navigate through a season of storms and devastation. This season of life unfortunately doesn’t happen just once. It’s repeated off and on. This season comes when the honeymoon phase of a new thing has ended. We settle into our routines. We start to question those around us and sometimes it causes us to question ourselves. The storms can be awful. And for many of us, we quit in the middle of one of these storms, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

This phase is like those teenage years when we argue with our parents incessantly. Our parents are morons. We are awkward. Our friends are butts. Our siblings are annoying. Life is just terrible, at least in our minds anyway.

The Groove

After the season of storm we will hit the pinnacle season of life where things just seem to go well. It’s like we settle into the groove and life goes unexpectedly well. This is the phase of life that everyone wants to be in but rarely do we stay here for long periods of time. We all too often don’t recognize this phase for what it is, so we fall backward into the stormy season or slide forward into the monotonous moments to come.

This is that season of life that typically brings us through graduation and into our first job. We’re making real money and enjoying the challenges and opportunities that life provides. This season can last for a long time if it’s nurtured properly, but most of the time we overlook the blessings that this season brings.

Monotonous Moments

If we don’t challenge the status quo while in the groove, we will easily and quite quickly slip forward into a season of monotony and boredom. It’s like driving through the plains states when you’re tired. Everything looks the same and you quickly fail to see the beauty of the moments around you. The time of monotony happens when the routine becomes the rule and there’s nothing exciting in front of us.

This phase of life is kind of like what happens when we realize the dream job we fell into after graduation doesn’t have all we thought it did. It’s what happens when fail to challenge ourselves or the systems around us. Life gets boring. We fall asleep at the wheel of life. And quitting is becoming more and more appealing.

The Crash

Unfortunately, if we don’t address the challenges of monotony we’ll end up in a head on collision with this final season. It’s when we crash and burn. We can’t see any light around us. We can’t see a way out. We isolate ourselves from those who care for us. We quit the thing with which we’ve grown bored. Instead of constantly looking for new opportunities, we look for a clear and easy way out. We give up on progress, happiness and success. We simply throw in the towel. Left unchecked this season can lead to some very serious personal issues with depression.

There are probably more seasons of life than just these few but in my experience these are some key markers to look out for in life. The point in sharing this is to make us aware of what’s going on. I find that when I know what to look out for I’m less likely to fall into it. Like a pothole on the road that I will swirve to miss, these seasons are some that I can be better prepared to maneuver through and around.

Are You Beating Yourself?

February 4, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I think there are times in life when we actually do ourselves more harm than good. I mean we have great intentions but when we really look at it we haven’t done much good at all. As a matter of fact, the good we thought we were doing was actually undone by the negative things caused by our actions. Ok that’s ambiguous so let’s dive in a little more.

The thoughts that follow are my observations from my own life and ministry. These are my failures. They are things I’ve had to work through on a variety of levels. And they are things that I still monitor closely to make sure I don’t fall back into some of these same bad habits and destructive ideas again.

You are not God.

Now that goes without saying but the issue is that we don’t live like this. Ok so admittedly we don’t necessarily go through life thinking we’re God, but we often make decisions and plans acting as if we are the most important person in the world. We pursue things that are all about personal happiness and individual success. We seek attention and put ourselves on a pedestal as if we’re the most important person in the room or universe. Believe me, I know a few of those too.

Friend it’s not about you. If you’re a leader of a team, parent, spouse or even friend to someone – you are not the point. A good friend, teammate, employer, parent or spouse will make decisions and go in directions that put the other person first. If we want to set ourselves and those around us up for the greatest success, start putting their needs before your own and watch how not only do their needs get met but yours will also!

The more you work, the less you get done.

This one sounds a bit like an oxymoron but it’s also very true. It’s kind of like that line they say on airplanes about the oxygen masks. If you’re traveling with small children, please secure the oxygen mask to yourself before placing it on your child. For the longest time I found this to be wildly insensitive and a horribly wrong practice! I mean who in the world is going to watch their child suffocate while they get the good air?! So I asked one of those friendly Southwest flight attendants why in the world this was the rule. They were patient with my stupidity and didn’t make me feel like too much of an idiot in their answer. She simply told me that if I couldn’t breathe, how could I make sure my child was breathing? Wow. Then it all started to click. Side note: I wasn’t even traveling with children which made my question that much more strange.

Back to over working. So the whole put the mask on the child thing is like taking a needed rest in order to be more productive. It doesn’t make sense until you ask a few questions. Then step back and realize that like a parent with no oxygen can’t help their child, so also a person who’s overworked and exhausted can’t focus on the job at hand and will likely not be productive nor effective. Getting the rest you need and stepping away from the task at hand for a minute is often the most powerful way to get more done.

Give yourself traveling time.

I have a tendency to stack appointments in my calendar pretty tight. I know how long it takes me to get from one place to another under normal conditions. And when I have to be somewhere I generally like to arrive on time, which for me is about 5-7 minutes early. But there are those times when we stack so many things so tightly in our calendar that we just can’t get it all done. We have no time to get from point A to point B.

This is also true with general calendaring without travel. The premise is that we tend to stack our appointments or tasks so tightly that there’s no breathing room at all. We move from task to task without giving our brains a chance to change gears. We run from one project to a totally unrelated project and wonder why our mind feels like mush at the end of the day.

There’s nothing wrong with stepping away for even as little as 3 minutes to use the bathroom, walk down the hallway, listen to music, close your eyes or just stare off into space. These are simple techniques that can clear your mind and let your brain get the space it needs to restart in a different gear.


Diversify your diet.

Now this one might be a tad misleading, so let me explain. I am not talking about your food diet, although that’s very important as well. I’m referring to the diet of information that you feed yourself. If you continually feed your brain with the same content over and over without any variation, you’re going to be mentally malnourished to say the least. It’s like eating crackers all the time with no protein or vegetables. You just won’t perform at your peak.

The same is true for what we put into our minds. I tend to read or listen to a variety of books. Some of these are books related to my field as a pastor. Others are leadership books. Others are on finance or parenting or how to understand what’s going on in my preteen daughter’s mind (ok so there’s really nothing that will help with that one but it’s worth a shot). The point is to try to look at the world around you through the many lenses at your disposal. Consuming content from a variety of sources helps you see not only your thought process more clearly, but also helps you appreciate where others are coming from and have more intelligent conversations about topics on which you disagree.

These are just a few of the many things I’ve had to learn the hard way in life. I hope they are somewhat helpful to you and provide you with a shortcut of sorts to not stay stagnant.

Self Care Is NOT Selfish

February 3, 2022 / / 0 Comments
77 Self-Care Quotes to Remind You to Take Care of Yourself

So it’s no secret the season of life we’re in currently isn’t the easiest thing we’ve dealt with as leaders. If you’re in charge of any group of people or in a management role or guiding people to a preferred future then you’re a leader. Parents are leaders. Business people are leaders. Often in every friend group there’s a leader. We are all leaders in some area of our lives. The question isn’t if we’re leaders but whom are we leading? You don’t have to like the idea of leadership but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re a leader. So how can leaders take care of themselves to be better at the task in front of them?

When leadership gets challenging there are a few things that we need to do to make sure we’re leading appropriately and most effectively. We’ll call it self care. And no matter what you think of when you hear the term self-care, it’s not about being selfish at all. Self care is all about making sure you’re best qualified and prepared to handle whatever problems arise.

Always on is quickly off.

Leadership isn’t a task we can do in an hour. It’s something that weighs on us constantly. We climb into bed and just want to fall asleep peacefully, but the nagging issues of leadership start picking off the sheep we’re trying to count. We live in a culture where technology is making us so easily accessible that we quite literally can’t ever step away. We can be called day or night. Even a trip to a sunny beach somewhere isn’t safe, because email still works there too!

Being always on and always within reach will quickly lead to burn out, fatigue and poor decision making. The weight and burdens of leadership are constantly on our shoulders. You need to find someone in whom you can confide to help you carry those burdens. Keep a journal of sorts to write down the things causing anxiety. Make lists in written or electronic form that you can come back to so you’re not obsessing over little tasks needing completed.

Get some real rest.

I know that many people don’t get the sleep they need to function properly, and I’m one of those people. I’ve made the excuse that I can run on less sleep than many and for the most part that is true. But we all need sleep and we need to listen to our bodies, stress levels, and family members who can see things in us that we can’t see in ourselves.

I’m not going to preach at you to get 8 hours of sleep since I don’t do that myself. But find regular rhythms of rest in your life. Learn the habits of stopping to just breathe throughout your day. There are days when I just sit at my desk and close my eyes to empty my mind for 3 minutes. It makes a world of difference!

But more than just getting a good night of sleep or pausing for a quick power up, we also need regular down time. Some call them days off. Others call them a sabbatical. Others call it vacation. Whatever it is you need to find a way to step away from the pressures of leading and recharge. Take a day every week and if possible at least a week every year to learn how to refocus. Real rest leads to real results. Really!

Keep your priorities straight.

When we have a lot of responsibility at work, it’s easy to let that kind of bleed into every other area of our lives. It’s all too easy to bring our work home or worse yet live like we’re married to our job. There is a pretty clear line of priority that we need to follow. And if we get this ordering out of whack it will yield some pretty nasty results.

Here’s the short version: faith first, family second, self health third, job last. If you’re living in a pattern of life that has your priorities in any other ordering then you’re setting yourself up for some signifiant harm. Getting this wrong will destroy your marriage, abandon your family, effect your health, and break the trust you’ve established in your relationships/friendships. I cannot stress this one enough. Your work does not own you so don’t live like it does.

Diet and exercise aren’t just for weight loss.

The final thing we need to look at when it comes to self care for those in any leadership role is the area of physical health. Leading is stressful whether you’re leading your kids, your family, your business, your friends, or any other place you find yourself. Leadership is stressful at times and having a healthy outlet for that stress is critical. This means we need to manage our food intake properly. And we need to manage our energy output appropriately.

Having a regular food check and exercise regimen is pretty important. Stress often leads to eating poorly and all sorts of other bodily issues like muscle tension and blood pressure issues to name just two. When we keep our eating right and we take time to do some form of exercise, even if it’s just a walk around the block or at the mall, we’ll see noticeable changes in how we handle stress. And our overall health will be positively impacted.

Getting help is not weak.

Finally we need to realize that we’re not superheroes. We cannot do it all. And leaders need help. Do you have someone you can confide in? Do you have a therapist or a counselor or someone with whom you can speak about personal matters that weigh on your heart? Just know there is nothing wrong with getting help. There’s nothing weak about admitting you can’t do something. There’s no shame in getting some form of therapy or counseling to help you balance what’s going on in your mind and heart.

So there you have it. Not an exhaustive list by any means but a few things leaders can do to manage the challenges of life and take a little time for self care, because self care is not selfish it’s actually selfless if done right.

Grace Upon Grace

February 1, 2022 / / 0 Comments
Bear One Another's Burdens - Verse Meaning Explained

I get to see all sorts of things in my line of work. Many people joke around about me only working an hour on a Sunday and the rest of the week goof off with video games or who knows what. To be totally honest, there are things that come across my desk as a pastor that I really wish I didn’t have to manage. But there are other parts of my day that make me just pause and realize how amazing some of the people who surround me truly are.

The situations that blindside us and pretty much throw us into a tailspin are the things no one wants to deal with. We run from them. We fight to get out of them. We try to make our way through them. But really we just want these unknown and unsolicited crappy days to just go away. Whether they are relationship meltdowns, financial crises, disturbing health news or family drama, we will have to come to grips with some level of all of these things throughout our lives. How we make it through some of these truly life changing moments often is determined by who we let into our circle.

One of the most blessed parts of my job is to be someone who is trusted to be part of someone’s circle. I get the honor of being the person who’s there when good times happen. I get to hear the good news of a baby born or a guy “popping the question.” I get to see the smiles and endless grins on the faces of those who are filled with the joy of living.

But I’m also honored to be invited into some of the darkest and scariest moments of people’s lives. I am called on when a loved one is ill, hospitalized or tragically dies. I’m there when a child needs medical attention. I’m invited into the circle when families are in turmoil and trust within friendships becomes broken. I get to be present when tears flow and hearts are broken and fear overwhelms.

I write these things not to pat myself on the back but to remind you that you are vastly important to me. No matter what level of connection I’ve had in your life, believe me when I say that walking with you through good or bad times is an absolute honor. It’s something I do not take lightly.

As I write this some of you are filled with joy while others are barely able to breathe under the pressures of life. No matter which end of that spectrum you may be on, know that I or someone like me is just a call away. We do have limitations and boundaries but in general we are here.

It is in these moments, entering someone’s story especially a story of crisis that I witness some of the most amazing displays of grace that one could ever imagine. It is in the moments when life is unraveling at a pace that is dizzying, that we get to witness someone’s true character. It’s not when life is easy that the real person shines forward. It’s when they are stressed beyond belief, broken seemingly beyond repair, weak beyond imagination that someone reveals who they truly are at their core.

I have recently come to realize that the strongest people in the world are not necessarily in a uniform, at the gym or wearing a cape. They are simple, ordinary people who put their feet on the floor in the morning when they’d rather stay in bed. They move forward when it would be way easier to fall backward. They stand when the world says to sit down. They remain silent when every ounce of their anger says to speak. They’re the people who demonstrate grace in ways that I didn’t know were humanly possible.

To the many people who’ve been a part of why circle and invited me to be a part of your story over the past several decades, thank you for showing me what grace looks like in so many ways. Thank you for being the evidence of grace upon grace in even the least graceful of circumstances. Thank you for the trust you’ve shown. Thank you for showing me what the love of Jesus looks like today.

My Give a Crap Meter Is About To Break

January 27, 2022 / / 0 Comments
Too Much Compassion? - Here 2 There

Alright I’ll apologize at the outset here to anyone who gets offended easily. However, if I’m being honest, knowing that you’re still here you probably means you don’t have super thin skin. I don’t think I have to tell anyone in our world today that life is hard. We can’t do the things we used to do. People tell us one thing then do something totally different. You pour into someone with your time and energy and love and support then they turn around and slap you in the face or turn their back on you when you’re in need. And this is beyond taxing!

There’s a very real thing happening in life right now called compassion fatigue. It’s what happens when you constantly care for others and have no one there to care for you. It’s what I call my give a crap meter is broken. And for complete transparency when that meter breaks I’m a bear to live with because it impacts how I care for everyone. When we invest in someone and they turn around and live like we don’t matter at all, it depletes our ability to care for even those close to us. We start to wonder if everyone feels the same way as that ungrateful person. We act more guarded and jaded and honestly we start to be less friendly to our real friends and family.

So if you’re one of those people who receive the care from someone but don’t show any gratitude, it’s time to fix that one. Don’t be a jerk! If someone is there for you and supporting you and lifting you up throughout life, then make sure you don’t turn around and kick them out when they’re having a hard time. Ok off my soap box because those are rarely helpful. Now for a couple of positive things to help protect yourself.

How do we combat compassion fatigue?

Surround yourself with people who care. I know this sounds like one of those ridiculous and superbly obvious statements. But you’d be surprised how many times we surround ourselves with people who suck the life out of us even when we’re empty emotionally and spiritually. Take an honest inventory of your friends and see who is really there for you when the crap hits the fan in life. Who are the ones that are there when you are hurting and broken? Who are the ones that check in to see if you are ok? Who are the ones that just show up? Who are the ones who don’t make it about themselves?

Set clear boundaries. This one is huge and I can’t stress it enough. You need to know when enough is enough. You need to know when someone is using you for their personal gain and not in the friendship for any mutual benefit. Boundaries don’t have to be the same for each person either. You just need to make sure to give yourself space to heal and recover from constantly being “on” for other people. You matter too!

Space to refuel is critical. So I’m not a big sit by a fire and read a book kind of guy, although a fire sounds good on this 5 degree day! Consider what you can do to fill yourself back up. Some like to get a massage. Others go for a walk. Maybe go out for a night with friends with no agenda. Workout. Go for a run. Drive around the outer belt, not during rush hour of course. Go on a vacation. Turn off your phone for an hour. Go play in the snow with your children. Dive into the bible or a good devotion book. There are a million things you can do to recharge a bit, you just have to be intentional. The point is that you can only pour into someone else what’s being poured into you.

Stay resilient. I always thought resilient meant never giving up or always pushing through. But the definition, according to the interwebs, is able to recover readily from a misfortune. Now that’s a pretty good one! We need to be resilient when working with people who are in a time of need. They’re going to say and do things that will hurt, but be resilient and bounce back. Don’t take it personally if a person who is in crisis doesn’t seem overly friendly. Give them space and take your own space then come back to make sure they’re ok. The point of resiliency is that we need to be flexible with those around us. If we’re super rigid, the second something goes wrong we will break. And no one wants to break.

This is not an exhaustive list of ways to combat compassion fatigue. These things are intended to hopefully help you see that you do matter. To someone in your circle you matter more than you know. Even if you’re beaten by the world and feel abandoned take time to look around and see who’s in this mess with you. If you’re empty, lean on those people. You won’t regret it.

Stop Being So Shallow!

January 7, 2022 / / 0 Comments
Why Most Men Prefer the Shallow End of the Spiritual Pool | HuffPost Life

I have to say there are a lot of shallow people in this world. And even more so that’s really what’s being pedaled through our media. From printed news stories to tv news broadcasts to the infamous social media streams, there’s an abundance of surface level junk floating around. And in a superficial world, depth can be very attractive.

The set up

It’s no secret if you’ve been around this blog for any length of time, or if you know me at all, you will know that I’m a pastor of a semi-rural/suburban church in central Ohio. So much of my thinking revolves around my experience in that world. However the principles I’m about to share while mostly from my immediate context can be applied to a number of different fields from small businesses to politics to friendships and much more.

Cool versus Authentic

Ok so this is a pet peeve of mine. People trying to be super cool or hip or culturally relevant and totally missing the point of what’s happening around them. There was a craze in the church about a decade ago, that still is very much prevalent today, where churches tried to be mini versions of their culture. For many of them you couldn’t tell where the culture ended and the church began. This is a problem!

Churches did this because they wanted to be relevant to culture. They wanted the world to like them. They fell prey to the 3 Bs of life: boards, budgets and butts. Boards represent our power structure. Budgets represent our financial stability. And butts represents our fame or connectedness, aka church membership. When any of these are driving forces for you, then you will quickly realize that you’ve fallen for cool over authentic.

People are not walking away from God. They’re walking away from the church and fake expressions of the gospel.

It’s not just churches either. You can see it in businesses trying to become all things to all people and then quickly becoming nothing. It would be like McDonald’s trying to market as a 5 star sit-down restaurant for you to go for your 50th wedding anniversary. If they did this, they’d lose some clientele. Admittedly they might pick up some others but I hope you get the point. Focus on your purpose.

The church’s purpose is to bring the good news of Jesus to the world. When the how becomes more important than the what, we’ve missed the point. When we become more interested in laser shows and perfected Instagram stories than we are with the gospel, we have a problem!

No Pain Here

Another issue we deal with when it comes to being authentic is the illusion of perfection. The old workout adage of no pain, no gain is well known by many. But I think in the church we try to paint this sick image that we’ve got it all together and that nothing is ever wrong.

Get a group of pastors in a room and ask them how ministry is going and inevitably the conversation will turn to performance instead of authentic pain. We measure our effectiveness by how many people we have or how much money we make or what kind of building we’re in. We leave no room for real hurt and recovery and pain and stress and weakness.

If the church wants to be relevant in the world, stop pretending to be perfect. If the band is off, claim it! If the pastor blows the message, admit it. If the lights don’t put on the show you’re looking for, then who really cares! What’s the main point anyway?

When we embrace our struggles and surround ourselves with people are gifted where we are not, we stand a much better chance of reaching people that are not exactly like us. It’s ok to have a bad day. It’s ok to not be ok. Don’t paint yourself with a pretty made up face when you’re broken. Sometimes we can’t heal until we face the pain we’re going through.

Are you against everything?

Ok so this one might be a little personal for some of you, and that’s ok. Do people have any idea what you stand FOR? Or do they only know what you’re against? I have had many conversations with people who are not what we would call churched people. We’ve talked about sports, beer, marriage, community, politics, health. You name it, we’ve probably talked about it. But more times than I’d like to admit, whenever the topic of church or religion comes up I get a similar answer.

Is the church for anything? Or is it just completely against everything in this world?

I think this is a dangerous image to portray! The church should most certainly take a stand on what it believes. Without question there are some things we most assuredly need to stand against. However, if the main voice coming out of the church today in our 21st Century culture is what we’re against we’re giving the wrong message.

Over and over again Jesus told us who he was for. He didn’t agree with the lifestyles of everyone he defended or came alongside but he still showed that he was there for them. The woman caught in adultery is a fine example of this. There’s a story in the bible of a woman who was caught in the act of adultery. Cultural norms said she was to be stoned. But Jesus steps in the middle. Now understand fully that Jesus had every legal and moral right to throw that first stone. He could have annihilated her with thou shalt and thou shalt not commands. Instead, he stepped between her and her accusers and loved her.

Where is the church today when it comes to the oppressed and the marginalized? Where is the church for those who’ve been displaced from their homes or lost loved ones in tragedies? Where is the church with those who are considered like this adulterous woman?

You see the church is called by God to be encouragers and equippers who are compelled with a mission far greater than ourselves to accomplish something that is far beyond ourselves. When the church stays steadfast in its confession of who God is while regaining this beyond self mindset, we’ll become truly relevant again. Essentially, we don’t need to change our message. We need to change our attitude.

Do you know who your real friends are?

January 6, 2022 / / 0 Comments
60 Best Friendship Quotes - Cute Short Sayings About Best Friends

As I was driving to the gym this morning, I had the chance to listen to one of my frequent podcasts. This one has been a regular for me the past 2 years. The topic was all about what we’ve learned in 2021. It was kind of the wrap up podcast for the year. The podcast guest was talking about the challenges of life he’d experienced in 2021 and something really stood out at me.

He said that he’s learned who his real friends are and who his seasonal friends are. He described the difference between real friends – those who are there for you no matter what, and seasonal friends – those who are there as long as you have something they want or need then they leave you as soon as you’ve fulfilled that felt need.

Wow. I have to say that was a pretty hard knock on the chin as I listened. I think I’ve felt and probably been both of those kinds of friends. Now some key take aways for me from this podcast, and how it has applied to my life. The speaker was a pastor so understand he is speaking from a perspective that I can very much relate to. As a pastor, it’s hard at times to fully invest in every relationship that comes my way. There are times when I have to honestly tell people that I just can’t invest a ton of time into a new relationship at the moment. I know that sounds weird but we only have so much capacity and I am becoming increasingly aware of my limits. With age evidently does come some element of wisdom. You can keep your comments to yourself here thank you very much!

Friendships take time and effort to be certain and a real friend is one who understands that these efforts have to be reciprocal but not always equal. The speaker on the podcast went on to say that throughout the past couple of years in his church, he’s lost several people he thought were real friends. Some left when things got challenging. Others bailed when they didn’t like how he handled a certain situation. And some just quit communicating altogether for reasons unknown to him.

I think we’ve all seen this to some extent or another over the past several months and even years. Maybe you’re the one who’s lost friends like this? Maybe you’re one of those who’s abandoned a solid friendship for something that is more to your liking in the moment? No matter on which side of this you land, know that relationships are a two way street that take effort which ebbs and flows over time.

The distinction between friends who are there for you until they get what they need then leave and those who are there when you have nothing left to offer was intriguing to me. Have you ever experienced that? Someone seemingly receives the encouragement, support, companionship and help from you for a period of time – then they vanish like the cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland?

I know this is a hard statement to hear and even harder to apply but don’t take it personally. If you’ve lost friends in this way, know that sometimes God has to remove some things from your life to free you up for new things. Not always better things but there will always be something new around the corner.

I think that many friendships will last beyond our apparent usefulness. There will be those people in your life who will always be there regardless of time and distance and even you ability to be helpful to them. Some of our friendships are just that solid. I know that I have several of these kinds of friends in my life and I value them highly. But we’ll also have some friendships that will be around for a season, then vanish like the fog as the sun rises. I value these friendships as well. All of those people who come into our lives are there for a reason. They are present to teach us something about life, friendship, and even ourselves.

To those I call friend thank you for being a part of my life in any variety of ways. To those who’ve come and gone, you’re likely not even reading this but thank you for the ways you’ve supported and influenced me through life. I value each of you for who God made you to be and the impact you’ve had on me.

As I grow older I realize that real friends who are there through thick and thin are much more valuable than I ever thought possible. Cherish the ones you have! Pour into those relationships because they are more precious than the finest gold.

A Small Surprise

January 5, 2022 / / 1 Comment

Parents if you’re anything like me, you probably wonder Am I doing this right? I’ve wondered that for the last 18 years. I’ve wondered why in the world God would entrust the lives of 3 small, vulnerable little beings into my care! I just didn’t get it. I remember bringing the boys home from the hospital wondering NOW what!? I had absolutely no clue what I was doing. Well, I’m here to tell you to stick with it moms and dads. Stay the course. You never know when life is going to come full circle and your children are going to shock you.

Now at the outset I’m going to tell you that my children have an amazing mother. She was there for each of them pretty much consistently from birth until present day. She worries for them. Nurtures them, yes even at nearly 19 she’s still in full on nurture mode at times. And to be completely honest my children are amazing! Despite my lackluster parenting skills they turned out pretty good if I do say so myself. But sometimes even my good kids shock me!

Short Back Story

For the past two weeks we were together at home as a whole family again. The last time that happened was on Father’s Day of 2021. We celebrated Christmas and New Year’s and just enjoyed some relaxing time together. Totally not normal for me but it was wonderful! Then this weekend I had to take Lucas back to Fort Drum. We talked about life and how his Team Leader and some of his superior officers have told him that he’s very respectful and that he follows orders well.

He replied to them Well, my dad told me to keep my chin up and my nose clean. So that’s what I’m doing.

You see the one piece of advice I gave him before heading out to basic training was to not stand out too much and keep his nose clean and chin up. He was going to have hard days but keep the chin up. There’s always something good to see. And keep your nose clean meant to not get in trouble that would get you disciplined or singled out.

Well the drive was long and a tad rocky at times due to ice and snow storms on our way to upstate New York. And I didn’t get home until 4am after the nearly 16 hour round trip drive.

The Real Shocker

I backed in the garage, barely able to keep my eyes open. Dropped my bag and keys off in the kitchen. And was ready to just pass out in bed. When my eye caught something on my safe. As I was getting ready for bed I saw a small Moleskin notebook that I had given to Lucas before he took off for basic training. I told him he could use it for whatever he wanted. I knew he was making notes of what he learned and that it was kind of a journal of sorts for his time in training and that I’d get it for Christmas. But honestly I just assumed he’d forgotten.

But there it was. Right on top of my safe. He knew I would see it there because I see that safe every night before I go to bed. I thumbed through the pages quickly. It was full of daily accounts of what he did in the field and some things he felt I could use or would find interesting. Why he thought I needed to know how to effectively clear a room is beyond me but I got your six if you ever need help. LOL

I was too tired to read it all but as I flipped through the pages one page stood out at me. The pages weren’t dogeared or anything. It just kind of opened to this page. It was kind of the hinge point of the entire journal. I read that page in its entirety and stood quiet and dumbfounded.

You see the point of this is that sometimes our children surprise us. They do things we aren’t expecting. I never would have expected my son to write prayer journal and explain the ways he saw God working while at training. I never would have guessed that he’d already have volunteered to get involved in assisting with worship at the chapel on base. These are just little things that blew me away.

You see parents your children will do things that surprise you if you let them. I want to remind you to set healthy boundaries for your children. They need to be able to count on you, but you have to let them fly. And when you set healthy rhythms and boundaries for them, you’ll quickly see how easily they’ll surprise you if you just give them the chance.

The Spiderman Leader

December 28, 2021 / / 0 Comments

The new Spiderman movie was released recently and it has taken the box office by storm! While I haven’t seen the movie yet, I have heard some pretty stellar reviews to say the least. The Spiderman saga has been a pretty good series of movies from my perspective and I’m excited to be able to see this one soon. But as I consider the movies I have seen, one thought stands out at me from these movies. It has to be my favorite quote from the series.

With great power comes great responsibility.

Spiderman

Leadership is a pretty challenging thing, especially in our world today. Being a leader of any organization is not fun when you can’t see where you’re headed and don’t know what to expect. The graphic above contains a quote from Peter Scazzero who wrote a series of works title Emotionally Healthy_____. The blank is for the different topics he’s written on over the years from spirituality to discipleship and much more.

A person who’s in leadership, whether they want to be or not, has a great responsibility and weight on their shoulders. As leaders, we’re responsible for casting a vision for a preferred future and making corrective action as problems arise. Good leaders will even anticipate challenges before they arise. The closer to the top of an organization you rise, the more power you have. And the more power you have, according to Peter Parker, the more responsibility you must shoulder.

Something that’s become fairly evident through the past 24 months of life challenges is that many leaders are wanting the power but lacking the maturity. They have the obligations but lack the desire and intestinal-fortitude to get the job done. There are a lot of immature leaders in the world and in the church these days.

The above quote from Scazzero is a reminder that each of us have inner demons with which we have to wrestle. We have to work through our challenges and find creative and effective ways to manage the troubles in life. If it’s true that higher levels of leadership, power and responsibility bring out deeper levels of inner struggle, then we as leaders need to surround ourselves with some key people.

I strongly recommend something that was shared with me years ago. It’s called a personal board of directors. No, it’s not nearly as formal as it sounds, but it is very important. I have people in my circle whose opinion I value in different areas of life. They are friends or voices who I respect and who are able to challenge me because they are professionals in their respective fields. I used to call on these people all the time. And admittedly, I don’t use them nearly as much as I used to, until life explodes.

As a leader, it’s important to know your weaknesses and fill your life with people who are strong in those areas. You don’t need a board of directors for your personal life, but you do need the self awareness to know when you can’t do something. I’ve seen far too many leaders do far too much damage to their organization by permanently taking on a task that isn’t theirs to do. This is called micromanaging. I did it for a while and it was awful! I suck at many things in life and the sooner you as a leader can realize what you just flat suck at doing, the better your organization will be.

So the long and short is that you have the power you have for a reason. Use it wisely. Wield that power with the responsibility that it warrants. And be honest with yourself and those around you when you just are in over your head. It eliminates a lot of stress and your organization will flourish when you get the right people in the right places in your organization.

A year in review

December 27, 2021 / / 0 Comments
2021 Year in Review | HCPLC

Something I like to do at the end of each year is look back and see where we’ve been. Some of what follows is more personal while other parts are more general and I believe can apply to most of us. But none of this is intended to be depressing! As a matter of fact the point of this year in review is to see what we can learn about ourselves and the community around us. So buckle up for a trip down short-term memory lane.

Ok so we start with calling out the elephant in the room. The year for some flat sucked. And for others it was ok. But I don’t think many people experienced a banner year. That’s a pretty big overgeneralization, but I think it applies to most of the population. From constant guessing about what’s next to trying to figure out how to stay healthy to keeping the income more then the expenses has proven to be challenging to many Americans.

The year started off with many of us trying to get back to normal, or as close to it as possible. We quickly figured out that what normal means for one person isn’t the same as normal for the next. Enter 3 issues that I feel summarize this year.

Is mutual respect still a thing?

So this is going to sound negative but stick with me for a second. One thing the last year+ has taught us is that mutual respect isn’t really something we can all agree on. It depends on where we get our information, what we believe to be real, whose opinion we actually value, and who our true friends are. This year has tested all of these ideals. And the challenge we have faced in 2021 was to not let these differing opinions divide us.

Something that we’ve all seen this year has been the walk away or lash out methods. It’s heartbreaking to see family and friends disagree on something, then let that disagreement lead to division. We can have fun rivalries in sports, why not in other areas of life? We have thick skin with some topics, so why has 2021 thinned our skin so badly? I really think it’s an issue of respect. We want someone else to respect us but we’re not as willing to humble ourselves to let someone else have an opinion that’s different than ours.

A token to take into a new year is to watch our reactions. Think before you speak or act. It’s easy to yell at someone or virtually erase them when they say something we don’t agree with. It’s easy to talk behind their back and belittle them. But it takes maturity to open up and welcome an honest and heartfelt disagreement. Then walk away as friends who see things differently.

We’re all going to die…eventually

I get it no one wants to talk about it but it’s true. We can’t live our lives in fear and that’s unfortunately what I have seen a lot of the past 12 months. No this is not a political or even a simply health related statement. Just look at how we react when storms are predicted. If we get word that a snow storm is coming, we rush to the store to get all the batteries, water and bread we can find. This past year has seen some shortages of products on shelves in part because when bad news spills into the airwaves we jump to fear mode.

Something to take with us into the new year is to find a place where you can grab ahold of hope. For some it’s in their loving family. For others it’s found in their friendships. For me and many like me that hope is found in my relationship with Jesus. Not everyone is a person of faith but I can attest personally to the fact that when my faith seems less, my fear increases.

Surround yourself with people who can encourage you. If you have a group like this, know you are blessed tremendously! Don’t be so easily offended when one of your encouragers actually puts the screws down and challenges you. If you can’t take challenge from a friend, then you might have your hope in the wrong place.

Way more good has happened if you just open your eyes.

Have you ever purchased a new to you vehicle? Then you realize that everyone in the world drives the same car! I remember getting my Black Ram 1500. Then I realized three of my neighbors had very similar trucks. You tend to see what you feel most closely.

The challenge we’ve faced in 2021 has been a product of our society lusting after scandal and fear and the whole sex sells mentality. If there’s bad news or a juicy story, you better believe that will flood the social streams! And when that’s what fills our minds, that’s all our eyes will see. As we move into a new year, we have the chance to change what our minds see. We have the ability to alter what we put into our minds so that our eyes can actually focus on something totally different than scandal and all the negative floating around.

As a person of faith, one thing I like to do is join members of the church I serve in reading the bible. We read the whole New Testament in 2021 and it helped so many people! In 2022, we’re doing another reading plan but this time it will be a more chronological approach to the Bible. We’ll read a little bit from all over the Bible in order of how it would have happened. We’ll leave out some of the parts that are, well harder to get through. The point will be to fill our minds with the things we want our eyes to see.

So all in all the year 2021 wasn’t the best of my 45 years to be certain. I suffered loss in areas of my life that I never would have predicted. But the true blessing of 2021 was that something happened in my heart that made me appreciate the simplicity of certain moments. What used to really irritate me, doesn’t seem to take the same toll. I’ve been able to see the people who are really there for me to support, encourage and challenge me. I’ve also been able to see the ones that aren’t. They each hold a special place in my life. I wouldn’t be who I am without the disagreements, encouragement, challenge, support, accountability, and camaraderie of so many. Thanks for a great year in 2021 and I can’t wait to see what new things God has in store for us in 2022!

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