derrickhurst.org

living for eternity today

Category: Leadership (Page 13 of 20)

Time to Fight!

August 22, 2022 / / 0 Comments

In my previous post, I referred to a book that basically addressed the three things every man needs in his life. We called those a battle to fight, an adventure to conquer and a beauty to pursue. These ideas come from the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. If you have a guy in your life, whether husband – boyfriend – child or dad, I do recommend this book. If you’re raising daughters, I still recommend this book so they know what a man looks like in a world filled with boys.

The first thing a man needs in his life is a battle to fight. I know that sounds a tad morbid and maybe a little pushing the envelop too much but I definitely agree with this in my own life! Just look at how we live or lives as men. We love to fight. Not fist fight or beat someone up or shoot someone. I don’t mean we’re all evil villains or anything like that. But something happens in a man when a fight presents itself.

Again, before we get too far into this, remember this is not a gender bashing seminar. I’m not talking men over women or anything like that. This is just a way to look at the men in your life and understand a little about what makes us tick. There’s a companion to this book which I’ll be reading next and I’ll give a similar summary for women. This is not saying that women can’t fight or don’t have a fight instinct. I know plenty of women that seem to enjoy a good fight from time to time. But the inner workings of a man need a fight.

So it’s time for war then right?

Not so fast. That’s not exactly what we’re talking about with fight. The idea of a battle to fight is embedded in most every video game boys gravitate toward. It’s written on the hearts of the boys who all they want to do is join the military and defend (read fight for) their country. It’s written in the instincts of married men to defend and fight for their families.

There are some outliers here but at the heart of every man who desires to be a man is the need to fight for what is in their life. Fight for their wives and children. It’s why if someone breaks into our home in the middle of the night, we jump to see what’s going on instead of throw our wives out in front of us. It’s the fight instinct that is built into men.

I believe that’s part of how God designed us and if we’re not living up to this instinct and fighting for our families, then we’ve abandoned God’s design for our lives. Essentially we’re not really men anymore.

This fight instinct is what drives most men to work harder. It’s what makes them want to beat the car beside them off the line at a red light as if they were in a drag race. It’s what makes their heart race and blood pressure swell when they see someone in danger.

There’s one drawback however. Most of the time the man inside is a bit of a pansy. And by that I mean most of the time men pick the easier battle to fight and run from the one that takes more time and effort and energy. This is why some guys fall for porn or extra-marital affairs. It’s because they don’t have the guts to fight hard enough. Being married isn’t easy. Not sure who ever convinced you it would be, but it isn’t. Two different lives are blended as one. That doesn’t sound easy to me at all! But it’s not just marriage. It’s virtually everywhere in life. Doing what’s right is generally the harder task. Dieting isn’t easy. Eating healthy isn’t easy. Exercise isn’t easy. Creating a healthy mental routine isn’t easy. But it’s all necessary!

So what then?

Whether you’re a guy or you have one in your life who you call husband or son, there are some things you might want to consider.

  1. Don’t try to tame the wild heart. All too often we tell our sons to be more gentle or to calm down or don’t get so worked up. Sorry but no. That’s just not going to cut it. Men need to be able to be wild at heart as the book title demonstrates. We need to be able to swell up and fight when the time is right. Don’t make tame what God created wild.
  2. Learn to redirect. The issue with most boys is that they don’t know how to direct their excitement or passion. Their instinct to fight hasn’t been honed yet so most boys don’t know how to fight appropriately given the circumstances. Teach your sons not to calm down but how and when to be excited. Show them what it means to be controlled even in the throws of a battle. Teach them what it means to fight for what is worth fighting for and not fall for the lies that will end up leaving you empty when pursued.
  3. Be present. We’ll get to this one later but the best thing for a boy becoming a man is to have a dad who’s present fighting for them and their mom. Boys learn from their dads by what they say and what they do. So dads set the right example. It’s far too easy to run to our work, hobbies, other interests. When you’re home, then be home. Don’t take your parental task lightly.

So it’s time to fight and I mean really fight for the things and people in our lives we care about. If it’s hard, don’t back down. If things get challenging and we think it should be easier, don’t take the easy way out and run. Don’t give up just because you’re having a hard day, month, year or even decade. Be a man and fight. Do the hard work. Put in the hard time. Fight because that’s what you were made for! Anything else is giving in to the wimp that Satan wants you to be.

Boys and Guns

August 16, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I still remember the day we sent my sons to stay with my in-laws over night. I wasn’t nervous about them going or worried I was going to miss them too much. I mean my in-laws did a pretty good job raising their three daughters. They would be just fine. But that’s what got me. Three daughters. My boys are not daughters. They are boys. And they were just at the age where they were really intrigued with playing with toys.

Whether it was racing toy cars around or building with blocks, they loved to make things work. It was just who they were. But they were going to a home that had only seen girls. All girls meant all girl toys. Now don’t get your panties in a bunch or anything. I wasn’t afraid if they played with a doll or something they’d somehow change identities. I just was a little concerned that they didn’t have anything to play with is all. But was I ever surprise…

Boys have something that is born into their DNA. As author John Eldredge explains in his book Wild At Heart, males have three things they need. They need a battle to fight, an adventure to conquer and a beauty to pursue. No one has to teach a male child any of these things. They just kind of happen.

Battle to Fight

Ever wonder who came up with the ideas of hockey, football, even golf? They were dudes. They were men who needed to fight something, even if it was a tiny white ball in the middle of the grass. Getting out there and smacking a ball into oblivion somehow spoke to the battle sense of a man. You don’t have to teach a male child how to fight for what’s right. And you really shouldn’t try to teach them out of that fight instinct either!

The idea of having a battle to fight and having men willing to jump into that role has kept us in a safe place in the greatest country the world has ever seen. Men needing a battle to fight is what took one of my sons into service in the US Army. Needing a battle to fight is what saved that weekend at grandmas too.

You see when we picked them up, I was amazed at what I saw. Both of my boys were playing with Barbie dolls. But not exactly how one normally plays with dolls! They had them contorted in some way to make them look like guns. They, without any provocation or enticement from anyone, took the dolls and folded their arms as a handle. Then made the noises of guns. We didn’t have guns in the house at the time. We didn’t watch war movies or really much of anything but Veggie Tales in front of them. So where did they get it? A need for a battle to fight. It was born into them.

Adventure to Conquer

Eldredge says that men need more than just a good fight. They also need to find adventure in life. We’ll pick these apart a tad more in the next couple of weeks, but the gist is that men like to find new territory. Climb to new heights. Make things into an adventure. Just look at how boys play. They build forts. Have wars to fight. Even the video games that most guys grab are all about adventure and battle.

Beauty to Pursue

Ladies this one is for you. Men have an innate desire to fight for, protect and provide for the woman in their lives. Now as a guy, I can admit we don’t always do it correctly. But the idea is there. We want to provide for the family. We will do anything to protect our wife. We wouldn’t trade that for the world, well most of the time. Again, we’ll hit on how this goes awry in a future post.

There are some key things that make men who and what they are. These three ideas are some of the basic elements of what it mens to be a man. Please don’t read this as all men are like this, because there are some outliers. Also don’t read that no women have these same desires or abilities. The purpose here is to see how a man’s mind is wired. It’s a fundamental part of how we were built.

And, as a follower of Jesus, I think this is very much part of how God designed us to live in his image. But we can hit that topic another time. For now cherish the “man’ness” of that guy in your life. Don’t try to stifle what appears to be a violent streak when he talks about war or gathers his arsenal for the zombi apocalypse. Don’t get worried when he looks for adventure around every turn. And remember that his goal is to pursue the beauty in his life. Sometimes that doesn’t look how you might want it to but if he’s logging extra hours and making sure there’s cash in the bank to have that great vacation you’re wanting…yep that’s likely part of this pursuit.

All in all, men don’t need to be taught how to be men as long as there’s a strong male influence in their lives. So dads don’t slack on this one. It’s time to log off the computer for a bit, come in from the shop, set aside some real time to be with your family. Whether you’re a dad of boys or girls, they need to see what a real man is like around the house.

Compounding Effort?

August 4, 2022 / / 0 Comments

We’ve all at least heard of compounding interest. Maybe you don’t know what it means or how it works, but I’m sure you’ve heard of the concept. I’m not going to get into all the details on how compounding interest affects you, but the idea is that the interest on one day compounds or adds to the interest the next and so on. You financial people give me a little break here. That’s the best one liner description I could come up with!

So what about effort and what does compounding interest have to do with anything other than money?

Great! I’m so glad you asked! If you take the basics of compounding interest and apply that to other areas of life you’ll see that we can do a lot of great things if we just let all of the effort and ability we have work together. Let me explain using a little churchy terminology.

In the church world we have three T’s we talk about from time to time. They are time, talents, and treasures. Normally we will make it a point to talk about our time and how we use it. Then our talents or abilities and how we use those. And finally our treasures and how we spend, invest and give those away. But how often do we look at them on a compounding scale?

Think about it for a second. When we take our time and use it for one purpose. Then our talents for a different purpose. And finally our treasure to fund or support a similar yet different purpose, how much good can we actually do? It’s like helping 3 different groups a little when we could make a bigger impact if we compounded our effort.

Imagine instead seeing a specific ministry of the local church and diving into that ministry fully. I mean using your time, talent and treasures all in the same place. Not only do you give of your dollars to support that ministry, but you also volunteer serving others through that very same ministry. And to add to it, you have a unique (or not so unique but still needed) skill that you use in your volunteering to accomplish something in that very same ministry.

Essentially you just more than tripled your gift to that ministry! It’s like the difference between giving $50 to 3 organizations or giving $150 to one. Your gift makes a much larger impact when you compound it.

So whether you’re a church kind of person or not, consider how you can compound your effect. Think where you’re spending your time, ability and money. Are they all lined up in the same direction? How can you have a bigger impact by realigning your priorities?

In short layering our giving with our volunteering and the use of our skills can have an exponentially larger impact!

Where Did They Go?

August 1, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I’ll be the first to admit it. It can be a tad irritating at times. Some people have seemingly fallen off the map in the past couple of years. I wonder frequently where did “so and so” go? But I wonder if that’s the best take on things…

So before I get too far into this, let me reassure you that this is in no way a slam on anyone who’s moved on. It’s not about any one person in particular actually. And this is not about the person who hasn’t reconnected yet either. This is about those who seem to focus more on the one(s) who’ve gone and not returned than we focus on the one(s) who are right there with us still.

I have the opportunity in my job to work with a lot of churches, but this doesn’t only apply to churches! One common thread in many of my conversations with pastors and church leaders revolves around those people who left during the uncertainty of the pandemic and just haven’t returned. It’s a condition that many institutions and groups are facing actually. Once active and heavily engaged individuals just disappearing without so much as an email, phone call or text message.

It’s hard to see this for anyone and even worse when some of these people who’ve just flat vanished are close friends. But I have a feeling our focus in this whole situation is a bit off.

I was talking with a church recently about this very issue. Where have they gone? Why are they not back yet? We need to get them to reconnect. How do we do attract them to come back again?

While I totally understand this way of thinking. And I’ve even thought it myself a few times, this is not the healthiest or even most beneficial way of thinking. I’m curious have we started to focus so much on the ones who are not back that we’ve disregarded the ones who are right there in front of us?

I fear the answer to this question is yes. I believe that our desire to have these missing faces back and re-engaged in the group has caused us to neglect and even ignore those who are willing, able and ready to serve.

Specifically to church leaders: if you want to re-engage those who’ve walked away start with the ones who are still involved. Get them excited about ministry. Share the work of the church with them. The Bible tells us that we’re supposed to equip the saints for works of ministry. But all too often we gather them together and make them watch us do ministry then complain when they leave because they’re bored.

In one of the many books I’ve read recently, I found a principle for moving an organization or group of people. I think it was in the book Tipping Point, but can’t be certain. The idea is basically that focusing on the late adopters (or those who’ve disconnected and refuse to reconnect) is fruitless, painful and exhausting. It yields very little by way of positive results. The author suggests to pour into the ones who are early to middle adopters, those who are right there already doing the work or at minimum watching it being done.

When these current workers and watchers get going and get excited, there will be a trickle down effect to the rest of the organization. So the long and short is that it’s not bad to miss those who’ve gone, but they can’t be the focus. If we focus on those who are right there with us even half as much as we do those who are gone, we’d be shocked how exciting life in any organization can truly be.

The Missing Generation?

July 21, 2022 / / 0 Comments

So there’s this thing that’s making the rounds in the church world that there is a whole generation of young people that are missing out on something in the church. I think that’s kind of bogus, but I guess you can believe what you want on that topic. If you stick around for a few minutes here I’d like to explain why I think this metric is bunk and what we can do to change the perception a bit.

For starters I wonder if we’re looking at things wrongly? I mean what qualifies a missing generation? Does it mean no one from that generation is at all engaged? Does it mean they’re not in worship? Has this generation told us they want nothing to do with us? And really the important question in my mind is are they really missing or are we just missing them?

You see the problem, as I see it, isn’t that they’re missing. These high school, college and post college young people aren’t necessarily absent from the ways of Jesus. They’re just not in our buildings the way we would hope. They don’t function like previous generations functioned. But is that really a bad thing?

I’ve talked in many settings before about our metrics being off and measuring things that really aren’t the best sets of measurements. What if we’re seeing an entire generation actually care more about doing the things of Jesus instead of sitting around and only learning about the ways of Jesus?

What I’ve experienced in my context is that these younger generations aren’t really all that caught up in sitting for 60-75 minutes to hear someone spout off cool ideals about Jesus only to go home. And the way our current system is designed, that’s pretty much what a Sunday morning feels like to some. The congregation is for the majority passively observing. There’s little room for engagement around the truths of Jesus. Then we send people home to figure it out or live your life so you can come back next week for another shot in the arm of our tradition and teachings.

Can we shift our focus? Is it possible to remain true to our understanding of the Bible along with our confessional practices and move from doing ministry to this generation to doing ministry with this generation. It’s all about including them in the works of ministry. And yes it’s actually biblical!

The idea that we are to curate believers who passively sit and watch a show on a Sunday is not only off-putting but frankly it has no grounding in scripture whatsoever! The early church was dynamic and moving. It was about gathering to learn and grow and be challenged just as much as it was about going out to love and serve and give to our neighbors in need. We talk a big game but when it comes to actually putting our boots on the ground, we get a little lazy to put it mildly.

I really believe we need to shift our thinking from merely counting people in attendance to including them in acts of ministry for the sake of the world around us. When we do this, we’ll realize that this generation is not lost after-all. As a matter of fact, they’re likely doing this stuff without us at best. But even at worst they’re sitting back waiting for us to do something of some relevance to the people we say we are to love in Jesus’ name.

Now don’t get all freaked out about the word relevance. The gospel is relevant. Jesus is relevant. Nothing we can do will change that at all. But the church as an institution and even as a people have become less relevant because it sure appears all we care about sometimes are boards, budgets and butts in seats.

You want to find the lost generation? Do something that serves, loves and gives to the marginalized in your community and you’re guaranteed to find them, hiding in plain sight, where we’ve refused to look.

Never Give Up

July 13, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I was recently given a book titled Walk In My Combat Boots. It’s a collection of stories from men and women who have served in military service here in the United States. They are from all branches of the United States Military but they had a very common theme. Never give up.

No, they didn’t come right out and say that line. It’s not a quote from anything on the pages of this book, but each story contained a scenario that would have caused most humans at best to freeze in their tracks and give their calling a second thought. However on every page of this book are written the stories of the brave men and women who, even in the face of massive adversity and even probable death, didn’t want to throw in the towel. They wanted to get back to their job. They wanted to go back to the fight. They demanded to get back to their brothers and sisters in arms.

Now some of you are men and women who’ve served, so for you this is likely a part of your thought process still to this day. And for that service, I say thank you. I don’t know all you gave up, but as an Army dad I know in part what that sacrifice looks like in my own son.

But for the rest of us, who’ve never dawned the uniform from any branch of service, I think we’ve grown pretty weak. Ok not all of us but for sure a sweeping generalization that likely would hold water is that we’ve grown so used to our comforts that we’ve grown weak. Giving up is easier than persevering and we know it.

While it’s true that giving up is far easier than pushing through a problem, giving up will leave you empty and cost you far more than the struggle of persevering. The stories contained in this book deal with lost limbs and severely damaged nerves, emotionally torn men and women who should go home for rehab or sit on the sidelines and let someone else fight this one. But in every single account that was not the reaction of these brave men and women.

Put me back in coach! That’s essentially their call. They realized that giving up now would be giving up when they still have something left to offer.

I like to workout, that’s really no secret. And this theme of never give up has been one I’ve wrestled with over the years. Do I give up too soon? Do I have another set in me? Can I do that last pushup? It’s like the old children’s story The Little Engine That Could. When faced with an obstacle that seems insurmountable, what’s your go to mental state? Do you think you can? Or have you already defeated yourself before you even get started?

I think it was Eisenhower who is credit with the quote Whether think you can or you can’t either way you’re right. Ok so the quote is something along those lines. So often our attitude is a self fulfilling prophecy.

The short answer is to never give up. When you think you’re done, you likely have the capacity to do about 40% more. That means you’re quitting at just beyond half of your potential. Think about that the next time you’re ready to throw in the towel on mile 2 of a 5K run. That means you easily have the potential for that run and then some!

I understand that life is hard and that some situations are legit challenge. But throwing in the towel is not an option. Giving up is not the way to make it through.

Your challenge: do just one more. That’s it. Whatever you’re doing that makes you feel like you want to quit, go just one more. One more rep at the gym. One more mile on the treadmill. One more chapter in that book. Telling your child one more time the same exact thing. One more is all it takes to realize you have more in you than you gave yourself credit for all along.

Never give up! It’ll cost you far more if you give up than the pain of pushing through.

Now Why Would You Do That?

July 12, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I remember vividly the day I came home from school and told my parents that I wanted to be a pastor. I remember the look on their faces. I remember the curious looks in their eyes. I remember them voicing their questions about my choice. They didn’t doubt or try to change my mind by any means. They just seemed taken aback by the difference.

Think about it for a second. Most 6th grade boys don’t come home and tell their parents they want to be a pastor. Generally the job choice of a sixth grade boy is a firefighter, police officer, soldier in the military or something along those lines. But a pastor? Not very typical for sure!

I have to be clear here. My parents have been nothing short of supportive. They have walked alongside me throughout the entire journey of college and seminary (pastor school). They’ve traveled to visit me when I was doing my internship in Colorado. They were there for my first Sunday in the first church I was able to serve in Cincinnati. They’ve attended many services and even to this day drive nearly an hour to come and be a part of the church God has called me to today.

You see their question wasn’t a sign of disagreement. It was a question to make sure I was hearing correctly the call of God. I remember how they responded when I told them. Their response was the question Now why would you do that? We then embarked on a journey to talk about what a pastor did and how they lived and even a very high view of what they got paid.

I told my parents that I’m not doing it for the money. To which my dad replied Yeah but the retirement benefits are out of this world. If you don’t get the humor then you’re not a fan of dad jokes. Retirement for many pastors is when they die. Therefore retirement benefit is heaven. That was his point. So chuckle if you’d like.

Throughout my 20 years as a pastor I’ve tried to maintain one focus. I’ve tried to keep one thing in front of me all the time. I’m not perfect so I don’t do this perfectly either, however I still try daily to keep this focus.

Jesus is my reward. I know it might sound a tad cheesy and all that but a pastor’s salary isn’t always the highest paying job in the world. I remember leaving the car sales world and taking the call to serve where I am currently. My salary was cut in half. I went from a job where the harder I worked the more I made. The greater the hustle the higher the paycheck. To a salary that isn’t affected by the hours worked or the late nights away from family or the heartbreaking losses I see. But that isn’t the point.

Jesus is our reward. Not just for a pastor. Not just for me. But for all of us. When we go through life realizing that our reward isn’t here. Our paycheck, even if it isn’t enough to get all the things we desire, is not what God has in store for us. He cares about our daily needs but even more so he desires for us to know him and to realize just how much we’ve been loved by him.

One of the greatest dangers for pastors and church workers is to compare themselves and the ministry they lead to other churches who’ve seemingly become popular or successful. Doing this only takes your focus off of what is truly important, and in case you still don’t get it – that’s Jesus.

So whether you are president of your company or a custodial artist (aka janitor), Jesus is your greatest reward. Whether you’re raking in a six figure salary or you barely have two nickels to rub together, Jesus is your greatest reward. Whether you serve a congregation of thousands or you have three faithful families showing up every weekend, Jesus is your greatest reward. We need to change some of the metrics a bit to allow us to realize just how big Jesus as our reward truly is.

So why would you do that? Jesus is why we do that.

Would You Please Grow Up

July 11, 2022 / / 0 Comments

If you have a problem with someone, then tell them. Don’t blast it all over the internet. A keyboard warrior is not a strong person. And to be totally honest, if you have to belittle someone to make yourself feel better, then you’re really not as strong as you assume yourself to be.

Ok so I know I’m typing this on a blog and posting on social. And I know it seems this is contrary to the whole post but there’s a reason. The intent of this article is not to belittle anyone. It’s not to put anyone down. As a matter of fact the intent is to encourage a better way. Not my way. It’s the way we say we believe is right, but are we really living that way right now?

Alright so here’s the background for this post. As I type this there are 20,000 young people all from the larger church body to which I am affiliate gathering in Houston. They’re not there for a worship service. They’re not there to pretend to be a local expression of the church institution. They are there to grow in their knowledge of who Jesus is and along the way realize that they are not alone in this life of faith. They’re singing songs, going to Bible studies, and doing a lot of fun things. All of it in the sweltering heat of Houston.

But while they are doing the singing and growing and learning, there is a group of people who don’t really like this particular method of doing things. And they’re picking apart every little thing that’s happening. The titles used for breakout sessions, songs chosen and artists who wrote them, location choice, even speakers selected for the event. Finding fault in something you’re not attending isn’t in and of itself a problem, but when you feel the need to tear people down for doing something different than you we have a problem.

Here’s the deal if we are going to call ourselves Christians then we need to hold ourselves to the standards of Christ. But that’s not really how things are going. The standards of Christ must supersede our personal desires. And when we talk about the things about which we disagree we must make sure to follow a certain set of guidelines that we get from the Bible and some of our other defining resources.

  1. Primarily we need to talk to the person with whom we have a problem first. This means the burden is on us to find the people who we feel are in the wrong and make sure we understand what happened, address our concern and have a robust dialogue about it.
  2. We do not handle these things publicly. If someone does something that you feel is in the wrong, blasting it on the internet only exacerbates the problem and we get nowhere. Actually we devolve to something far lower than where we started.
  3. Do you know the context? This is a pet peeve of mine. If you’re going to isolate a line from something someone said then you just need to step away. Keep the line in context of what the whole message is. Often when we pull a line out of something someone says, we can make it say whatever we want. Not healthy. Not cool. Not of Jesus.
  4. Check your heart. It seems like in a world filled with keyboard warriors where everyone has the courage to call someone out as long as we don’t have to face them directly, we fall into the trap of exaggerating the case. Just make sure your heart and your intentions are right before you call someone up and have a heart to heart about what you feel.
  5. Don’t be a hypocrite. This one is everywhere. Do you hold someone else to a standard that you don’t apply to yourself? One of the issues some people have with what’s happening in Houston is that some of the songs were written by people that have made some unsavory choices. The solution in their mind is throw it all out. Ok using that same logic you better check your history books a bit. Where do many of the traditions you want the church to follow really come from? Hint: not the bible. Another hint: many are from secular places that were used to worship false idols and we threw Jesus in the mix and made it “holy.” Just be sure that you apply the same standard to yourself that you do to other people.

Look – I think the LCMS Youth Gathering is a fantastic opportunity to allow youth to come together to realize that in a world that seeks to divide the message of the good news of Jesus is there to bring us together. No we don’t all approach things the exact same way. No we don’t all have the same exact dialect and word choice. But I think if I read my Bible correctly, Jesus used current cultural examples and scenarios to talk about the Kingdom of God with people in his day. I’m pretty sure his examples today would use the same approach.

The long and short is simple. Don’t be a jerk. You don’t have to agree with everything that everyone does. YOu’re welcome to voice your concern. But for crying out loud if the church starts blasting its own people, then we should not be surprised when we are left alone leading a cult made up of just ourselves. Jesus called us to disciple people into a different kind of life. This means we should look different than those around us. This means we can do similar things but keep Christ at the core and the world will see the power of the gospel through our interactions. You don’t have to like it. But according to Jesus, you better get yourself right before you start picking at those who are a tad different than you.

I’ve decided to leave the facebook group that has become a keyboard warrior zone. It says it’s confessional but instead it’s just blasting those that don’t look like them. Pretty much acting like the very people Jesus called white washed tombs (people who pretend to have it right but inside are really messed up). It’s time to grow up and face the people you don’t agree with in an effort to understand better. Running away isn’t the answer. Putting them down isn’t the answer. Being a jerk on social media isn’t the answer. Putting the best construction on everything and loving people in Jesus’ name is the answer. So pretty much if i’m going to be blunt, like I normally am, it’s time to grow up and learn how to simply shut up if you can’t be at all constructive.

Everyone Has An F3

July 7, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Have you ever been in one of those situations where you had to make an immediate decision? One of those emergency type moments when you feel threatened or in danger? It’s in these moments that we have one of three typical reactions. We are pretty aware of the two most common: fight or flight. But the third one is pretty popular and equally important. Flee is the final F in the F3 triangle.

Knowing your F3 response is critical, not just in crazy cases like a zombie apocalypse or a terror attack, but it will help determine how you deal with conflict in general. When you’re called on in class and you don’t like to talk in front of people, your F3 will kick in immediately. When you’re cut off on the free way typically your F3 will take over. When your lost in an unfamiliar city while driving in rush hour, your F3 will default your behavior.

So what do each of these mean for how we react? It might seem like this should be simple knowledge but there are some nuances to each of these that are important.

We’ll start with my personal F3 category – Fight. This is the category that means when the stuff hits the fan, we generally come out swinging. Fight doesn’t just mean literally fighting, actually to the contrary most of the time it’s not a real fight at all. The fight response is one of a reaction. Those of us in this category will generally take fear and try to over compensate for a fear filled moment by becoming bigger than our fear. Fear is essential and dangerous at the same time, which is something we’ll cover in a future post.

The Fight F3 response sees any type of conflict as something that has to be managed, right away. The challenge with this mentality is that we often will shoot from the hip and tend to over react to a scenario we’re facing. If you’re a Fighter on the F3 scale, hit the pause button for a predetermined amount of time. Don’t fire back an email when someone angers you. Don’t react right away to something done to you. Take time to evaluate what type of response will yield the best possible results. Showing someone who’s boss in the moment might give you 60 seconds of satisfaction but in the process you can easily end up hurting someone who cares about you (and all because of what is likely a misunderstanding or overreaction).

The second F3 response is known as Flight. And it is pretty much what it sounds like – you run from the problem. Now don’t get me wrong each of these have their time and place and none of them are inherently wrong in and of themselves, but knowing your default will help you better manage how often you lean into each category. The Flight response means that when any kind of trouble arises you simply walk away, or run away depending on the intensity. And it’s not getting away to avoid unnecessary conflict, it’s running away because you’re too afraid to deal with the problem head on.

The Flight F3 response sees any type of conflict as something you need to avoid and you’ll go out of your way to get as far from it as possible. The challenge here is that in an effort to avoid any type of conflict or have a hard conversation with someone with whom you don’t agree or by whom you feel challenged, you’ll end up losing friendships and causing undue strife in a relationship. Your F3 Flight response could be the reason your circle grows smaller over the years.

Finally the third F3 response type is called Freeze and it means just what it says. When trouble arises the Freeze response makes you unable to move, sometimes literally. Freeze is what happens when you’re so flustered that you can’t make a decision. Your brain becomes so fogged over with what is happening around you that you can’t make a rational decision. So you instead of doing anything (fight or flight) you just do nothing. Literally nothing. This would be the equivalent of seeing a burning building with someone hanging from a window and you not thinking you have the skills to help so you just stand back and watch in terror. Now I’m not saying you should run into the house and put yourself in danger, although that’s what we Fight people would do. But there are other options like call for emergency help!

You see it’s not just the big hairy problems that manifest these F3 response types. It’s the everyday situations as well. We can see it in social media and even friendships in general. Someone says something you don’t like or their opinion doesn’t line up with your opinion so what do you do? Do you lash out at them and get angry? Do you essentially cancel them by walking away from the friendship altogether? Do you sit dumbfounded with no answer or thought at all? None of these are the right way to handle this type of situation and for certain they are not the Christian way to do it. All too often we let our F3 over rule our way of Jesus method of handling problems.

The point here is simply to make you aware of your default so you can better keep it under control. So whether you normally fight, flight or freeze you have the power to adjust your response if you hit the pause button and collect yourself before you lash out, run away or collapse in fear.

Would The REAL Men Please Stand Up

June 8, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I’m going to not apologize for what follows. I’m not going to apologize because this is my honest assessment of where we are in our world. I’m not going to apologize because I have the right to my opinion just like you have the right to yours. If you don’t agree, that’s totally fine. You’re welcome to form your opinions or reach out to have a robust conversation with me about my personal beliefs and thoughts.

Let’s set the stage. I believe that there are two kinds of people in this world: men and women. These are, in my mind, determined by the genetic make up of the individual. So for all of you science loving people out there, we’ll let science take the driver’s seat on this one. Males have a unique make up of genetic material, namely an “x” and a “y” chromosome that determine the male genetic make up. The female, on the other hand, is made up from two “x” chromosomes. There are many more things that go into the differences between males and females, not to mention the basic plumbing matters, but we’ll let you figure those out in your health classes.

So if there are two genders, namely male and female, how are these two genders to operate in an advanced society like the one in which we live?

This post will deal with the male gender and how we, as men, are to live in the world today. We’ll address the ladies in an upcoming post. So would the real men please stand up!

There are three basic stages of what it means to be a person of the male gender in this world. We’ll call them male-hood, boy-hood and man-hood. Let’s start with male-hood.

The first stage of being someone of this particular gender is really nothing we do. It’s something that is determined for us before we’re even born. It’s the genetic make up of the individual in their mother’s womb. This is the whole “XY” thing I referred to earlier. It deals with the plumbing and all the reproductive details that make a male able to provide the necessary contribution to pregnancy. So male hood isn’t something you do, it’s a marker of who you are as a…dude!

The second stage we’ll call boy-hood. This one is the fun stage for many of us. It deals with the boys and their toys mentality. It’s when we can take anything and make it into a battle field or construction site or weapon. It’s about making noises with our cars and jet engine sounds to match our GI Joe sets. Boy-hood is marked by selfishness however. Most of the time, as boys, we are solely focused on what we want. We want our toys. We want our food at a certain time. We want our new gadgets, new cars, new anything really. We want the biggest, loudest, flashiest things in life. We want the broken things that we can fix to give us a sense of accomplishment. Boys have little to no regard for responsibility. We live at home with no real cares in this world. Boy-hood isn’t marked by age alone because to be quite frank – I know many boys in the world today who happen to be of the age that they should be men but they care too much for themselves to really be called men.

The third stage here is what we call man-hood. This is when a boy realizes that life doesn’t revolve around him. It’s when he begins to put the needs of others before his own. It’s when he realizes that his girlfriend, or wife, is of greater importance than his car, job, home or hobbies. Being a man means we have to be willing to lose a toy or two if it means protecting and providing for those around us.

You see the problem as I see it is that men stopped caring about being men. Many men have become boys again and left their children and wives to handle what they were meant to handle. Men have stopped taking the lead in society, schools and politics. We’ve let the masses tell us what to do. We’ve forced our wives to deal with matters they are fully capable of dealing with but that they shouldn’t have to mess with at all! Ladies this is not a knock on you. You can do anything. I firmly believe that! But I also personally believe that men, if they’re really men and not boys dressing up as men, should be willing to do everything possible to make your lives easier.

In short men we are the reason our society is where it is. We are the reason chaos has enveloped our world. We’re to blame because we stopped standing up for what’s right. We stopped taking responsibility for our actions. We let the world tell us who we could be and what we were allowed to say. Men it’s time to stand up. Hold a door for a lady, not because she can’t hold it herself but because you value that woman as a part of society that deserves to have a door held for her. Men be willing to give up a little something to let those around you know they are valued and loved and cared for in this world. It’s your job and mine to do the hard things so those around us can thrive. Enough of this merely surviving life crap. It’s time to make sure those around us thrive in life, and it starts by putting our childish ways behind us and being the men we were called to be.

Man up guys! Now is the time.

« Older posts Newer posts »

© 2025 derrickhurst.org

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑